Hi ladies - I hope I'm doing this right - I'm trying to start a new topic...but I've been out of the loop for so long, I don't know if I'm doing it right.

JJ, Chatty, and the rest of you "ol timers" (see how I didn't write "old")...

Remember last year when we had the perputal (however you spell that word) story where somebody continued the story.

WELL, there is 3 feet of snow here in Colo., I could use a diverson, and a few good laughs!

can we build a story toghether? Can we? Can we? please, please, please!

O.K....I'll start (and can I put a rule that ELVIS may NOT show up, and the Chipendales have to behave themselves?) O.K., JJ, no rules....

Here goes...................




It was a cold, wet, snowy day in Colorado. The beautiful boomer babe was snowed into her cozy house.......

chatty...JJ...Dots....

snuggled under a down comforter drinking mulled cider and reading TRUST IN THE WIND, written by her boomer sister. The wind howled outside. She heard a noise,

I heard a tapping at my window and went over to look , could it be the wind or a branch from a tree, do I dare to go look . So I went over to the the window and what did I see , but...........

Santa Clause without his pants!! So I hurriedly pulled the blinds so the grandchildren couldn't see and I crept quietly out the door to have a chat with this jolly, pantless, old elf.

I said, "Santa,....."

"what ever happened to your britches? You could get arrested for exposure -- and think of all the dissapointed children"...

TO which Santa replied, "...............

"well it's not MY fault! I had just delivered wonderful presents to a house in Alabama; strange though, because it was just a lot of Elvis trinkets and oreos, but that's beside the point.... anyway, I was about to head back up the chimney when I felt someone holding onto my pants!!

That scared the living daylights out of me, so I shot up out of the chimney as fast as I could go.... and whoever was in that house still has my pants!"

I shook my head, trying to think who would do such a thing to Santa Claus. A crazed baby boomer woman, no doubt, looking for a man bearing gifts....

Just then, we hear a loud bang and both turned to see...

There was Mrs- Santa Claus standing like an ignited red firecracker ready to explode. Under one arm she cupped the end of a rifle, while propping the smoking barrel on top of her rounded belly.

She frantically waved the backfire from her rudy face. "Santa!" she wheezed, " I'm gonna make you dance prettier than a prancing Vixen if you don't tell me within the next hundredth of a Comet shooting-star second, what the dickens you're doing talking to that lady out here in your "Ho - Ho" shorts!"

.....

Santa stared at her and the rifle she held then stuttering he tried to explain what had happened while delivering gifts to a woman in Alabama. He said, "I should have expected some shenanigans when she set out a shot of Irish whiskey, some oreo's and Elvis was singing on the record player, "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" No wonder I bolted, that darn woman stepped out from behind that Christmas wearing nothing but a......

Santa hat and three matching pom poms. She had a reciept from Dr. Dod's office in her hand. Waving furiously, she said "Santa you have to pay this bill from last year."
"What bill?" Mrs Clause said in a huff.
"The bill from the Doctor's office, Ms Pom Pom said.
"Yeah, you remember Santa....?
The Holiday Inn was gonna charge us $60.00 and the Hilton said $75.00. We did it at the Doctors office....'member NOW!
Sign....sign it's for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare.
Did what at the Doctors office, Nick? Mrs Clause inquired.
Well, er...we, ah...

"Gotta go my dear," Santa exclaimed while adjusting his new trousers, "the gifts need giving and the reindeers are getting restless." Santa jumped into the sleigh and as he wiped his brow he thought, "wow that was close, now to business, lets see next stop Las Vegas, shouldn't be any problems there." Little did Santa know that awaiting him in Las Vegas was

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another boomer gal just waiting for him to slide down the chimney!

She'd been a good girl all year and had waited patiently..."What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas", she whispered to herself as she set the last of her plans in place.

"Let's see, cookies, hot spiked cidar...all I need now is a little Christmas magic."

the magic started in her hart waiting she whistfully thought throw all the years events. Ponderring she sat beside the fireplace, barly regesterring the coldness of the stone thrugh her sheer nightwaire. Absently she whistled a tune from behind her teeth, denoting mournfullness one minet laughter the next all and all it's been a good year...exept from that one little instadent of....

sparkles, golded floted from her fireplace, she knew he approches, could she really detain the clauss man for the night when so many children rellied on him for their only teensty weenstie present they get in all the year, the ooonllyyyy one

startled from her thoughts and humming..... black boots appeared tipped with white trim, woke her from her mussing, slender athletic legs musculer from all the climbing appered next and as the soot from the fireplace began to settle and the dazzling golden swirrling fleck incressed into a dense haze. As the haze slowed and settled she made out a figure standing tall and proud...a deep voice resonated round the room and originated from the direction of the fireplace. Once again the voice called

Hi.. my name is Julie London...I have been away a while with my buddy Elvis...but then some Big Bearded Bloke asked me to bring you something, as he was exausted, halucinating and sick to his belly after eating too many sweeties. He gave me this parcel and instructed me to tell you that it could only be opened when you have been kissed by a......

singing reindeer. Well, it's OK if he finishes the song first, and then kisses you. But no one ever gives the reindeer anything, and they work so hard. So if you'll just...

…step outside. He's pawing a hole in the ground, he's so impatient." Julie London opened the front door and beckoned the Las Vegas Lady to follow her.

"I have to kiss the singing reindeer in order to open the parcel? That's crazy." The Las Vegas lady laid her housecoat over her shoulders and hesitantly followed Julie outside.

There the reindeer proudly stood; his antelopes blinking off and on like neon Vegas lights, while he lisped between pursed flabby lips: "All I want for Christmas is a Kiss from You."

The boomer lady patiently waited till the reindeer finished his song. She then bent over and gave him a big smack.

