Ladies, I've 'spoken' of the difficult relationship I have w/ my mother and family, which stems from childhood (emotional from parents, sexual from uncles) abuse that continued into adulthood by us girls marrying abusive men. I'm out of that relationship and have learned to disengage and set boundaries with my mother and other family members.

Through this process of setting boundaries, I've learned to control my responses and anger at the still hurtful things my mother says. For instance, I was not invited for Christmas dinner, so I entertained myself. For Christmas presents I mostly purchased gift cards. For the younger nieces I asked Mom what would they like and that's what I bought, and Mom bought the same thing, so I exchanged as necessary. I planned to take my niece to the museum, instead Mom took her, so I made other plans. I took Mom to lunch and we shopped for my kitchen furniture, yet later she complained to her husband. Also, she told the furniture store reps how much money I made and that I was expecting a raise, so we were just looking and if 'my daughter gets the pay raise, she'll come back and place the order'! I was so embarrassed! Then she said I need new bed linens and picked out a nice horse hunt scene, knowing I'm on a budget, afterall I'm awaiting that raise. So, I ask her how much, she replies half off! Again, I ask how much? It was about $800 w/out the decorative pillows! I just had to leave b/c by that time I could not breath and was feeling rather hot, think I saw some stars, too!

She calls me on New Years eve and abruptly asks why I have not picked up her dog b/c they are going to the lake for the holiday, yet this was the first I've heard and the last to know! I told her to bring over the dog and pick him up when they get back.

She informed me a few days ago that her husband (my step-father) is having heart surgery next Thursday, and I'm the last to know! This is major surgery! And she tells me as if she were asking me to pass the salt!

Tonight she actually volunteered to walk my dog after she gets off work today @ 4 PM, knowing that I have class tonight and would not be home until after 9 PM. I usually turn off my phone while in class, yet tonight I did not and she called me at 7:30 PM to inform me that the key no longer worked and she was unable to walk my dog! I was so mad and asked why had she not called me earlier when she arrived at my house as I could have given the exterior security code and she could have gained entrance through the garage! Poor dawg! She says she was only trying to help, yet caused more stress.

The last few times she tried to help my pergo flooring actually cracked as did my rear vehicle bumper!

Everything is the opposite with her and I truly belive it is intentional. She will drop everything and drive 100+ miles to help my siblings or a friend, yet cannot remember to include me in family holidays.

Recently, she invited me over to discuss the 2007 family vacation. Now, last year we planned our vacation to Disney World for Thanksgving 2006. Well, May 2006 they went and did not tell me until they returned that the vacation had been changed! Apparantly, my mother forgot to confirm the timeshare, thus the early vacation. My mother retired from Ma Bell (Bell South) after 30 years, and she can't figure out how to make a phone call?

Thanksgiving 2006 we usually meet at aunt/uncle across town and I'm told to bring 2 casseroles. My aunt asks why I brought two as she asked that we each bring one item, my mother complains that it was my idea! I bought Christmas tickets to an outdoor light show near the river and she complained even though I was paying! We took my two youngest nieces and they loved it.

She expects me to take care of her when her husband is not able, yet I don't want to. I love her, but don't like her very much. She and my biological father did not protect us from abuse and placed their 'things' and 'social lives' 1st. My sister and I raised ourselves.

So enough of that. Is it my responsibility to take care of a parent(s) that did not do the same for a child(ren)? I feel that keeping the boundaries guarantees my sanity.

Due to circumstances I've become a loner, not the type to have a bunch of friends, have learned to not worry about what others think about me (well almost), am learning to be true to myself, I try not to snow or dazzle anyone.

Her attempts to help cause stress and financial costs when she 'accidently' damages my property. When the later occurs, she simply says well you did much worse things as a child. Well, thats just it, I was a child, I'm a responsible adult now and she is a 60ish year old child/martyr.

Nothing I accomplish is ever good enough. Thus, why do I feel guilty for not wanting to take care of her as says I must do? I feel it is her responsibility to make the appropriate plans, I believe it is a selfish request and don't want to speak of it again with her. I will not allow emotional blackmail, as a child she did this, it cannot continue.

I'll stop. Am I being unreasonable? Gosh, here I go questioning myself again! Is this not what an abuser wants a victim to do?

Yet, please do pray for my step-father's surgery next week.

Thanks for listening again Ladies.