KayB, I so understand exactly what you are saying about turning off your emotions, and this makes you very human. I did the same thing, and just had this VERY discussion today with a friend. I told her that the memories of it all were so painful for me, that I cannot get involved right now with other areas of caregiving.

I know I could write things about caregiving, do volunteer work, speeches, and the like, but my heart won't allow it. Not now. So, believe me, I understand. My best to you in your own healing from the loss of your sweet grandmother, and my prayers are with you in your caregiving role as life moves on. I'm here if you ever need me!

JJ