You girls would not believe how private I USED to be. I was called aloof, stuck up, shy, reserved, haughty, and even unfriendly. Mostly, I was scared. I was afraid that if I started speaking about my own self, who knew what secrets would escape? I am a good listener and I can spend hours listening to someone else without them learning anything about me. A friend I reconnected with after 30 plus years will call me to vent for 3-5 hours, and when I am drained and ready to hang up, she will say, "What's new with you?" While I normally would not put up with this, this particular friend needs a good listener. But my problem in the past was that I was TOO focused on others so that I could AVOID my own self. Now, my life is literally an open book. For those who have read my memoir, you know that I reveal my entire childhood and young adulthood for the purpose of letting others know they are not alone in their suffering from trauma. Spilling the beans about my life had a purpose: to comfort others, to confront violence, and to change society. Whenever I want to run and hide because I reveal so much in my book, whenever I think I might regret what I wrote, I remind myself that I was on a God-given mission to reveal truths so that others would not suffer in silence. And that's the way it is here at BWS. I think that BWS is the most supportive social site I've ever visited, and for that reason I don't hold back here. I feel there is a lot of giving and receiving of love even though we don't see each other. I was concerned when I Googled myself and found posts from BWS in plain view. So I am a little more careful now. As for my picture, all the people I worried about "finding" me have found me, and I dealt with that. Hey, it's hard to be a published author and remain anonymous! So, to answer the Celtic questions, I'd say that I feel safe enough here to post just about anything. Brussel sprouts? Yuk. As bad as lima beans!

Renee, you are a good photographer. Why not put a picture like that? It would be fun to identify you that way.

Lynnie, I have read your memoir and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I hung onto every last word. And it is a ministry to reveal what you have lived through for the sake of the betterment of other women. I hope you never regret revealing so much in the book. It is through stories like yours that others are set free. You should be so proud of yourself because your story is written once and for all. That's such a testament to the light you shine in this world.

Thanks to all of you for the kind comments about BWS. It was my dream to provide a safe haven for our generation of women to connect, encourage and support one another online. By the grace of God, and the hearts of the wise, warm, and witty women who frequent our neighborhood, this dream has become true. Pretty wild, huh? For those of you who haven't read the guidelines for some time, here they are:

Boomer Women Speak Forum Community

A Place to Share from the Heart and Connect with Women
A Place to Share Stories, Give and Receive Advice, and Meet New Friends

1. Community Guidelines
This site operates solely by the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. By communicating in BWS’s forums, you are agreeing to abide by our community rules. We promise to provide a safe haven where members are encouraged to treat each other with respect. Women are expected to support and encourage each other with enthusiasm.

If you are new to the site, come on in. If you’ve been around for a while, be sure to welcome our newcomers. We know you may think you have a dumb question or post, but in our online neighborhood there is no such thing. Anything that comes to mind is okay with us as long as you follow our guidelines. Whether you are rejoicing over a new job or whining about a relationship, more than likely another boomer woman is going through something similar. Being supportive of one another is why this community exists. Remember, “Friends Heal Friends.”

2. Respect
As long as you always act with respect for other women, it is okay to let it all hang out in the online neighborhood. Feel free to write with emotion in your heart while posting.

3.Screen Names
We ask that you kindly choose a screen name with good taste. We will reject your choice if you select something we believe to be vulgar.

4. Etiquette
Please refrain from the following:
1. Using all capital letters. It’s considered shouting online and makes it difficult to read.
2. Posting the same message on several boards.
3. Posting anything obscene, illegal, abusive, degrading, insulting, or threatening. We won’t tolerate harmful communications. We’ll delete anything that attacks someone’s race, sexual orientation, religion, or personal being in any way. Profanity is forbidden.
4. Providing your telephone number or home address.

