Eagle, Angelica and Anne, thank you for your continued supports, Angel a chara, your pic is beautiful. Eagle, you are such a dear sweet and kind woman and yout posts always resonate like lullibye ballads, Greene, hello there.
It has been over 12/13 years since have needed to hospital addmitions, so I have been hammering myself hard about this fact. Before the long break, my psych history started when I was fifteen, when I was a serial selfharmer..tonns of hospital admittions, horrific drug regimes, threats of ECT!!!
I have been letting things become more and more conditioned by the ideas of others-this just sucks me dry, and I know I have said this a thousand times....I point blank will not allow such controls and contradictions into my life. So, if I chose to walk, it will be done with a little dignity. Yeah sure, it will hurt llke hell and all things taken into account....I have some hard labour ahead in the not so distant future. no more isolation, no more forgiving behavours and making excuses, no more malice and cruelty,
I have put myself in the line of fire for a very long time and still, I cannot dodge the onslaughht of bullets from every conceivable angle anymore.
Every trick in the book has been used against me, while I sit about and wait in the vain hope that I can get myself back to a place of love, loyalty and truthes even if they sting somewhat. Same BS, different day is all. The anger that I am experiencing is possibly the only thing that would give me a fighting chance of rising above he dark hell that is my life right now. Only time will out.

Poppie