Julie London quickly placed the parcel on the ground. Right before their eyes, the parcel started to expand and grow in all directions. It spewed out fog and mighty firecracker sounds filled the air.

The single Boomer lady's eyes widened, as she spied through the dense mist a faint outline of a man…..

Suddenly the Vegas ladys eyes opened wide and before her holding a bottle of bubbly stood tall, sexy Sam Elliott. Julie hopped on the reindeer and disappeared into the night shouting "Merry Christmas Chatty, enjoy him, he's yours for the night." She pulled Sam inside, turned off the lights, settled onto the sofa, and

...this scene has been edited due to mature content....

Afterwards, as the sun rose over the desert (it's Vegas, ladies - they have sun!) they ventured out by the pool. Sam volunteered to pose for a few photos, since the Vegas lady knew her friends would never believe this!

The Vegas lady jumped into the pool, and they had the pool boy (who was a tad jealous, to say the least!) take some pics.

...and then....

(c'mon girls, I know you've got more story lines up your sleeves!)

(Kathy, can't wait for Chatty to see this! Lol)

"Oh Sammy, how did you get so tanned?" Chatty said, while playfully splashing water on Sam's back."

"Oh Baby," Sam said. "I'm a busy man. Just came from Florida. Those pools are life threatening, though…They look like moats and have alligators in them!"

As Sammy tried to hide the big hole in the rear of his Speedo and the huge bite mark on his behind, he explained how he actually fell into JJ's moat in Alabama and the aligators got him as he ran from the moat into JJ's arms.

smile

Meanwhile, Lady Chatterly passed out from sun, sam, and tequila sunrises. She had no idea what was going on. Lady Chatterly had waited for sam for years, until he came to his senses to visit his long lost love in Nevada. And there she was, unconscious on the pool deck, missing out on her new found sexiest man alive. Back in the mountain land of Colorado, Princess Lenora was snow bound. Her Prince got stuck in his chariot, an unpretentious Toyota Corolla, as he left work in a blizzard to get home to his fair princess. Fortunately, a handsome Duke in his Nissan Titan came to rescue the Prince from being stranded in the snow on the path to home. The handsome Duke brought the Prince home to the Princess in the blizzard. However, the Duke got his Nissan Stallion stuck in his very own moat at his very own castle. The Prince and Princess paid the Duke back with homemade cookies from the Princesses' castle, which was all there was to eat since the blizzard closed all roads and stores. You see, the Queen of the land had said, "Let them eat cake" so they ate cookies. Now, the princess is reading the story about the lady Chatterly and her Sam in the sun, which even the lady is unaware of because she is passed out. So Sam, ever the sexy sun God, turns to the lady Chatterly, and says,

Hon, he drawled "i'd love to fly you to the moon", but we can't beat gravity, so i know you will "cry me a river" I know their is "french kissing in the USA" but "londens calling" so it's a gonna be the uk for you and me, that ok in the uk hon,

she wanted to "take a walk on the wild side" and said "she's leaving on a jet plan" to go native in the uk, it's the magik of christmass. In the land of the Monarchy could she visite "we 3 kings of orinet are" and "good king wenstlis" he last looked down... but we could cheer him up, could't we.

Their's the scotlish monarchy "Bonnie charlie" who be on the "speed....(and) bonnie boat like a bird on the wing" becouise he been exiled (and dead now, don't do drug's) Theirs so much to see in the land of "Scotland the brave" as well as the "Flower of Scotland" that grows in the "mull of Kintyre" .....we could have a trip of a life time hun, i say yea let's do it...."just jump" hon....

before we go i tell you what i need before we go "I need a lover with a slow hand" i need "99 red ballons" and as the BOSS springtine say's "Down by the river" we will go couse we were "born to be wild" We may have been " Born in the USA" but in "my home town" We had heard of "Anerchy in the UK" and i want to see to feel the fresh breaze of freedom in my hair we could be "heros" just for one day...While so close we could visite ireland...

"weer irish eye's are smilling" and what's her names son "Danny boy" they'd be my "lagan love" who "moved throw the fair". It be fine we could eat cockels and musles from "mollie malone" market stall...We be welcomed becouse their awfully frendly...and their's more BOMMER WOMAN their...and i know they would't try to steal you from me, your waaaay to hairy.....Anyway "their getting married in the morning" So let's go and show thse lassie's what a real tan is or heck even what a tan is...and besides "it's christmass" "oh christmass time" and ther will be singing and "rosting chestnut's on an open fire" and we know in their hart's their be singing, couse they love Bing and lover "I'm dreaming of a white christmass" instead of the usule freezing gray one's prone to Ireland

So off we go lover to the land of "hope and glorie"....I hear lola singing E clapton "lola" She an ex pat of the good ol USA and has a armie of chipmunks with guns as the FBeye are a watching ...so to lola we shall go.....

celtic_flame
"_____" are all song names just in case you don't know them lol

............love of her life or not she go mad if I let you think she spelled as bad as the above post........sorry all it was me in her identity againnnnnnnn oppppsssss.

now i am logged on as me ohhhhhhh wooooo is me......

Sorry for the interuption with that short news flash folks you heared it heer at KWB first

and the storie continues.........hay lola in the UK

OH MY GOD KATHY.....I was off all day editing a new novel I just received and popped in for only a second and there WE were, Sam and Me. I nearly split a gut laughing...YOU are remarkable with the things you can do...Now for he rest of the story.

Santa who now has Lola in his sled singing, has been busy trying to get his elves in gear. They are now high over Maryland looking for a warm place to take refuge for a time, and low and behold Lola spots the perfect place and yells at Santa to ......

