Well, it wasn't what we wanted or expected to hear. We were so hyped up for positive results that the report from the doctor today has really been hard to digest.

While all the results from Monday's CAT scan still weren't in, what was there wasn't so good. Some of the tumours have shrunk, but not enough for having had 9 chemo treatments. And one, near the liver, has grown (which would explain his increasing appetite/eating difficulties).

So, the doctor wants to continue with one more chemo treatment on the 28th, then is probably going to do a more dangerous/radical treatment in January called "Autologous Transplant". I haven't had time to research it yet, so can't tell you much, except that it's intense, dangerous and very, very frightening.

I'm stunned. As is my brother. We were so sure that we were making huge progress...but I've entrusted him to God's care, so I have to keep faith that all is still in His capable Hands...and ask that when you have a moment now and then to keep both my brother and me in your prayers over this holiday season...we're a bit heavy-hearted right now.

Oh, Eagle, I'm sorry the news is so disappointing. I've never heard of that treatment. You know you are both in all our prayers here.

Louisa

Eagle, I am so sorry too. Count on prayers from me as well.

Eagle, I am so sorry to hear this. We will pray. Love and Light, Lynn

Eagle, I will keep your brother and family
in my prayers. Big Hugs! Cindy

Eagle, I'm very sad to hear this. Everyone here has been hoping for the best. We still do, and will continue to hold you and your brother in our prayers.

Dear Eagle,

If there is a season for miracles...this is it! So I will pray and hope and think of your brother...

Please stay strong!

Hugs...

Eagle, I am sorry the news was not what was expected. Kimr is right - this is the season for miracles and I have seen several myself over the past two weeks. Prayers offered for your and your brother.

Eagle,

I'm thinking about you and your famiy and praying. God is ON the throne, and he loves you and your brother deeply!

danita

Oh honey, I'm so sorry for your brother and your family. How lucky he is to have you for a sister. You know all of us boomers will be lifting him up in prayer. Love you.

Eagle Heart, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and my thoughts and prayers will be with him and your family through this tough time. From my understanding this procedure Autologous Transplant is where they harvest good blood cells either from the bone marrow or the blood stream from your brother and they give him high doses of chemotheraphy to kill the cancer cells which in part will radically decrease his immune system then they will transplant the good cells. I have a friend who's son just had a similiar transplant approximately 6 weeks ago, except instead of using his own blood or marrow as in your brothers case they used his sisters cells to do the transplant and he is doing wonderful. Eagle Heart I have faith that God will see your brother through this just as he had my friends son. Again I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Rosie

Eagle,

My prayers are with all of you during this time.

Eagle, we're with you girl. Take a minute now and allow yourself to feel all the hugs and prayers coming from your BWS friends.

Eagle, I am sooo sorry to hear this, but hope springs eternal... I know your faith is strong and you won't give up. God is in control and He knows what's best for everyone's soul.
Every day, I pray a prayer called the Divine Mercy chaplet. (If you're interested, PM me and I'll send it to you). It is especially beneficial for the sick. Anyway, here is the last prayer in it:
Eternal God, in whom mercy is ENDLESS, and the treasury of compassion, INEXHAUSTIBLE; look kindly upon us and increase your mercy IN us, that in difficult moments, we might not despair, nor become despondent, but with great confidence, submit ourselves to YOUR Holy Will, which IS love and mercy, itself.
The emphasis is mine, it's just the way I like to pray it, focusing on those key elements.
His Holy Will IS love and mercy itself...
(((HUGS))) for you and your brother.

Thank you everyone for your kind support. I admit that my heart has been very heavy today and my eyes a bit leaky. I'm scared. But refusing to give into discouragement - I do trust that God is with me/us and IS answering my heartfelt prayer that He bless us according to His will for us, whatever that ends up being.

Thank you Jackie for sharing that prayer. The words I keep hearing are to "keep faith". I have had enough experience of God's mercy and compassion to know that He has not, nor ever will, abandon us...if it's His will to bring my brother through this alive and well to the other side, then nothing will stop that from happening. And if it's not His will, well...let's not go there yet...suffice to say that I trust.

Rosie, your sharing about your friend's son is more hope-inspiring than you can know. It has helped me tremendously this morning. Thanks.

