and I have, though even after this long it is a perilous aspect and still a journey...still mad at the medical profession for dismissing human beings when they are too ill to "continue treatment"..rife with regrets, love for how they made me and how they shaped me and the total wonder that Mom and Helen gave birth to us..the thread is Very Very strong and a thing of wonder (I always wonder, do young mothers know the circle of life that they have created and committed to...it is a treasure beyond ken!) , dismay and guilt...I think we all carry that burden till we heal from the pain. Thank you so much for your post- and Prayers to Orchid, there is so much pain in her loss.