"SSTTOO0PPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! This is it! This is Dotsie's house! See, there's the tree that doggone cat was in for days! And look, there's her flowers. And way over there - that's the mall she walks through all the time!"

Santa pulled the reindeeer up to a screeching halt on the roof, knocking over the satellite dish. Russ came running out of the house to see why his sports show had stopped so abruptly.

"What the heck is going on," said Russ. "I think you're a little early. Who are you looking for? And did you bring me a new flat screen?"

"Ho-Ho-Ho" said Santa, "We are here to......

do a little holiday chorus line for you. Santa rolled up his trousers till they were above his boots. The reindeer all lined up with their spangled antlers. Music started from somewhere above the earth, and Santa and the reindeer all kicked spontaneously.

Geesh, did you have to stop and start so suddenly, Santa? Give me a hand I can't get up from here!"


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Arm in arm, Dotsie and Russ came out of the house to see what was the clatter.

Chatty, who was tucked in the sled, popped her head out between toy fire engines and soft to touch dolls.

"Dotsie!" She hollered, pushing Sam-Baby aside.

"Chatty? Oh my heavens!" Dotsie cried! "What are you doing here?"

"Looks like Santa has lost his sense of direction." Chatty laughed. "We were on our way to Lola's house. Sam and I were so busy back in the sled we didn't pay much attention to where Santa was heading to."

"Lola's house!" Dotsie exclaimed! Can I come too?! "

Santa looked back on his sled. "Sure, the sled is made out of the best silicone on the market; you know, the same used for breast enlargements. It's soft, expandable…"

Dotsie interrupted Santa. "Move over Chatty, and you too Mr. Sam - hunk. Let's go Santa! Off we go to Lola's house!"

"Okay, you silly Yank expat. Get up. We're at Dotsie's house", Santa said. "Ring the doorbell and ask for the woman to come out and get her present. She's been awfully good this year and I cannot shimmy down the chimney. With my belly and the box...ain't gonna make it down. Ring the doorbell."

Riiiiiiingggg! Buzzzzzzzzz! Buzzzzzzz!

A woman came to the door..........follow me she said...

"That ain't Dotsie!" Santa said. "Who are you woman?"


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This is England calling. /URL][/image]

I've lost the plot and will be back shortly with something. Do carry on while I think...

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The sleigh was heavy with passengers, Dotsie, Lola, Sam, Chatty and a couple strange looking short men in red tights. Santa was getting peeved at all the crowding so he stopped short over Colorado, pushed opon the sleigh door and tilted it enough that his human cargo all fell out and as they floated towards the snowy ground they could be heard calling to Danita...Sam exclaimed hows come you are falling so slowly, as he clung to Chatty. Dotsie giggled and said because we are all "Arbonne" gals thats why....Danita ran out onto the balcony, looking up at the silly sight began to......

Scream and run for her valium....praying to God that she could remember where she stashed them(for emmergencies only of course!!!)...afterall, she thought she was halucinating. No this was real and happening before her eyes.

Once the merry cargo disentangled themselves from Sam..(much to Lady Chatterly's annoyance)...they approached the door. Lola started first...explaining to Danita(now mildly sedated) that santa did indeed exist.....but they should have been heading for Ireland to pick up the Celtic family. Danita proudly exclaimed that she still had some magic santa dust from last year.....so they had three wishes to work with......

First wish would be for a reindeer who can hold his drink and fly us where we want to
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Second wish, that all the Boomer ladies at BWS can get together to celebrate Christmas together...but where?

Meanwhile, Princess Lenora remained snowbound in her castle in the Colorado Springs. She wished that the sleigh, which had brought Lady chatterly out of her coma, would stop by her castle and pick her up, as she had no food. The Princess was still eating her very own homemade cakes and cookies for dinner. Her Prince worked until 1:00 am in a restaurant that was more like a zoo what with people coming out of their housebound homes to make merry.Happily his chariot did make it through the snow drifts back to the castle ok in the dark. This is a big deal because even the Post Office cannot get the mail delievered to the castle what with the 9 foot snow drifts. And the princess is expecting all sorts of goodies to be delivered from throughout the world. But Princess Lenora did not want to waste a wish on her own selfish self needs of attention from her boomer sisters in the land of USA, UK, and Celtic country. So she wished for another wish, which was....

that the great thaw came and rescued the princess......failing that a rope ladder and a helicopter.

the SS Enterprise with captain J T Kirk transforted us family and all (if you want them lol) to a warmer climet, secrite locasion in hawie for the afternoon, the first inclusive bommer womans meeting....free facial, and strees reducing massage included, Oh and for those that need to diet for say a wedding or anything, cling fill plastic wrapp treatment garenteed to lose 2 stone and produce firm trim muscles and skin(pheewwww).....

.....christmass cocktail being served at the christmass bouffe the woman decide or try to tell the screen names from the real names.....and if you really look like your pictures....

the party commences.....a woman who closly resemboles a bird feeder used to store candy....holds court...

celtic_flame

and teaches some of the boomerwomen to dance

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but the others said: "We don't have bodies to expose and would rather be quick with our feet." So, off they went to jive. Some were lucky to find partners to dance with[/URL][/image]

Others watched and still enjoyed themselves. They all wondered about what they were going to do back at the mainland where it will surely be cold. So, a boomerwomen suggested...

While all the others bowed graciously to Queen JJ, who wasn't too happy about the candy dish/bird feeder resemblance. The poor dear was coughing, her eyes red and puffy, her nose resembling that of Rudolph, who was not amused either. She was covered in Meredithbead jewelry and had a bag of cookies uinder her arm from who else but Cookie. Dianne popped up from nowhere wearing her new white fur boots and little else, she and Lynnie had been brain storming a new book and stopped to see what all the commotion was. Noticing Sam in the background with Chat, Queen JJ waved her magic wand but before she could ....

