I have no grandchildren so what do I know. But I would like to suggest that you use "I" statements when speaking with him. I'm sure you've heard of that when it comes to communicating. If not, let me know and I'll explain.

Please explain Dotsie. I haven't heard of "I" statements. Really appreciate it, thank you.

I believe that means when you're talking, you might say things like "I'm uncomfortable with the baby standing up in the high chair" instead of saying "You need to make that baby sit down at all times"

It helps because then you are saying "I" instead of "You" so it's easier to discuss because they might not be so defensive.

Remember my comment not to make accusitory ststements. Thats what I meant. So I, or We, works rather than You.

But lets not forget here that this CHILD is in danger and must be protected and if he gets his panties (shorts) in a knot but stops his immature behavior, so be it. Mission accomplished.

I may be from a "different school of thought" here but if I were in your situation, I would continue to be the loving grandma that you obviously appear to be. You don't have to keep beating your son over the head about what he's not doing---your grandchild will instinctively know where her genuine love and care is coming from and will react accordingly.

As you are doing the "neccessary" things, you can gently remind him of the importance of doing it and let him know how much his daughter will appreciate the "all-around dad" The dad that can be playful like a lion---but as gentle as a cub.

What parents don't realize is infants are alot smarter than they're given credit for and eventually your grandaughter will understand where the nurturing is coming from---and you know what, your son may end up resenting you for giving her what he didn't.

That's just my two cents.


Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
Purchase your copy of “Hope for the Holidays” at http://www.talk2bev.com/holiday.htm

“I’m not a writer because I wrote a book. I wrote a book because I was inspired by God.”

This is so wonderful...I can recommend every lady here to vent...it really takes the wind out of you and you get help, you really do. Thank you all so very much. I'm going to go about this tactfully...and using the "I" method will definitely help.

Bev, maybe you have something here. Maybe it's a jealousy thing, and he just wants to show his "power". I don't know, but as Chatty said, the safety of the baby comes first. Now he caught her bad cold, so we'll wait till he feels better and then Hubby will have a talk with him man to man.

Hannelore, Cathy hit the nail on the head. I once taught parenting classes and taught that using "I" statements is a much better way of communicating. When you say "I" you take responsibility for how you feel about the situation, and aren't placing blame.

By using "I" statements, you actually are still confronting, but you aren't criticizing them. Make sense?

You end up with your hart on your sleave when it comes to any kids and the risk of them being hurt....just the risk enough to have me panicing like mad...

I have a male frend m over 6 foot who held L when he was a baby out at arms reach in his hand (think he was doing the me big man thing) I just froze...Another male frend more sensitive poinbted out to M not to be doing that especilly with a nerviouse mum in the room.. The point is i froze with fear everything going haywire inside and nuthing comming out, i was so proud and gratfull to my other male frend (S) for taking charge in that moment.

Putting thse diffrent types of behaviour dowen to our sexes is convient but true to a point men don't seem to have the same generall reaction to protecting kids, they do protect but in a diffrent type or manner of protection.

Ther's also something about being young and feeling invincible that your son might be feeeling that he extends to the child .....ie nuthing that bad could ever happen to us or our child type of attitude.

your son might even be feeling silly that you spotted the danger and he didn't and be comming on all defencive to cover up for his mistake.

One of the really valuable gifts you give as grandparents is experience
he could learn from your experience without some of the mistakes being made.

Like the other ladie's are saying even if your husband has a succesfull chat with your son their be times in the future that similare situasions happen again, couse we don't change overnight. Then the "I" statments come in really helpfull.

If your feeling nerviouse with the wee one trying to get out the high chair and if it comes up again you could use that as the obertunity to start using the I statment's. When she dose that i feel nerviouse and afraid she might fall and etc etc.

Then it might be easier for your son's ego and pride to take a backseat and actully listen to what your trying to communicate to him, ....which is your genuine concern for the child not your critisum of him or his parenting skill's.

i don't know your circumstances when you were a new mum but if you think back to that time, what was the best method that worked for you when someone told you something about careing for your child. The good stuff that left you feeling informed and intact. Not the negative manner that belittled or hurt your self-esteem but carried the same informasion. We have all genrilly had both types of experiences the positive and negative ones especilly with a first child.

Sometimes when we take experience from our owen life it's easier to get a picture of the how's or what manner or type of expression that had you informed and still ok about someone pointing something out to you.

Celtic_flame

My son called this morning and invited us for dinner on Saturday. At least that shows he doesn't have any hard feelings about my griping.

Celtic_flame you are so right about how I should put myself in his place, or remember back how advice was best given. Oh yes there is the accusatory advice and the constructive advice. My problem is in that moment when I see the baby is in danger, I panic!

I hope I'll be able to use the "I" method while my heart is racing a mile a minute and I feel I could shake him. Maybe some of my bickering has already sunk in. I hope and pray that he has come to his senses and be the protective father.

The more I think about my son's behaviour, the more I agree that he is apparently still at that immature level of..."nothing bad can happen." Infact my older son actually suggested the same thing.

I'll let you ladies know how it goes on Saturday.

Somehow I know that you will have a great evening together. He has heard you, he just needs his space and time.

Have a wonderful time together. Consider focusing on his love for his child and celebrating that. Yes, he is making some mistakes, but how many children have so much love from their fathers? (In my world, not too many - but I do have a jaded perspective)