Eagle, my brother is visiting us this Christmas. He means the world to me. I know your brother means that to you too. What you have been doing for him through his illness is the epitome of sisterly love. I hope and pray there will be a change for the better.
Hannelore

Eagle, My thoughts and prayers are with you today. I wish I could drop by and give you a big hug. Tonight I will light a candle for hope and say the rosary for your brother.

Keeping the faith with you.

Luv,
chick

I so deeply believe in the goodness gathered here in this forum and a closeness to God we are all so fortunate to share that the prayers of us all put together will reach God loud and clear bringing his full attention to your brother, and unless God has need of him up in heaven, he will heal him. My own love is strong for you and your brother, you are both so brave...Can I send him cards or maybe a letter? Does he have an email addrerss? You can PM or email me with them if its okay, if not just tell him please that he is in so many of our prayers...

That's a good idea, Chatty. We could all cheer up Gary and let him know we are all thinking and praying for him. Maybe we can PM our cards and wishes through Eagle which she could then print out.

Eagle, my prayers continue to be full of hope, trust and for strength.

Chatty and Lola, I would LOVE my brother to get some cards/notes in the mail. He lives alone and except for a few Christmas cards (three of them from me) he doesn't get much personal mail.

The only thing I would ask anyone who wants to send him a card is to not "evangelize" him. We have an aunt who does that, and it's just not going over well. My brother has a very quiet faith that he's still exploring, and can be easily overwhelmed and turned off by what we call "scriptural head-hammering". He definitely is profoundly grateful for all of your prayers and takes comfort and hope from the prayerful support from so many people he's never even met! He's awed by that...as am I.

I have to ask him before giving out his address. But if anyone wanted to send him a card/note through me in the meantime, I would make sure he gets it. You can either send it snail mail, email or PM and I'll pass everything along to him.

Thanks so much for your thoughtfulness, Chatty! I don't know how I could manage to be "brave" without you and my sisters here to lean against.

Hi Eagle,
I just came across this post. I'm sorry to hear the disappointing news but am joining our sisters in prayer for good results from the radical treatment.
Everyday there are new discoveries being made. Maybe this new treatment is just what he needs!
Please tell him he is in my heart this holiday season.
I understand what you are saying about your brother's spiritual feelings. My Dad was the same way. He wanted cards and letters from everyone but he wanted them to tell him about what they were doing in their lives, not just cards saying how sorry they were. I guess he didn't want to dwell on his own sickness, which is understandable.

Eagle
I join with others in praying and hoping that God will give all of you the strength you need to get through the next step of this journey. May His peace be yours....

Eagle,
I'm praying for a miracle for your brother and that the doctors be blessed with the wisdom of the Great Physician. He may have a long hard road ahead and I'm sure you are both exhausted, but love will empower you.

Along with Evie and others I will be praying for both of you in this season of peace and miracles. Surround yourself with love and allow peace to fill you.

smile

Eagle, I lit a candle and said the rosary for your brother last night as promised. Tell him he has two people in Oklahoma who hold him tightly in prayer.

luv,
chick

Eagle my friend....you, your brother and your family are on my "special" prayer list. This is a particularly difficult time of the year to be dealing with this I know but faith will help all of you through it. Big Hugs.....

I am so sorry Eagle, please forgive me the PM I sent you. I hadn't seen this post yet. I would like to send him a card as well.

I really pray he is going to be healed. I pray for you to have the strength and endurance. I hope you are taking some breaks too my dear friend.

I love you alot!

Cathi

Eagle,
As you know I've been away from the boards and am just now reading this post. Your brother is being surrounded by love and prayers of the most giving and caring kind; that of the women on this forum.

We will lift up our voices in prayer and they will become one, and mighty!

We're holding you all very close to our hearts during this difficult time. God bless, JJ

Eagle, please send me your mailing address so I have it right in front of me. I'll gladly send him a card with a note and leave it unsealed. That way you can read it before you give it to him. Thank you for letting us be involved in caring for all of you.

Also, it is human to be upset by such news. Some people think prayers don't help. I'm not one of them. Who knows what the news might have been had we not been praying...

Eagle Heart, how did your brother do over Christmas? Hope he had a wonderful warm Christmas in the love of his family.
My best wishes and prayer goes to him and you, for the strength you will continue to need.

I thank you all so much with all my heart for caring as you do! What joy you bring to my life.

