Duck walks into a tavern, hops up on the barstool and says to the 'keep, "I need a ham sandwich and a pint."
The 'keep replies, "You can talk!"
The duck answers, "I see your ears work, how about some lunch?"
The barman is still dumbfounded. "You're a duck!"
The duck shrugs. "I see your eyes work too - but not your hands or your feet. How about my order?"
The barman fetches him a sandwich from the kitchen and draws him a pint. He brings it over and sets it on the counter in front of the duck who proceeds to eat his lunch. The barman still doesn't know what to make of it though and says, "You know, I don't think I have ever seen you around here before."
"That is because I'm not from around here.", the duck replies. "I am working a job across the street and am just in for lunch. The sandwich was good though." he says draining his pint, "I will be back I think."
Sure enough, for the next week the duck is in every day for lunch.

The circus comes to town. Being a small town after they pitch tent the carnival folks fill the tavern. Overhearing them talk the barman asks if the Ringmaster is around, pulls him aside and confides, "Would you be interested if I told you I know of a talking duck?"
The man thinks a minute and answers, "That is an act I have never seen. I would be willing to pay a lot of money for that act to join my troupe. I will be in town just for tomorrow but if they are interested tell them to come down and see me."
The next morning passes anxiously for the barman but sure enough the duck comes in for lunch. He has his pint and sandwich waiting. The barman cannot wait to tell him, "I think I have found you another job if you are interested. It is supposed to pay very well."
The duck sits down. "Really? I am almost finished across the street and am always looking for the next bit of work. Where's it at?"
"At the circus." the barman answers, "They will pay you very well!", he adds quickly as the duck sets down his sandwich and gives him the eye.
"The circus?"
"Yes, the circus"
"The place with the animals and the ring?"
"Yes, the circus."
"The place with the big tent with a hole in the middle?"
"Yes, the circus!"

"The duck sits and thinks for what seems forever and then says,"What in the hell do they want with a Plasterer?!?!"

Badum-bum.