"wicking wear" Divine Danita chimed in to say, "what a good idea: Divine Dianne and Princess Lenora aka Lynnie working on a book together. And Lady Chatterly, aka Chatty, will be the editor." Meanwhile, the day at the spa was going well, what with products from the Arbonne line soothing tired muscles that had been flapping in the wind to help poor Rudolf lead the sleigh. Hey, that wasn't really Rudolf, was it? Oh, no, it was indeed JJ, who for just one moment was misrepresented as a reindeer, when in fact she is royalty. As for the suggesting that Lola alluded to, some boomer women decided that they wanted to take their new Brazilian waxed bodies to....

visit meredithbead in California. Hey, it's not Hawaii, but the food is a lot cheaper. And it never snows. Unfortunately, Santa got caught in a traffic jam ABOVE LA --like, did I mention that traffic's really bad here? -- because 47 SkyCam helicopters, representing every TV and radio station in Southern California, were hovering above the freeways filming a really slow-moving car chase that...

got Santa and the boomers so annoyed and hungry. So they decided to stop for

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and

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and talk about the forthcoming boomer wedding. All pondered about what they were going to wear to this wedding. Da Queen says..............

...let's go up to the mountains and visit Rick and June, since we're already in California. I bet Kathy would have a "wicking" wedding dress for the gals, in case they get all sweaty from their wild wedding party."

"Sounds good," said the crew. "Ask Meredith to meet us there, since it's just a short drive for her. And then she can see that it DOES snow in California!"

The sleigh and it's passengers all headed to the mountains to find a place to land. The only helicopters up there were the ones picking up the injured snowboarders and taking them to the hospital. Meanwhile, Meredith left the warmth of her OC home and headed for the hills.

Meredith pulled into the driveway just as the sleigh was landing on the roof. "C'mon girls," she said, "Let's see if she's home!" . . . .

kathy rushed to her door to see what was the matter, oh my goodness she cried, whats all this clatter?

The sleigh perched on her roof top, Meredith, jewelry in hand, both hollered to Santa is that a smart place to land?

In the meantime the ladies all eager to see, scurried off the rooftop, some had to pee. Kathys arms were open to one and to all, she was just happy that no one did fall...

The party got wild, Santas was off in his sleigh, he hadn't forgotten he had presents to display....

The Boomers declared this a holiday to remember, shucks said Popea, "I'm supposin we're needin to be good now until next December."
TIS THE END

Muwahhha..haaa, laughed Popea ......."WE'RE BEHIND YOUUUUU"...slapped her thigh in panto(poof) fashion, grabbed Celtic...a gallon of guinness and the City Hall registrar. Kathy and Hannelore would be witnesses. "We have decided to bring the date forward and the wedding to you Ladies.......now...let's get this party started!!"

The end of somethings...and the beginning for others.

Happy Christmas All.

Popea and Celtic.

Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu people! I have laughed so hard that I can't stop coughing now!

THIS WAS EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! I can't remember reading anything that made me laugh so hard...well, except MY book, ahem....

You girls deserve a trophy. Well, all except Chatty. Girl, back awayyyyyyy from da Sam. Geeish....Oh well, you know the how the saying goes, if you can't love the one with cooties(that's me) love the one you're with (that's Chatty!)

I LOVED IT!

How in the world did I miss this? I've been here every day and never saw it.

But it isn't over...

"We must celebrate the new year together," announced Dots. So boomer women everywhere(except diamond)boarded airplanes and headed to Hawaii...

Flight to Hawaii, with boomerwomen on board, departs on a "non-fixed-wing" aircraft

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From the cockpit, the pilot announced: "Boomerwomen, we now have Hawaii on sight..as a matter of fact, we have a Hawaiian on sight...

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Someone asked: "Who could that man be?

Oh, it's Don...that ho...I mean, Don Ho, says JJ ...

But just as the plane starts to land, something or someone else comes into the view....OMGosh...it's...it's....

Who else, but... [/URL][/image]

who happens to be a neighbour of Diamond. He say: "Danno......

"I hear a group of beautiful baby boomer women are flying over this very minute.,

Now I know, Diamond, you're in a flurry, trying to get the party organized. That's why I'm here, not to just solve mysteries and do boring detective work. I'm here to save the day! Stick me into your 6 foot cake with the strawberry frosting. I'll make those gals scream with glee. heehee."

In the meantime, another neighbour of Diamond's was earwigging and could not help but intrude into the conversation.

[URL][/image] "Well, let's just hope that THAT Sam is'nt coming for the ride. I quite fancy being the only hunk around."

"No way, Jose...but where Chatty goes...I go", says Sam

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"Oh, JJ!!!!! Sam's at it again!!!"

in celtic land they decided to adhorn traditional clothing, tailered jaket, big white socks, scien doo, sporran and swissy kilt (they really do swish lol) all packed the lassie's and one wee laddie headed for the airport. Getting past the security was the hardest but that being dun they stood on the tarmack with tumbs high, hiching a jumbo....all seemed lost for a while till a leg was showen then some nice we piolet stoped, down came a rope ladder and the three got on, quite a feet with a wind from a jet enjene and a kilt you know......the child took priority over the toilets, po over the drink trolly and celtic_ over the films.....they wondered how the others were getting over too hiwia for the new years and if they make it before hogmanay.....

celtic_flame

Meanwhile....Hannelore, in the 6 foot cake with strawberry frosting.


was entertaining...

Chickadee, that wasn't me talking up there...that was Jack Lord himself from Hawaii 5-0...was he sick?