Cathi, I loved your PM and will not forgive you for sending it. You warmed my heart with your thoughtfulness.

JJ, I'm glad you're feeling better - I've missed your voice terribly!

Dotsie, "Who knows what the news might have been had we not been praying..." I've thought of that many, many times over the past few weeks - how much of a difference your prayers and care have made, not only in my brother's continuing ability to fight this beast, but in MY ability to stay serene and still enough for him to lean against as he does battle.

Hannelore, he drove himself over (and back home) on the 24th, 25th and today. Even just that is both good and bad - good in that it's good that he's getting himself out and about; bad in that it takes a visible toll on his energy. He's very weak and noticeably pale today. It's frightening. And watching him on Christmas Day broke my heart, and continues to bring tears to my eyes if I pay too close attention to just how weak he is becoming right before our eyes.

I do need strength. And courage. And hope. I'm finding it here, through your prayers and support, and adamantly clinging to God's avowal that He loves us beyond our imagination. Deep breaths. Now I can go back upstairs and sit with him without leaking...

My brother gave me permission to publish his address - but please be gentle with him. He's profoundly grateful to everyone for the prayers and care, and wants you to know that he's thankful. But I'm going to stick my nose in and ask for no "heavy proselytizing". He's just not up for that.

Gary Matthies
1330 Richmond Rd, Apt 714
Ottawa, ON, Canada
K2B 8J6

Thanks again everyone for caring!

I just read this post Eagle. I'm so sorry things are not coming out as good as expected. One thing is for sure. God is right beside you all and He will remain by your side.

Still praying,

I'm on the run again today (chemo day and still a housefull of houseguests!). But I just wanted to explain my comment about "heavy proselytizing". My brother has received many emails/notes from one or two well-meaning people who keep badgering him to "repent or else". He just doesn't need that sort of thing right now. We believe in a loving God and we are refusing to go in any other direction than hope and abundance of life, so that "or else" thing just isn't in our spiritual vocabulary right now. These notes cause him some distress and angst. So I just share that to help everyone understand where I'm coming from in asking for gentle compassion when writing to my brother. He loves God with a quiet, gentle faith, and there's no doubt that much of his strength and courage come from the hope that your prayers and care have given him.

Hi Eagle,

I am glad you explained this, because instinctively I would say something like God loves you. I get very irritated when I hear of people saying the "or else". God is the only one that knows the heart of a person, which is why judgement is not ours to make.

My mom got really upset a few months ago because this lady my dad works with approached him. She gave him a mini-Bible and asked him if he was ready to meet The Lord. Ironically, it didn't bother my dad, he just replied, "Yes I am ready to meet my Maker". All I can say is, she should be glad I wasn't there. I know these people mean well, but they are going about it the wrong way. They need to go back and read their Bibles and see how Jesus treated people. With loving kindness. He only condemned those that were the really bad guys so to speak. Someone like your brother and my dad are not the bad guys. I just feel I have gotten to know your brother through you, and he is like a brother to me now as well.

Bless you sis, let us know how it went today.

Cheers and Hugs,
Cathi

When my uncle was dying from cancer, he asked my mom (his sister) if this happened to him because he abused his wife. My mom told him yes. What wonderful words to hear as you're getting ready to pass. People astound me.

Eagle, you and your brother are in my thoughts today and I'll do my very best to get a card out to him.

Thanks Cathi. I feel a strong connection to your Dad too.

My brother's chemo was a little iffy today. His blood tests showed problems with the liver (he's been looking sallow and yellowish the past few days), so the on-call doctor was hesitant, but in the end decided to give him the chemo anyway. But we're definitely anxious to see his own doctor on Wednesday!

I didn't stay for the whole 4-hour chemo today; my other brother is staying with us this week and he stayed for the last 3 hours and then drove Gary home while I went to help my granddaughter celebrate her 6th birthday.

Dianne, I don't know why people say those kinds of things. Cancer is cancer, not divine punishment! I think God has better (more life-giving) ways to teach people any lessons He thinks they ought to know! I wouldn't be surprised if He uses the cancer to teach them about His mercy and about other GOOD things, but I can't believe that He GIVES people cancer or anything death-oriented to punish or teach people lessons. What good is learning a lesson if the person doesn't get the chance to live what he/she has learned?

