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#9417 - 07/28/04 03:53 AM
Re: empty nest and all alone
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Member
Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 2830
Loc: Massachusetts, USA
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I for one, would love to have everybody close! I know times have changed, but there was so much more peace before... and children got to know their grandparents and great grandparents, and values were passed down more easily. Cousins would be best friends, etc. FAmily stuck together always... The way it is now, I don't know half of my family members! So far from each other... I don't even know their names!!!!
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#9418 - 07/28/04 08:40 AM
Re: empty nest and all alone
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Member
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 223
Loc: Winters, California
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Meredith, What your brother is doing is called Financial Elder Abuse. My brother-in-law, who lived with my mother-in-law, got her to open credit card accounts and put a loan against her house. I called the district attorney for our county and he REAAAAALLLLY wanted me to give him my brother's name. He said no one would ever have to know I reported him. Since Merwyn's family didn't want to do that, I didn't give his name. I did call him and tell him I called the district attorney and that there was a name for what he had done and that he needed to take care of business. I was not unkind, just honest. What my husband did was take his mother to her attorney and they re-wrote her trust. If Mer's brother spent any more of his mom's money after a certain date, he would get that much less when the estate was settled. Hope everything works out for you and your siblings. It seems to me that you hear about more men pulling this kind of thing than women. I wonder why that is?
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#9419 - 07/28/04 08:55 AM
Re: empty nest and all alone
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Member
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 223
Loc: Winters, California
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Meredith, Another thought: How is your mom mentally? Merwyn's mother couldn't figure out where all her money was going because Mer's brother had all these credit cards, car loans and home equity loan on his mom's house, and didn't have job, so he was getting his mom to pay the payments. He also lived at her home for free, didn't pay for groceries, car insurance, car payments or anything. Since everything was in Mom's name, she felt obligated to keep the payments up to keep her credit from being jeopardized. But, it took her having a ministroke and having to come live with us for a while before we realized the extent of what was going on. Her home was a mess because she COULDN'T clean (we just thought she didn't mind living like that). She would just put her mail in big plastic bags because she couldn't deal with it or understand it all and then hide the bags behind a big screen in her living room. Her memory was pretty poor and her capacity to understand stuff was limited. Older people will hide the state they are in and the only way to discover how things really are is to spend an extended amount of time with them. Does your mom have her financial affairs in order? Who has medical power of attorney? Who has financial power of attorney? What are her advanced health directives? Does she have her funeral plans taken care of? How does she want to be laid to rest? Does she have insurance policies? Are they still valid, or has she let them lapse because she couldn't figure out what they were and didn't pay them? This is such a difficult time for our parents and for us. My own mother had Alzheimer's and I got her to get things taken care of financially and medically just before she went down hill drastically. It was so hard. I am sorry. I know this is empty nest forum and I guess I should have posted in the taking care of parents forum. I'm really sorry.
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#9423 - 07/29/04 09:38 AM
Re: empty nest and all alone
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Member
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 223
Loc: Winters, California
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Thank you, dear Chatty. You have been a blessing to me. It HAS been hard and I hope it will end soon. I am thinking it should calm down within a couple of years. I am not sure it would be realistic to expect much before then...unless God intervenes..which He loves to do. I keep praying for a breakthrough. I started believing the awful things being said about me and I had to fight back by listening to the truth. Every night before I went to bed I listened to a CD called "The Father's Love Letter". It is narrated by the most gentle sounding man reading the letter as if it is from God Himself and describes how God is our Father and how much He loves us and then it is followed by the scriptures used in the "letter". It helped me soo much. Meredith, I don't envy you the situation you are in. It is soo hard. Our parents want to retain their independence and don't like us butting in when sometimes that is really what we need to be doing. I know my mom was shocked the first time the roles were reversed, but it had to be done. I hope things work out all right for you and your family. One thing I will say from experience, forgive your brother now and keep working at forgiving him. Family is important, even crummy family.
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#9424 - 07/31/04 06:04 PM
Re: empty nest and all alone
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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quote: Originally posted by lalapaloosa: Family is important, even crummy family.
lala, what a quote. Especially if we are the crummy family members.
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