Maybe...so Hannelore had to jump in the last minute? Wow! That's cool. I bet she ate her way through the top. teehee

oops...sorry hannelore.
Heeers.....Jack

In the meantime, Yank expat boomer in London, and grandmother of three, failed to catch the flight from where the Celtic Popea and child L thumbed a ride. Yank expat boomer in London, and grandmother of three, was forced to make a decision if she is to meet up with the rest of the gang in Hawaii for the New Year's celebration. She's gonna swim the course!!! Atlantic to Pacific. Heck...easy-peasy.

Snow day story, it aint done, cause another storm is on the run. In the states, over the mountains, the plane has passed, but the girls get sassed. Jim Beam and his friends in the small little bottles arranged for the girls to get out their goggles. They peered through the windows to get a good look at the hotel in which they were booked. 10 minutes to landing and boomers can rock, so they all got up to dance without sock. Closer and closer they got to the sun to try to avoid the storm, on the run. But first a quick stop on the ocean to see if Lola the xpat had expired at sea!

Nope. She has'nt. Yank expat boomer in London, grandmother of three a.k.a Lola, still swimming...backstroke...breastroke...crawl...THEN, she spots through her goggles the gang...Jim Beam, Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels, Remy Martin, Justinini & Brooks (J&B to you guys) and their ladies of course, waving out to her by the coastline: "That a-way, that a-away! Hug the southern coastline. Stay away from the Bermuda Triangle and take a breather in Florida at Vicki's. She awaits you. Seems she still got choc chips cookies left over from Christmas".


Yank expat boomer in London, grandmother of three a.k.a. Lola, waved back to Lynnie who was sat in front of her easel contemplating the next masterpiece. Friends. What would one do without them and thought to herself: I knew those guys back from the old days aboard the Cutty Sark. (Hey writer people: do I need quotation marks for thoughts???)

Vicki waves Lola on over for a break from her swimming. She feeds her chocolate chip cookies with a glass of nice cold milk. Lola talks me into jumping into my swimsuit and following her to Hawaii. Why not?!? Vicki tells hubby to watch her dog, Jack, and her parrot, Bailey, and she'll be back whenever. They head west and jump into Tampa Bay waving goodbye as they slip under the Sunshine Skyway Bridge and into the Gulf of Mexico.

With bellies stuffed with choc chip cookies and milk...off they went...asking for directions out of Florida. "Follow me", he says



in the meantime, news has spread of the boomer gathering in Hawaii and networks sent journalists to record a momentous occasion

The forgotten part of the UK Scotland(The BBC sem to think north of Watford is as far as they can imagine)has such snow as to cover everything except the roofs of houses.
Not to be daunted Maontain ash climbed her attic ladder and looked out the Velux(,ade locally)window.
A helicopter circles the village.Taking her bright red Christmas tablecover she beckoned.
Now Mountain Ash's husband is a radio buff.He is a licensed Radio Amateur so he got down to sending messages.Everyone liked the new station and soon in Ash's home there was an alternative radio station.Here she had a poetry circle shorts stories by sister boomers.Daily recipe times and soon everyne knew..........Scotland is far North past Watford.

Ash started having women from all over to stay...Life suddenly became wonderful all thanks to a snowy day

Alas, alas, calling all boomers, it is a blizzard again, yet again, in the rocky mountain region of the USA. No need for wicking wear here, Lynnie says. She wants Lola to introduce her to the warmth of the gang; how does Lola know the names of each member? Too funny, too funny, dolphins doing laps, now Lynnie needs to know how she can find a hammock to take a nap. And where is the Divine Danita who started this all, it seems she made us a story, then kicked us all....in the OH well, we'll give her a pass, she's too busy with cards and skin care galore, the old gal is spunky, too good to ignore....You all may think the snow day has gone, but here in the rockies the snow is not done. Oh send in the clowns, send in the gang, give me a break, I am house bound!

Air rescue hovers over Scotland and Colorado searching for Mountain Ash, Danita and Lynnie to fly them off to sunny Hawaii where rumour has it that Diamond has bought fireworks to greet the New Year.


In the meantime, DAY 3 of the big swim to Hawaii:

"Are we there yet?"



"Nope", says Vicki. "Keep on swimming"



They have now reached the last leg of the swim journey and are off the coast of California. Out of the blue:

"Yoohooo, I'm swimming to Hawaii for the boomerwomen New Year celebrations with 'ya! Wait up! Darn...this water is cold!"

All the women who went by plane drove to the beach to wait for the rest of the gals to swim in. They were all decked out in their suits carrying lotion, towels, blankets, books, coolers, and

Hair removal products, slinky incontence knickers, evening primrose...and a whole other host of herbal remedies. Maids(ah well a girl can dream!!!)toothe whiteners, tweasers(heaven forbid we would forget those!!!)Da Queens tiara(best keep on her good side) h.r.t patches....and last but not least.....

Cabanna boys...carrying beautiful tropical drinks and trays of OREOS!

hayyyyyy i am so exited

OREOS..........

We form a big circle and hug and laugh and hug and laugh.
The camera crew is so delighted to see so many happy women, smiling while spewing Orio cookie crumbs everywhere they go.
Suddenly a very attractive reporter approaches Dotsie and hands her an envelope. Of course we all crowd around her to find out what it is.
She opens the envelope and screams, "Oh my word! All of us are all invited to……."

Don Ho's show! And we're going to be his guests of honor!

Dotsie gathers all of the ladies together and starts shepherding them toward the hotel a few steps away from the beach. She orders all ladies to gussy themselves up and meet in the lobby in two hours. She tells them that they're going to ride to the show in a

One for each ravishing lass......

the more darring went by bike

the more radical went bit by bit


and more bits

the rest just walked




very fast in case they went to peices

"Where's Hawaii? Are we there yet?"



"Once again. Nope. Quit stopping and asking. Just keep swimming."