Cancer doesn't differentiate who it hits. My Mom was one of the last people on earth who "deserved" to have cancer, yet she died from it. My brother has never done anything to warrant "punishment by cancer." It is what it is. Why do people feel the need to twist it (and God's love & mercy by doing so) around to become weapons of divine mass destruction!

These miserably strupid people that blame a diseased person for being ill really gall me. Tell them to take a walk through St. Judes Research Hospital for Children sometime ans see those tiny INNOCENT bodies or brains racked with ravaging cancers and then see if they can still make those same ridiculous remarks...Really, talk about insensitive.

Eagle Heart, I continue to pray for you and your brother and I'm sorry things didn't go well today. People are very narrow minded when they think God punishes us with disease and tragedy. Chatty is right they need to walk through the children's hospital and I guarantee they'll be singing a different tune. Stay strong and take each day one at a time.

Well meaning people would say to my Dad, "You're a good man. You don't deserve this." He would say to me, "Obviously, I do deserve this, because I have it."
It broke my heart.

And I agree with Chatty, in fact, I requested donations to St. Judes in lieu of flowers.

I once thought this was the old generation's way of thinking, but I've learned that even young people have been taught to think this way. My God is a God of love, not punishment.

Eagle, what with Gary being so sick (sallow) how did the chemo go? Sometimes I think the so-called "cure" takes a lot of strength to endure. Love and Light, Lynn

Thanks for asking, Lynnie. The chemo itself on Thursday went okay, but he's been more tired and lethargic than usual these past few days. My heart just aches for him. We've been over there every day to help put meals together for him. Tonight he insisted that we make up 2 plates so that we wouldn't have to go back until Wednesday. It's so hard to do that, because I know he won't eat or fare as well when we're not there. Every little thing takes so much energy out of him, even taking dishes out of the dishwasher. So we were trying to stay long enough for the wash to finish so we could take them out, but the threat of imminent freezing rain compelled us to leave earlier. It's those little things that take a lot out of him.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. We're looking forward to his doctor's appointment on Wednesday. That's when we'll find out more about this Autologous Stem-Cell Transplant procedure. I suspect the doctor will want to do it ASAP, while my brother's blood is still good enough to use!

Eagle,
Thanks for taking the time to update us. Please know we are with you all on Wednesday. You are such an angel on earth. Everyone should be so blessed to have a sister like you.

Eagle, please know you all be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. Make a list of questions for the doctor about the procedure. Do you do that?

Hi Eagle. I've been off the site for a couple of weeks, and am so sorry to read about your brother's condition; and I know how hard it is for you, too. Just know that I, too, and thinking about both of you, you are in my prayers, and I feel there must be a break-through soon in this horrible disease, and I hope your brother is the firt to experience it. My Dad died from a liver ailment, and the things you describe now sound similar; I hope the chemo significantly reduced the size of the tumor near his liver.
With love and warm thoughts,
Dreamer

Eagle,
My prayers are with you today!

Thank you everyone. I'm both hopeful and scared. One thing we're hoping for is that my brother will be able to do the week-long chemo as an in-patient. For a lot of reasons, this would work best for him and would be easier for myself and hubby. I'm really tired and could use the break from the constant cleaning and cooking, especially since his appetite is non-existent, so cooking for him has become a nightmarish challenge. I figure a week of hospital food might make me look like a gourmet chef...LOL. Poor guy, I know why he can't eat, but like I keep telling him, my job is to keep the rest of his body healthy so that he has a body to come back to when the cancer is gone. He eats what I serve him, but it's obviously a struggle - most chemo patients don't eat as well as he does - I'm admittedly playing on his inherited stubbornness, you know, that old mind-over-matter thing where you decide to eat even when that's the last thing you feel like doing.

Anyway, we're nervous. But hopeful...we know the doctor wants to start right away, like tomorrow. Now all we have to do is convince him to admit my brother instead of make him (us) do it on an out-patient basis, which will be very tiring and difficult on all of us.

Thank you for your continuing prayer...you do realize that through all of this prayer and care, we're all keeping him alive - and how can I ever thank you for that!!!

Just by keeping us posted Eagle!

My heart and good thoughts will be with you all day today, Eagle. Hope to hear good news when I log on later today.

