Here is the situation: I'm the one married to the abusive alcoholic who seems to be trying in his own way to do the right thing. He's really not a bad man or I wouldn't have fallen in love with him. I love him and feel sorry for him that he is the way he is. He has worked as a postman for 26 years and has a lot of friends and is well liked and well known in the community. He hasn't done anything physical for a long time now and is trying to be as congenial and cooperative as he can be. He is a wounded combat veteran of the Viet Nam war and has a Purple Heart. He says his physical problems and his personality just can't accommodate a three year old. According to him he didn't even have tolerance for his own 3 children. Their mothers raised them apart from him.
He is taking a disability retirement from his work, is selling the house and moving into an apartment complex as the onsite manager. He says he needs me to help him run the complex.
He says I am his wife and he loves me and just wants the two of us to be together. It is a two bedroom, 1 1/2 bath apartment.
The rest of the story is that my youngest daughter who is 23 and her 3 yr. old daughter are living with us right now. My daughter was arrested when she was 19 with her drug dealer boyfriend who is also the father of my 3 yr. old grandaughter. He is serving time in prison. My daughter has been on probation for 3 yrs. Violated it 3 times and is now facing either time herself or going into a program. The program will be outpatient but will be quite intense, therapy, groups, etc. She may not be able to work to support herself and child and she can't drive because she has no license without a special insurance which is very expensive and her license has been suspended. She will have to carry that type of insurance for 3 yrs. She is trying to get her life together and to get out of trouble once and for all. I believe her this time as I actually see her feet moving in that direction.
My husband is making me choose between him and my daughter and grandaughter. We are to move within 2 wks. and my daughter and grandaughter will have no place to live if I don't somehow come up with first, last and security deposit and rent an apartment for us. My husband said he would ask for a loan from his friends of $5K to give to me to take care of the three of us then pay them back when the house, which is in my name too, sells.
Now me, I don't feel like I will ever have a life of my own with the freedom to work and get up and come home to a peaceful, organized home that I have decorated the way I want to.
I haven't had any friends of my own for years as women usually don't like the fact that I think like a man. I am left and right brain and a MENSA member. This fact doesn't endear me to my husband either... Analytical and creative at the same time. I've been on the front lines for a very long time and am a bit angry. I love my daughter very much but I have two others with children also who need me to be their mom. The other thing is that I like men and dating and being in a relationship. I don't want to just be my daughter's nanny and chaffeur. I've been in that position before. My other two daughters think my life revolve around my youngest since she was 11 yrs. old. She has been in and out hospitals, drug rehab, jail. She OD'd on GHB once while I was driving a semi in Oklahoma and I had to rent a car and drive straight thru to the hospital in FL. I was very ill myself while driving and didn't know if I would find her alive or not. I stopped at an ER myself on the way because I couldn't breathe. When I got there they said her boyfriend had carried her out of there to their home. She realizes now that she has made many mistakes and he was one of the biggest.

I've had to sell my car for bail before and am now making car payments again. I could go on and on about the length and breadth of assistance, time, agony and money I have spent helping her until I'm tapped out.

I love my family and my husband with all my heart. I don't know what to do. I'm the only family member she has in FL. No one else is willing to help her. Everyone else has basically written her off. I have hope for her and faith that she will make it. She is a charming, beautiful young woman, wants to be a crime scene investigator. She has shown so much improvement in the past year and this program might be very beneficial to her.
I feel pressure from everywhere including myself. My husband says I'm abandoning him, my daughter says she needs me for just a little while longer, my grandaughter certainly needs me, my other two daughters and their children need their mom and grandmom.
I need to go fishing and relax on the beach. I need to read a good book and cry and talk to friends and laugh at a good movie.
My only sister hasn't spoken to me for two years because she doesn't approve of me. We used to talk all the time. I have a friend but I hate to burden her with my issues. I'd rather have fun with her and she is a mutual friend of my husband and I.
When I get home today after working 8 hrs., my daughter will want me to drive her to the gym and watch my grandaughter for a couple of hours while she works out, then my husband will be angry and wanting me to help move to the new apartment, I will need to be finding an apartment or somewhere for my daughter/her daughter/ and myself to live, and cook dinner, play with and pay attention to my grandaughter and I have an upper respiratory infection. I need to rest. My daughter and I are working thru 'The Purpose Driven Life' together and trying to trust God for whatever happens to us.