Chatty had other ideas of her form of transportation and she placed a call to one of her favorite heart-throbs, DOG the Bounty Hunter....He left Beth at home and shined up his handcuffs, remembering the good time he and Chatty had when he visited Vegas the last time. She told him to bring his possee because she had some oh so bad, frisky single gals that needed to be cuffed and taught a lesson, maybe two if the possee was lucky...Oh Danita, Anne, JJ, Saundra, Daisygirl, starting over, Jane Carroll, MustangGal and Lynnie have I got a surprise for you....fresh meat. You see the tropics make me go native, hucha, hucha...

Suddenly the warning sirens began to blare on the beach and the beach patrol said they spotted whales off the coast heading for shore, they cleared the water but upon closer scrutiny by their helicopter pilot, he radioed in, "False alarm, false alarm, its just a couple of......."

Boomer ladies!! I knew it couldn't be whales - they were too skinny! And sure enough, here comes Lola and Vicki, body surfing right up to the sandy shore.

They crawled out of the water, exhuasted and with sand and salt stuck to their bodies. Their string bikinis were barely hanging on, and what would you expect after a 9,000 mile swim?

Just then, Bounty Hunter Dog's posse showed up, and they gently lifted the swimmers from the beach, wrapped them in towels, and carried them to the nearest cabana to wash them off. As they disappeared inside, Chatty turned to Dog and said..."

....that it is time to go to the private Luau that DiamondCindy had arranged for
the Boomers! Set in Paradise Cove, under a perfect moonlit sky, with gentle
breezes that soothed. Everyone had leis of carnation, plumeria, pikake and
Micronesian ginger; orchid leis too. Greeted by a tall, handsome man of mixed
local heritage by the name of Kekoa.
and the Boomer ladies...........

all gathered around this handsome man of mixed local heritage by the name of Kekoa and just stared. They stared, and stared, and some even started salivating....foaming at the mouth. Kekoa became scared and decided to run for his life and he took off down the beach with a stream of estrogen-starved women in his trail....all but one. As the women all took off after Kekoa, JJ looked back and said, "Hey, who IS that boomer back there and why didn't she run after Kekoa like the rest of us?"

Everyone stopped...including Kekoa. They all turned around and would you believe that standing there in a Venus-type stance in Paradise Cove was non other than ....

Sam Elliott in drag....It seems Chatty had dressed him as a woman to smuggle him into her room in case Dog couldn't break away from his jealous ball and chain wife, Beth. Figures JJ would notice that this "woman" had more than a little facial hair and he kept pulling down his mo-mo trying to hide those strong, sexy hairy legs. Well what happened next was horrible, JJ decided to teach lusty Chat a lesson and called all the women together (except for Sam, JJ sent him to 'HER' room to be punished later, humm!) Suddenly out of nowhere, on a sand scooter, Dotsie arrived from her surfing lesson. She began to giggle when told of the events and said oh.....

..oh, c'mon you guys," said Dotsie, "We're all here for FUN, right? JJ, let Chatty have Sam back. You can have Elvis when he comes. He should be here any minute. He just got delayed because he couldn't find any oreos at the local market. Hurry now, wiki-wiki!!"

But JJ couldn't move. She was stunned! Elvis IS alive??? She had believed it for so long, but now would she finally get to see him? To hold him? To touch him? To....

bury him in the sugar white sand and run her fingers through his hair and feed him oreos, one by one. Of course, she'd lick all the white stuff out first. Come on, it was oreos after all!

All the other boomer ladies temporarily forgot about Diamond's luau and circled around the buried Elvis and doting JJ. They joined hands and

started to sing a Beatles song. After all, it was the Beatles that upstaged Elvis in the last life. And thus the boomer conflict rises: would the boomer chicks be loyal to Elvis the King, or would the chicks go embrace the Fab Four ? Princess Lenora, her tiera askew from the recent travels via helicopter over the Rockies, stepped from the Hawaiian surf to see that her thong bikini was askew too. No matter, this caused her long lost love Sir Paul to rise from the sand to greet PL as she spread her blanket for two on the sand. So, one boomer sister made her choice to hum with Paul McCartney: "All You Need is Love." At the cabana, the other boomer chicks were dancing as Elvis sang "Suspicion" while swaying in his glittered and sequined jumpsuit, covered with sand. Lola, the yankee was trying to negotiate a truce between the Elvis of the USA and the mop heads of the UK. She negotiated using the same tactics as when strategizing with her 3 grand kids. Meanwhile, PL aka Lynnie was torn between singing "She Loves You, yeah yeah yea" with Sir Paul and dancing with the Elvis groupies. Open to suggestions, one of the boomer chicks told PL aka Lynnie...

Oh, you ladies are so funny! Someone parlay this into
an actual book please LOL LOL!
(well some of it, hehehe)

cindy

ELVISSSSSSSSSS
is aliveeeeeeee
i knew it too
infact popea dreamt he sang to me and ruffled my hair last night seeeeeeeeeeeee it was a sign ohhhhh joyyyyyyyyyyyy

dancing the night away, once ya kick of the stileto's it's way to hard in the sand...but fights fort her childhood love nooooo he should have some of the white oreo stuff too well just one or two

a mars bar anyone lol

celtic_flame

ELVISSSSSSSSSSSS sobs meeeeeeeee
oh elvissssss

celtic_sobbing_flame opps, gone out ok just celtic

My goodness, me thinks that celtic went a wee bit over the edge after seeing Elvis sway in his jumpsuit. Does this mean that the wedding is off? A boomer sister ran to rescue Celtic as she fell into Elvis' arms in a faint. And that boomer sister said to Celtic (after advising Princess Lenora) GIRLFRIEND, get a grip! This is only a life size inflatable balloon of Elvis. Another Boomer Sister said,

"A balloon? A BALLOON??!!! My God, don't tell JJ!!!"

