Lion, I didn't hear your post as being preachy. You spoke truth and not at all in a "brow-beating" manner, at least to my ears. You've lived through a lot of agony, and I can't imagine how difficult Christmas will be for you this year, and yet I hear your joy and your hope in the truth that this IS all about the birth of our Lord. And that in itself is Christmas. Everything else is what we create it to be, either through our choices or our inability to make those choices.

There's a quantum leap between the "knowing" and the "doing". It ought to be simple. I do care too much about things that aren't my responsibility to care so much about. My focus is clear now. This Christmas is really all about my brother. Everybody and everything else will look after itself. My responsibility is to my brother. And hubby is 100% on board with that. Anyone who's not happy with that will just have to be unhappy. I can't be responsible for their happiness anymore.

Everyone here (including you Lion) have helped me get to this point. And it's making it much easier to be able to relax against that focus and let everything/everyone else go. Even our 5-year-old granddaughter seems to be okay - especially since we're now negotiating a special "2nd Christmas" for her at our house on New Year's Day in lieu of the 25th.