You are free to discuss the following:
1. Personal views
2. Religious beliefs
3. Life stories
We simply ask that you not attack the beliefs or choices of others. Please don’t tell others what they should or shouldn’t believe. Don’t tell them how to live their lives. A perfect example of this is faith issues. Please don’t tell someone that your belief is the only right one and that theirs is wrong. Posts like this are considered attacks and we will delete them.
4. Give your email address only if you want to receive email. Posting your email
address makes it public and allows others to email you.

5. Professional Advice
Remember while sharing stories is informative and helpful, nothing takes the place of professional advice. Please seek proper attention and don’t rely on our community for personal counseling.

6. Publishing Your Words
Your words may be used in other places on our site, but we will always notify you first for permission.

7. Copyrights
We ask that you not post anything that you don’t have the right to publish. We also ask that you not violate any copyright laws in your postings. We will delete posts that contain such violations.

8. Advertising
Do not use our forum community to solicit products or services.

9. Other Web sites
It’s absolutely fine to place links to other Web sites. Anything that interests you may also be of interest to others in our community.

10. Reporting Problems:
Please contact dots@boomerwomenspeak.com if you encounter messages that are offensive in any way. We have the right to terminate any user, at any time, for any reason, if our judgment tells us so.

11. Contacting Us
Please contact us for any reason that you deem necessary. We are only a mailbox away. dots@boomerwomenspeak.com

Thanks for reminding us about the rules Dottie which turn out to be guidelines, theirs a good difference in the connotation. I read them in the way in and haven’t looked at them since theirs nothing untoward in them and thankfully a filter that keeps safe from attack some of the other people in this sight (words can be and are painful, judgment especially). One thing that’s special about the guidelines is the reference to (freedom) religion or spirituality, and leaving each to their own. I really like that I think sometimes for some people when they feel they have nothing left in this world all they may have is their version of their god and how important that in itself is.

Hannalore you collect the similes all you want lol, can I collect your wit your funny and upbeat and I have never found you to be offensive, you’re just lovely….

Lynie…… .. Just clicked on your link and had a wee browse through your sight (that sort of things or checking peoples profile never really occurred to me till now)……..That’s a pretty open and commendable sight. Congratulations for facing and being successful in the process in your private life. Making it public exceptionally brave and commendable. I do believe the sharing of trouble helps other people in similar situations through the process of identification, I strongly believe that and at times just what a life saver this process can be. …… Yea I imagine the feelings of vulrability or exposure from the publication to be high but you went ahead and published anyway, with such a potentially high personal risk …..Say’s something good, resilient and strong about your character.

I have never published anything, I know Popea has a good few publications and has dune for a long time, stories and poetry. I do a bit of poetry and writing myself but tend to keep it more to myself, selfishly its myself I write for, more the process of writing that aids me. I am happy enough with that at the moment.

I have been dyslexic for most of my life, well the part were you start reading and writing from lol …before that who knows lol… .. It took until I was 24 for this to be discovered….long story…So keeping written things private to avoid comment been my default pattern, but I found ways round that (god bless computers) since then theirs been no stopping me studying, which was always considered by myself to be beyond my grasp and encourage by a few others to be this way too, but here we are lol I am having the last laugh and enjoying learning to the full extent of my capabilities………I express my creativity in different forms and in different mediums. I have found the perfect ones for me or alternatively I am just perfect for them……either way something that fits perfect for everyone, I am just thankful I found mine

Oh even better I worked out to write in word doc. Spell cheek and cut and past ……taaaaaraaaaa cant think why I hadn’t thought of it earlier

Now delighted ….celtic_flame

Saundra, I don't have a distinguished accent - very boring.

Sometimes I may delete something I've written to post because I'm not sure I am communicating it well enough to get my point across. Even though I've been told I have a gift of written communication, that is more for business and not baring my soul. When I bare my soul in person to a friend, they can look at my face, into my eyes and see more than what I am saying - and I can see when they care and understand me, or if they don't. We can't see that here.

I've chosen not to post my picture due to privacy issues also, but I have enjoyed seeing what you all look like. I would be willing to email it, but not post it on a public website. However, I really don't have a good picture of myself since I am the photographer in my family.

