I am pleased that we have a forum specifically on this topic. I can't think of a better place that I'd want to share my words.

I chose to write this today so you can have my insite into why some women( Me )stay in an abusive relationship. This part of my life is over and done and thirty years later it is only a memory that does not affect my every day life. I healed from the abuse a long time ago. Today I healed enough to share it with others. So ladies here's a little bit of info from my "Victim Eyes."

My parents didn't have an abusive relationship and I knew what was happening to me was wrong, wrong, dead wrong. There were "NO" signs prior to my marriage and I was totally stunned with shock when I recieved my first slap. Over time,I fought back but grew more fearful each time, when my blows couldn't match his. It was painful.It hurt...

I chose to hide the abuse for many reasons and have included some of them here in no particular order.

One: I was a Catholic and married for better or for worse praying that maybe worse would become better. The problem? The more I tried to fix it the worse it got.

Two: I was ashamed to admit to others that I married a man who was abusive. Around others he was a nice guy(even to me) and you can't work that kind of talk into a conversation anyway.

Three: I lived far away from my family and friends, especially new friends at work. I was isolated and phone calls, when allowed, were monitored.

Four: I didn't want to worry my Mom and if Dad found out I knew he would go to jail. I didn't tell his parents because his Dad would go to jail. Period!

Four: I didn't know I had a place to go and that there was help available..I wasn't around this kind of stuff to know that. I didn't know others were going through this too.

Five: I loved him when I married him. I pitied him when he cried and said he was sorry and it wouldn't happen again. I believed him and hoped he meant it. Chance after chance, I hoped...and hoped...and hoped.

Six: I didn't have any money. I only signed my check and passed it to him.I saw the front once. We worked at the same company

Seven: I was young and scared. My self esteem was slowly stripped away and I believed all the horrible names I was called and all the horrible scenarios about what would happen if I did anything out of the way...Or God forbid ...leave.

Eight: He was my children's Dad and they loved him. He didn't hurt them physically and was always kind to them. He was an excellent Dad.(besides the abuse, I mean)

I could go on and on and believe me...on and on with reasons why I stayed. No two women, relationships etc. are alike but the likeness of the situations are very similar. Age, knowledge and experience keep most of us from entering another abusive relationship.

We can't expect all of you to understand. We know some of you say...wouldn't happen to me,I'd kill the bastard, etc. Believe me, this is what I can also say. Today and only today...but not back then.

I am also going to post on "Why did I leave." Unfortunately, I did the right thing for the wrong reason but I got out...alive.

To be continued...

chick (the more I write...the better I heal)

[ November 05, 2005, 08:47 PM: Message edited by: chickadee ]