You haven't overwhelmed me at all, Nancy, and I suspect that there will be some resonance among the women on the forum.

As you may know, my mother is now in the end stages of Alzheimer's Disease. It's Christmas, which magnifies whatever family dynamics are there; losses seem greater and grief is more acute. The anxiety and tension among family members (whether it is unconscious or conscious) seems to heighten when we are facing major illness, death, or big holidays--and Alzheimer's is a particularly cruel disease, because it goes on for so long.

I must confess that when I went to my parents' yesterday, all my wisdom about balance and self-care went out the window. I was totally consumed by guilt and anxiety--about what I "should" be doing differently, about the clarity with which I saw my mother's decline, and about very extraverted way that my family members celebrate. I would have been much more comfortable with a quiet, peaceful Christmas, instead of loud talk and manic activity, and the determination to bring my mother (who is immobilized in a wheel-chair or in the bed, and barely speaking) to a table surrounded by 14 very active people.

But I have to accept the fact that I'm not in charge. I have to forgive myself for what may be limitations, and realize that my brothers and my father and other relatives are getting through this in the best way they know how--very bravely, with lots of noise and bravado and fanfare. It's not the way I would choose, but I admire them for being true to themselves--and I need quiet time in order to stay healthy.

It sounds like you're doing wonderful work, if you're able to give a week to the Alzheimer's Association. You of all people can empathize with the many ways that family members respond to this situation, and your work is an inspiration to me. My experience is that we often can be the most effective when we offer support to people who have walked a similar path to our own. It's important, too, to get support for yourself. A support group, a therapist or a coach who specializes in working with grief or families and who has some knowledge of Alzheimers could be a life-saver for you during this time, too.

I'm glad you've joined the forum, Nancy. And I hope everyone is enjoying some post-Christmas recovery time today. I'm planning to get out for a long walk, put chilie in the slow cooker to accommodate the crowd of grown children congregated in my home, and settle down in my study by the fire with a good book.

Anyone else want to share about your Christmas, or how you're recovering today?