Lynnie,
You are so sweet and uplifting these days . That is a good idea about my pictures I have taken and I could post on in the place of my picture of my flowers. I was sitting here feeling low about Christmas and miss my mother who died this last March and miss not sending her a card and cookies she loved so much . Thanks this has helped a lot

Renee

Dotsie, thank you so much for what you wrote : re: regrets. I am going to save what you wrote and everytime that bad habit of self-doubt raises its head I will look at what you had to say. Thanks also to Celtic. I must surrender to the mission, as Celtic's quote says. Celtic, it must have been such a struggle to be dyslexic without diagnosis. How did you get through school? It must have been so much harder than we might think. Renee, I think volunteering is a good thing if you've had enough time to yourself to process what you have been through. You can still bake cookies for her and send her a card, or start a card collection that you keep in a special box or Christmas tin.

Yea primary education and even the secondary school was a nightmare the kindest teacher thought I was bright enough but didn’t know what was up with me. The less kind had some not very nice or complimentary names for me and when physical belting was allowed I would be beat often for being illiterate, laziest or stupid, even retarded in the worst scenarios. This nonsense did give me very poor confidence and show it self in the silliest of ways like I would never send Christmas cards so no one would see my hand writing. I left school early and with no qualifications the school was happy enough to let me go. My dad was self employed and decided I would work for him, I had other ideas. I did both for a while then thought it better to be away from the family form of control lol.

I was lucky enough (at the time) to be in a relationship with a university professor, they noticed the types of mistakes I was making while reading a mate’s kid their bedtime stories. They knew of dyslexia and noticed the pattern within the language problems (could you believe they were a linguist 7 or 8 languages lol) I didn’t know much about the condition, and flippantly say “but that the excuse that stupid people used for not being able to write” After some encouragement I went enrolled at college got accepted (as a mature student) and got my first test.

They test your IQ (raven’s progressive matrix) but don’t use a word based one. They then test reading writing and comprehension of word test and if there is a big disparity between the two i.e. high IQ coupled with low literacy performance then that is what decides the results of this specific learning disability. I would advise anyone or anyone to get their child tested and in the uk a diagnosis gets teaching support and different language teaching methods so it’s well worth it.

University education been dun with aid of computers without that then my handwritten pretty bad spell checking and I am allowed to get someone else to manually spell check my work to eradicate things like homophones etc. That type of support and a lot of determination saw me through.

I am also lucky to feel passionate about the topics I chose to study and my master’s dissertation, that a great driving force.

The advantages to thought and types of thinking give me an advantage in my job and skills. Where one functions within the brain lakes other functions almost become stronger ……in the end it has worked out perfectly for me.

celtic_flame

PS i learned how to write in word then spell check but it leaves some mistakes but it makes it easier for me and easier for you ladies to read

Hi Lynne and mornin' Celtic, just reading the posts is making me grin broadly. When Celtic remarks on how lucky she was and is.... I am awakened to just how proud I am and was during the time of study on the Ma Hons. I was given the privillege of proof reading and spell checking that work, how lucky was I?
In my formative years and due to my shyness and family problems...I beleive I was saved from further trauma because I hid in books. My uncle was well read and would encourage me, lending me his books...many of which were 'classics'. My verbal and written skills soon outstripped my classmates and my older siblings(I am the youngest). I was bullied by both and told to'"shut up and talk right" if I used words with more that three syllables. I also learned very early on to write poetry as a way to express my emotions and disguise a world of pain. It got to the point where I had to read and write in secret for many years.
I write and publish now and speak as I speak...even though I would still be told that I am a 'know all' sometimes. I can shrug it off now with relative ease with the knowledge that it is their ignorance and not my problem.
I could not imagine a world without the ability I have had for a long time and know I am truly blessed.
This has been a realy good and thought prevoking post and further threads. Thank you all Ladies for your insight and input.

Keep Sweet.

Popea