I'm sure your attraction to your ex stemmed from your relationship with your mother. Their personalities are a lot alike and your inner self recognized this. This combination can cause obsession sometimes.

My ex abuser was a lot like my dad and after therapy, I understood that was the draw. If I could get it right with the ex, it was like getting it right with my dad. And, until we finally "get it" we will continue to draw the same people into our lives.

You have to work out your relationship with yourself first. To continue to go back into situations that hurt us (your mother) is a form of self-abuse and must be something you think you deserve. I know I did. Until I stopped allowing these people to treat me the way they did, my story never changed.

You don't have to have a face to face or write a letter because the past is a very good indicator of the future. You've done that and was hurt again so why do it again? Because you keep hoping you'll get a different response.

Consider this: you are a better person because of the way she treats you. You have compassion for those who have been unloved by their role models, you can help others who have been abused, you have an understanding that was caused by your walk through fire. Use these things to help others and your own life will be healed.

Focus on what you have, not on what you don't have. As far as I know, you have a good paying job, are continuing your education, own your own house, have the love of your pets and even have a horse to ride. This can be your focus. You've done very well for yourself in spite of your mother.