Just then, JJ walked up, a little tipsy from the great wine Diamond had provided at the feast, and said...

Since JJ was so tipsy from the vino, she did not notice the faux Elvis. Instead, she went right on up to that big hulking hunk and gave him a hug. Problem was, her super duper bling bling on her right hand had an extra sharp diamond point, and it punctured the balloon. JJ, in her tipsy state, thought that the hiss of the deflating balloon was the sigh of Elvis as he....

Not to interrupt this chilling rendition of "Boomer Babes Basking In Beautiful Hawaii." But a real TRUE story of two Boomers has taken place FOR REAL just this afternoon. So after adding to the story here, head on up to the Current Events thread and read BOOMER IN A LIMO, a true tale of suspense, good food, gambling and real life!!!

deflated around her. JJ thought she had killed Elvis for good and fainted dead away. All the boomers gathered around, patted her face and splashed water on her cheeks. JJ woke and said

get off him celtic he may be a shodow of his former self but he's still mine deflated ego or not, still tipsy JJ rugby tackles celtic so she misses the floppy elvis, a more sober celtic relises he was just a big ballon, harbroken, overwhelmed, crushes she sinkes to her knews and sobs, for just a few minuets the dream was tangible, he was alive......
oh what a crule turning and twisting of fait life is, and too think she once lived ten miles from prestwick airport, the only place in the uk (scotland) that elvis visited for s few hours while going home when in the army, ......and now for just a few hartbeats she belived him to be alive,

oh well life a bummer as she eats another oreo and still can't be bother to go listen to the floppy haired paul......but a nasty surprise waited for the princess as she realised Sir Paul Mccartney was in fact......

(hay breack my hart lynne, now your bubble gonna burst)

sob celtic_flame

Thank you Lynne for keeping that Celtic scally in order....


Popea

for many years, and unknown to her, pined for the Princess and Paul needed to hear that bell ringing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy3WqQxrpVY

and again, still long to hear the bell ringing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJaap5XwiPA

Soupy Sales....Yes, Paul Mc wan't Paul Mc at all! Cleverly disguised, Soupy just wanted PL for himself and had waited all these years to find her, have her, and become her man...so dressed as PL heart-throb, Paul Mc, Soupy begins to whisper in her ear, to stroke her hair, to call out her name while singing, "He Loves You, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah" but suddenly, out of the Cabana, a scream reached everyone's ears (even the now deflated Elvis)and a shout could be heard all across of the islands as the none other than you know who jumped out of the cabana and hollered "Hey Jude!" Every one was aghast as they turned and saw

John.....the clockroom attendent that had misplaced jude mawiggins coat, jude sorted with her own jacket the party commenced but still wasent the same as elvis was busted in the building.....(i just cant't take it or pull myself together my gawd whats up with me)

celtic-flame......it gives me feveeer

the princess was falling for the mc cartney act but thought it strange that heather mills walked past and didn't mind what soon to be ex hubbie was up too........the princess soon became suspisouse becouse of the californion accent that sliped throw the fake liverpudlian accent, that the beatles created couse no one in england talked like that before them boys went international, princess snowbound and resced leonora turn to floppy mop and said hay.......

_______________________

celtic-flame

did all the women go? One minute there was wall to wall boomer chicks,then that darn Elvis balloon deflated, the chick on the sand scooter drove towards the hotel and all them other broads followed her. What are we guys to them, chopped liver(pool) get it, LOL?? Oh Chatty so sad!!

In the meantime gathered around the buffet table was Eagle, Donna, Hannelore, with the bubbly flowing like water the music began to play the Boomer National Anthem in swing time. What is the name of that song JJ asked between munching meatballs??? Sherri jumped up and shouted to Dianne, tell her the name of that song and sing us a few bars, will ya? Dianne stood up pulling Louisa up with her, put her hand over her heart and they began to sing......

"I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor, who had just finished a dance on the buffet table. "Go, out the door, I don't need you anymore. As long as I know I am alive, I will survive!" Meanwhile, Princess Lenora aka Lynnie was not fooled for one minute by the sloppy soupy sales. You see, she had been one of the kids that sent soupy a dollar in the sixties, just like he had asked on the TV show. Man, did Soupy ever get busted for that. I bet the expat yankee Lola knows what was amiss with soupy, but those Celtic & Popea chicks don't know how he manipulated little children into stealing money from their Mom's purses to send to him at the TV Station. So, soupy got sloppy. And Heather Mills, if only Sir Paul had waited for one more year, one more minute, one more second, he would have seen the Princess Lenora pining for him, and not gotten into that sticky mess with Heather. SP would have see the LIGHT in PL! And PL embraced Lola in a girlfriend hug for sending the UTube shows of the younger Paul and the mature Paul. Man, that guy still has a head of hair. Back at the buffet table, as the boomer chicks ate coconut covered pineapple bon bons, the lively discussion turned to...

the soupy soapy guy....quote "You see, she had been one of the kids that sent soupy a dollar in the sixties, just like he had asked on the TV show. Man, did Soupy ever get busted for that. I bet the expat yankee Lola knows what was amiss with soupy, but those Celtic & Popea chicks don't know how he manipulated little children into stealing money from their Mom's purses to send to him at the TV Station. So, soupy got sloppy" (the esteemed princesses quote)......the cad and your right c&p havent a clue who this dude was buttttttt time for revenge....and a mass of bomer woman started pelting him with marsmallows and cocunut covered bob bons....demanding their dollers back but throwing 2 dimes at him (is that even a coin lol)....it' quickly desended into a laural and hardy scean, but as always the woman remained dignifyed, with perfect hair and make up....

they pulled his tee shirt over his head and thought pinata time.....while the more gentler women hid their eyes....he promised to make amends for his actions and donate....

c_flame

Oh yes, many boomer chicks had to hide their eyes from Sloppy Soupy Sales because by now he had gone flabby. But he decided to donate his super dooper personal jet to take the chicks to their next destination. Sloppy soupy Sales was introducing the chicks to the pilot and co pilot as PL and Sir Paul slipped onto the jet and into the love seat. PL & SP did not care who was flying the plane. But the other chicks were being introduced to the pilot who was....

sipping on some homemade Wildcat and couldn't see how to drive the plane...Hannelore overheard the pilot say, "I'm flying this thing? Uh oh..."