Eagle, I've not been around much but I continue to have you in prayer.

chick

Quick update, because I'm very tired. Instead of going directly to the Autologous Stem-Cell Transplant procedure, they're changing my brother to two 2-day DHap Chemo blasts, with the first one scheduled for next Thursday and Friday. They're all day chemo treatments, with part one on Thursday morning, part two Thursday evening, then again on Friday morning and Friday evening. They'll do another 2-day treatment in February, take more CAT scans then do the transplant (as an in-patient).

I suppose this must sound like a medical litany, and I hope nobody minds me sharing all this here...I do feel the need to have a safe place to share, but I also know that there's the possibility that others who struggle with cancer, or are companioning someone through, will read these posts and find as much comfort and courage for their own journey as I find here for mine.

Oh Eagle Heart, we don't mind at all! Thank you for keeping us updated. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who feels like so many of us are just like family, and we want to be there for you!

We'll be thinking about you and your brother - hang in there. He is so lucky to have you.

Kathy

This all sounds so hopeful Eagle.
We're here for you!

Thanks for the update...I know he's going to respond favorably, not only to the treatments but to all the love that's being sent to him and that he's getting from you.

I am so grateful they have procedures that they beleive will help him. That's refreshing. I have a feeling he will be dog tired after next week. I guess your job will be to see that he gets the food and rest he will need. Keep up the great work. You're an awesome caregiver.

Thank you for sharing the update. Everything sounds very hopeful. Isn't it great to have one more family, here, to share your good and bad times and know there is love enough to keep you going each day?

Let me echo Kathy. "We don't mind at all." We want to know how he's doing and how you are doing as well. Keep us posted. I'll be away for a few days, but I will check when I get back on Sunday.

Thanks again. Your words bring such encouragement and support. I don't know what's happening, whether it's the post-Christmas slump or maybe fighting off a cold (three of my houseguests came with bad colds last week!), but I'm so tired, heavy with fatigue. It's not the type of exhaustion that sleep cures, it's that bone-deep fatigue that leaves me feeling paradoxically drained of energy yet restless at the same time. Maybe it's anxiety, helplessness, fear...I admit to being scared. But scared to give into the fear. Yet being brave seems to be taking more energy than I've got...until I come here, and find you holding my courage in your hands, hearts and prayers. I don't think I could be making it through this hard road without you. I think that you are God's answers to my prayer for help and stamina, for it's here that I'm finding the help and stamina I need to "stay the course" day by day.

I don't have the energy to come and participate much these days, but know that I am reading posts and carrying my sisters in prayer each and every day.

Perhaps this is a necessary "downtime" in which to recharge my batteries, since I will have to move in with my brother full-time for awhile starting next week. Whatever it is, it's more blessing than you can imagine to know I'm not alone.

Hi Eagle, I think of you and Gary a lot and "think good health" for him. I sent a letter and some poems out yesterday.

Eagle,
You and Gary are still in my prayers. You must be such a blessing for him. God will bless you for all the love you show to everyone around you.
Remember you are in our hearts and prayers.
smile

Eagle, I hate to sound like a mother, but are you getting any exercise these days? Irecall being in a slump while caring for Mom and my husband reminded me that I was getting no exericse. I was used to walking at least a half hour each day and stopped. I began walking it helped. Also, hanging helps take the stress out of your shoulders, which I had to do more often when Mom was sick. Sending you warm thoughts and love.

Eagle,
Dotsie is absolutely right. You really need to spend some time caring for yourself, be it walking, exercising reading, or whatever. I know it sounds impossible, and I should have listened to myself while caring for my dad but I know from experience how draining all of this is on you. God, will provide the strength you need to care for Gary. You need to supply your own sense of energy to care for yourself.

Dotsie, I don't mind in the least you sounding like a mother - I miss that sound in my life!

I'm not getting out specifically to exercise, but in the course of running errands and doing his and our housework, etc, etc, I've managed to tone up muscles and lose a bit of weight...I try to incorporate stretching & breathing exercises (e.g., Tai Chi) into the day. But I do need to get out and walk more, especially when the sun is shining warm and bright (not today - it's raining today). So I will try to get out walking more.

Thanks TVC for reminding me - I'm profoundly trusting that if this is what I'm supposed to be doing (and there's no doubt that it is), God will provide the strength as needed. I just need to remember to nurture it through exercise, prayer and finding ways to lose myself in fun, non-cancer-related activities, like maybe coming here and participating in other threads?

