Frankly? No, I think the only thing here is lots of ups, downs and pain. What I am hearing is that YOU are to blame for everything. It's your problem, not his, is what he is telling you. Reread your posts and see if you can pick that up. He's telling you that if he's in a relationship with you, he doesn't want you to be yourself. (have intense conversations, for example)

Chatty and Dotsie have wise advice. Here's my two cents -- take what you like and leave the rest.

You say you are replaying the tapes of what he says. While this is normal, you might ask yourself a few questions. First, is what he said true? Is it really true? If so, what do you want to do about it that doesn't involve him?

Second, try to live in the right now. Whenever you feel those tapes start, look around you for the good and beauty that you have in your life at that moment.

In order to be in a healthy relationship, one that can last our lifetimes, we know and love who we truly are first. That way, when someone tells us we are the problem in a relationship, we can look at them in the clear light of day and say, "pshaw!" (or something stronger -- LOL!)

When you say you "love" him, what does that mean? What do you love about a man who treats you this way?
Peace,