So, Lola jumps up along with Kathy, Celtic, and Chatty woman, and they overtake the now drunken pilot, and draw straws to see who will land the plane....

Meanwhile, back in 1st Class, Dotsie can be heard as she looks out the window at the now spiraling, nose-diving plane, "La Plane! La Plane!"

All of a sudden, the Divine Ms M (Meredith) jumps up, rips open her Hawaiian shirt to reveal a BIG M on her T-shirt and shouts to the rest of the travlers ....

(uh-oh, I better come up with something here!)

HANG ON TO MY BEADS!!

Seems while everyone else was ogling plastic Elvis, being bamboozled by Soupy, and trying to pilot a plane which they had no business piloting, Meredith was busy making a gigantic beaded ladder out of every single bead she owned, which made for a mighty big ladder. Miles of beaded ladder, with crystals, unique pendants, and stunning gemstones. She hooked the ladder onto a nearby cloud and threw it down to earth, where it landed on...

the lawn of the huge estate that sat on its own private island owned by none other than Rupert Murdock the billionaire. His many servants piled out of the estate followed closely by Rupert to make sure all the passengers were okay.

Rupert was hosting a private party and out walked, Cher, Donald and Mrs.Trump, Celion Dion and her husband, Steve Wynn, hotel tycoon from Vegas, Mya Angelou, George Clooney and a host of other famous people........

Just then the silence was shattered as Popea and Louisa both screamed with glee at the site of Oprah exiting the estate, all smiles, waving at us all...

We all went into the great dining hall after freshning up and by the time it came for us to leave Oprah had ordered jewelry from Meredith for her entire staff, menopause underware from Kathy, and some of Widdlewomans sticks, and she'd made Dotsie promise to join her on her show and to bring as many of her faithful Boomers as possible to fill the audience....

We boarded Ruperts private jet to fly to fly us all home and someone noticed that Hannelore, Dianne, and MustangGal were missing, Dotsie asked if we had seen them at the estate and no one could recall, then suddenly Dee jumps up and shouts that she remembered she had seen them and Anne in the marble bathroom upstairs looking for a place to......

talk of what they had unravelled at Rupert Murdoch's mansion. "We were not fooled" they all chimed in. The was in fact

What should we do?" "Shall we tell the others?" suggested Hannelore.

"Yep. Maybe someone can bring in a pie as well...you know...just for old time's sake", the rest concurred.

As this plotting was going on, Dotsie walked in on them, JJ and Chatty in tow....all three with arms akimbo asked...

Hanelore picked a couple of sparkling beads out of her hair, which had managed to get caught, while she climbed out of the airplane, down Meredith's stunning sparkling beaded ladder.

"Shall we tell the others?" Hannelore repeated..
"Tell what?" Dotsie, JJ and Chatty asked in unison.

(heh heh, I wormed my way out of this one)

That the Murdoch butler is really Soupy Sales! That Soupy Sales worms his way into every gala event. Is that really the butler? He seems to be carrying a big long candle stick. Is he on his way to do someone in? The boomer chicks jumped the butler, dismantled his stick, and used it to expose the sloppy soupy sales. Then, for old times sake, they borrowed the latest chocolate cream pie from the maids in the kitchen, and whammo, sloppy soupy got a pie in his face, just because he was such a phony baloney. Meanwhile, Princess Lenora wanted it all: kisses with Sir Paul on the plane during the signing of the contract for the Oprah book club. Just as PL finalized the plans with O, and the wedding plans with SP, she saw her boomer sisters holding hands in a big huge circle around Dotsie, the pied piper. "Dotsie," they asked their fearless boomer leader, "What's in store for us now?" And Dotsie, or Dotsie's proxy, said, ...

Amazing things are in store for all of us in 2007. There will be more visits, conventions, and exciting benefits for the NABBW! So let's continue with the party so we can get home to our work soon. Meantime, pass the champagne! And now the the Boomer 2007 toast...

you looked in your crystal ball eh dotsie

do you have mysteck meg in the state's...i swear i heard you say that in her voice lol.....also we sense a big yawn hehehe....

celtic_flame

can i have butter and jam on my toast plz

celtic_flame

We all lifted our glasses, swaying a bit to and fro, and NOT from the Hawaiin breeze.....

"Toast to our wisdom, age and weight.
Toast to caring and sharing fates
Toast to Dotsie,and all Boomer mates.
We drink to many more future dates!"

Suddenly Celtic_Flame chanted in her Irish brogue:

"May we all live to be a hundred years,
With one extra year to repent!"

Then Kathy, the designated driver, piled all the boomer women into her magical limo, buckled them up, tucked them all in, and let them nod off to sleep while she drove/flew all over the world.

As she reached each boomer's home, Kathy used Princess Lynnie's magic wand to lift each boomer gently out of the limo and tuck them into their very own bed. As appropriate, Kathy also used the wand to tuck someone else into bed with them, so they'd have a lovely surprise when they all woke up. Then they would know that it wasn't all a dream!

...and they all lived happily ever after....

The End