Eagle, I think about you all the time also. Gary is blessed to have such a caring sister. I assume you'll be taking your computer along when you move in with your brother or does he have one?

chick

Eagle, where are you?

I'm here, Dotsie. It's hard to explain where "here" is. Still recovering from the huge energy drain of Christmas week, and trying to recharge the batteries to meet the needs for the upcoming chemo marathon. Juggling grocery shopping, meal preparations, laundry and housework for two households, as well as hubby's emotional needs and trying not to feel overwhelmed by the feelings of helplessness.

Then there's the whole spiritual struggle - praying that God's will be done, but praying even harder that His will is to let my brother live. Yes, I'm begging. Remember the story of the woman who kept pestering the judge until he finally (in exasperation) gave her what she wanted? Well, that's me. I believe that God can/will heal my brother if He wants to...so I feel honour-bound to keep knocking on His door with all of the reasons why He should want to...I'm probably exasperating to Him, but what can He expect??? I'm not ready to give up and let go without a fight. And if God knows me and loves me as much as I believe He does, He would expect nothing less.

I think the denial and refusal to give up is probably part of the grieving process. I believe my brother will survive this, but I still grieve the hardship and struggle he's going through to get to that other side. It's hard to sit by and watch his body be tortured by these toxic medicines and not be able to bring him comfort and pain relief.

But other than all of that, I'm okay.

Keep fighting the good fight Eagle.
We're all here for you and praying with you.

Eagle, I thought of you the other day while visiting someone in the hospital. I could connect with you and all the hospital sitting you've been doing. I'm hoping you go prepares with cards and books, magazines, etc.

I love hearing you talk about your relationship with God. Have you read any of Joseph Girzone's books? You would eat them up. I just have a feeling... I read Never ALone years ago and am finding tremendous comfort in reading it again this week. You might want to check it out at Amazon.

Dotsie, my hospital-time is when I do a lot of praying - not just that my brother's tests/appointments will go well (and for the doctors to have the wisdom to know how to fix him), but also and especially for my Boomer sisters. I can spend hours sitting in various hospital waiting rooms on any given week, and find it difficult to read. When I'm sitting with my brother, we just sit quietly people-watching and sometimes making small talk. But sometimes I do enjoy the chance to just rest my eyes & spirit and lift everyone I know to the Lord's care.

It looks like the bulk of this week will be spent sitting around in the hospital. Blood tests today, a major Bone Marrow Transplant consultation meeting on Thursday, an all-day chemo marathon on Friday and a "split-shift" chemo blast on Saturday (starting at 7:30am and ending late in the evening!) Then more doctors appointments early next week. So no rest for the weary here!

I've never read Joseph Girzone before - you've mentioned his writings before, but I've never gotten around to ordering one. I'll look into it tonight and maybe order "Never Alone" - as these chemo marathons continue, I'll need a good book to keep me company while my brother naps!

Just wanted you to know that I think of, and pray for, you and your brother more often than you could know. I pray for strength and all positive things!

Same here Eagle. We're all praying for God to not only guide the doctor's hands and thoughts, but to give you strength during this time as well. Gary is in good hands, yours and God's.

Sending positive thoughts and plenty of love, JJ

Klm, JJ, Robin, Dotsie and all my sisters - it's your prayers that sustain me. I can't tell you how many times I've been tempted to cave into fear and utter despair - but EVERY TIME those feelings begin to overwhelm me, YOUR PRAYERS lift me up and put me back on solid ground and wrap me in loving serenity. It's uncanny and powerful...deep inside me, I can feel you all out there sending warm thoughts, caring prayers and loving care my way. I'm absolutely convinced that you are God's tender way of sustaining my spirit throughout this journey. As much as I detest the cancer, I'm still honoured and glad to be able to make this journey through it with my brother - but I know it would not be possible without the amazing support and care of my Boomer sisters to lean against when the going gets particularly rough.

Thank you! My brother's survival will be a community effort! He thanks you too - he feels the difference too!

I'm so glad that both of you can feel the love and prayers that are coming your way. Sharon, you've have always been such a blessing to me and all of the women here and it's time for us to give back to you. I really love you!

That's what friends are for, Eagle...and we ARE sisters too, just as you said. We all hang together in the tough times as well as the happy ones. United, we stand!

I want so much to give you a hug, Eagle. But I know God will do that for me.

