"What's your handicap these days?" one golfer asked another.
"I'm a scratch golfer....I write down all my good scores and scratch out all my bad one."

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When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take chidren?" the man asked.
"No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."

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A 70-year-old millionaire had just married a beautiful 20-year-old.
"You crafty old codger," said his friend. "How did you get such a lovely young wife?"
"Easy," the millionaire replied. "I told her I was 95."