Eagle , you have such a big heart and kind soul..you deserve back all of the love that you so willingly give...I know it's difficult when you want to reach out to a family member but can't because of some silly misunderstanding or misinterpretation of an event...what gets me through those times is this...I think back to a happy occasion or time when I was close to the person that I miss..and I visit with them in my heart...and then I tell them in my mind that I am always here waiting for you when you want to come back to me...I learned this little exercise in grief counseling after my darling mother died and my sister and her family were being nasty to me...it helps...truly it does..and then I go on with my life...my given family may be absent now but I have wonderful friends who love me and let me love them in return...I too am sending you
(((BIG HUGS))) and praying that you can find some peace of mind.
Take good care of yourself my Friend.