Sharon, I am thinking of you and your brother. You wrote: "As much as I detest the cancer, I'm still honoured and glad to be able to make this journey through it with my brother." I suspect that you can't doubt that this is part of your purpose for being on earth together at this moment in time. If we do indeed have a pre-determined reason for being, and a pre-determined reason to be with certain people, you being on this journey with your brother, and he with you, has GOT to be a part of that process of pre-determination. It is an honor to be chosen to be the one who is seeing another through a difficult time. Love & Light to you and your brother and everyone concerned, Lynn

Eagle, you have such grace and empathy, your brother could be in no better hands than yours. God Bless you both.

Eagle,
You must be such as much a shining light of love to your brother as you are to us. Love is so powerful and it is the source of miracles. God is love so love is what hung the stars in space and created life on earth. There is no energy as great and I am praying it will empower you at this time.

Though I haven't been here a lot, you and those involved have been in my prayers.

smile

Well, we just finished what felt like a never-ending marathon in the hospital. Blood tests on Tuesday, consultation with the Bone Marrow Transplant team on Thursday (lots of information overload there!), an 11-hour chemo session yesterday, four more hours of chemo at 7:30 this morning and another 3 hours tonight. My brother was the only patient on that section of the floor, so I was so glad I was there. It was cold and lonely, but we started playing with the bed controls and ended up laughing til it hurt (literally). That last hour seemed to last for 12, but it's over now, he's in his own bed now, and nowhere else to go until Friday. Yippee!

I want to thank all you ladies who have been sending Gary cards!!! He's so touched by your thoughtfulness. Meredith, we were both touched by your poems, and could really identify with so much of what you wrote. And I love your "connection spirituality" - I firmly believe that too.

Dotsie, I'm reading "Never Alone" - it's amazing - for awhile there, it was as if I was reading something I could have written in my journals way-back-when, even the parts about being in the seminary and having to filter everything through his own spiritual experience of Jesus. I took two years of theology at a Catholic seminary, so was able to relate. We had much the same experience growing up, especially in terms of that early childhood spirituality. I'm really enjoying his writing and his journey thus far. Thanks for suggesting his books - I also ordered "Joshua", but felt a rather pushy nudge from Somewhere to read "Never Alone" first - now I understand why!

Hopefully I'll get to spend a little more time here this week. I'm at my brother's til Wednesday or Thursday, then will go back to coming over every other day. So as long as his computer continues to behave, I'll be able to get online more often now.

Smile, thanks for your prayers and thoughts. I consider myself very blessed and empowered by my brother's presence too, so it's a two-way blessing. And there are no words to describe how extraordinarily blessed I feel with all the prayer and care support within this Boomer circle - you are awesome, and let me tell you that there IS power, incredible power, in the prayers of this circle of women!

Oh Eagle, it's so great to hear from you. I thought of you while I visited a loved one in ER last weekend. I'm usre the hours are long. I'm glad you can joke around and enjoy good books.

I just finished reading Never Alone again. Ross is reading it for the first time. I have given it to several loved ones through the years never knowing if they took the time to read it. I'm not sure they did. Anyway, I ordered a couple more a couple weeks ago to share with a friend whose daughter is in hospice care and another friend whose son needs to go in for rehab. I wanted to quickly read it again before giving it to them and I'm so glad I did. I feel so blessed, loved, and valued while reading that. Don't you? He is my favorite author. I think I've read all but one of the Joshua series. I also met him when he was in town several years ago. HUMBLE! He was delightful, just as I thought he would be.

Smile said...There is no energy as great and I am praying it will empower you at this time."

And might I add that I am praying the same energy will empower and heal your brother!

Thanks for checking in.

good to see you back for a little while eagle. Bet your bro glad of the brak too

celtic_flame

Eagle, I'm glad I could help in whatever way possible. We are all part of a great Fabric of love, and everyone here has been adding a thread here and a stitch there to help you and Gary get through this. Be strong and healthy, both of you.

Nice to hear you're getting a little break Eagle.
I've read some of Meredith's poems, they are awesome. (As is her post about the fabric of love.) It's so nice that she sent some to you and Gary.
I know exactly what you meant when you said your time together is a blessing. It truly is and if there is anything that can be considered even remotely good about cancer, it is that it makes you appreciate time spent together.