I appreciate all your experiences with this. Jaw-jaw, the need for affinity so often outweighs the promise of integrity. And like Lynn says, the solitude that's needed for most of us to develop integrity can initially be daunting.

I'm sensing another thread here, too. There are "feeders" and "drainers" and "crazy-makers." There is our own need for companionship, which can blind us to energy drains. But I've also been thinking about this: If you're an empathic person, you tend to pick up on the feelings that other people are the most defended against. You walk into a room where everyone is jovial or jolly-- and suddenly you feel anxious or tearful. You think it's menopause or neurosis or social phobia or something. (Don't you love all these labels?) But then, if God grants you the grace to find some quiet, you think back and realize: "I've just walked into a room and felt all the feelings that everyone else was denying. And if I've given voice to those feelings by bursting into tears or saying I feel even more rejected. It's as though I've walked into a room and said, 'Hi! I'm your worst fears! Merry Christmas'" or something. You may have your own version of this. But it's so freeing to get quiet enough to realize your own blind-spots, and to remember the grace that comes from stumbling and learning.

Building boundaries through solitude and prayer, and remembering who we are and what we are called to, is so crucial to us--and crucial, too, to the people who depend on us to be Wise Women.

Thoughts?