My husband and I have been separated twice. He was dealing with a lot of issues including conflict avoidance, problems with his parents, a fragile ego, and more. We have quite a history that includes his infidelity, his lying, and his misusing significant amounts of our money. In both of our separations, he came to me saying he wanted a divorce after he had consulted an attorney, rented an apartment, bought furniture and was totally ready to go.

The second time he told me he wanted a divorce I took off my wedding ring as soon as I realized I was wearing it. I locked it up in a safe. After a nine-month separation, we reconciled in December. Since that time, I have thought about and missed my wedding ring and I have gotten my wedding ring out of the safe a number of times and considered putting it on, but I have never so much as put it on my finger. (My husband has never taken his ring off.)

My husband has never said a word about the ring. My finger feels naked but there is something about putting my wedding ring back on, especially after he left me and especially since he has not asked me to do so, that is absolutely repugnant.

I don't want to bring up the discussion of the wedding ring because I feel so strongly that he needs to do it. The things he did led to my taking it off and I need the demonstration that he cares that I have not put it back on.

I bought another much more modest ring the other day and put it on my right hand and my husband didn't say a word about my wedding ring then, either. Right now, my plan is to buy myself a really beautiful slap-in-the-face ring in the next couple of years and wear it on my right hand.

I know how this sounds and certainly my buying a "right-hand ring" feels spiteful. My question to you is, what would you do if you were in my place? Am I wrong to have not put my ring on without anything being said? Am I wrong to not bring it up with him? And what do you do with a wedding ring when you re still married but you are unwilling to wear it?

My second question is this:
Both times when my husband left, there were a lot of really significant secrets that had not yet come out through counselling. And both times, I really wanted to save our marriage. Now that he is back, my husband will sometimes say, "I'm glad I came back home" (this should make me happy, right?). The last couple of times he has said this, I have replied with, "When you say that, I need you to say, "I'm glad you let me come back."

It really bothers me when he says, "I"m glad I came back home." Can you help me figure out why?