Well, here I go again BUT in my opinion women see the problems and know that they MUST be addressed. Since the men are generally the basis for the problem, they hide their bone heads in the sand like the ostrich and presume the problem will go away. There are more ways tyo abuse a person besides physical. You can be mentally abused to the point of suicide. You can be emotionall abused until you no longer feel anything. A man doesn't have to punch you in the face to damage you. Personally I see no distinction in the three, whether physical, emotional or mental its ABUSE and needs to be stopped. If counseling helps than get help if not and he refuses the help, than get the hell out of there. No one needs to suffer another persons cruelty. In this day and age there is help and understanding available to us all, but first we need to help ourselves. You are only given one life to live, don't let another take that life from you in anyway..... AMEN!!

Hi Meredith - no, didn't scare me off, but I did get confused over where I left my post <g>. I seem to do that a lot...especially now with warmer weather, I'm outside most of the daylight hours and when I get inside I shovel food into my mouth and then lay down to sleep. Nice visual, eh?

Your husband sounds *very* insecure and needs you to stand on so he can feel better about himself. Sad really but you're doing what you can to protect yourself. Do you owe him? I don't think you owe him more than you've already paid him. But, that's my, unasked for, opinion. I've been unhappy and I've been happy and, believe you me...happy is better...much, much better. I don't give anyone permission to disrespect me much less scream at me or hurt me or hit me. Usually people only try it once <g>. I'm a short little fat girl but when I'm angry I can get very, very large. When I've stood down a stallion I figure a man ain't all that big a deal. <ggg>

I very much hate it that you're in such an unhappy situation. It just sounds so sad and useless. Life is so very short and when we're gone there are only the memories left for others to hold. I want people to hold good memories of me and my life and that includes my marriage to Dave. Yes, we have had our words and differences but 99% of the time we respect each other and honor each other with our respect in words and deed. We're both strong enough that we don't need each other, we want each other and that's a tremendous difference.

Thanks again everyone for your caring.

Sandra, I'll stand up to anyone but only in the past few years have I learned how to NOT fight. Not everything is worth the energy, especially if it's the 5,389th time he's started the same stupid fight. My husband craves attention regardless of how he gets it, and my biggest weapon is walking out. I'm taking off for a week or two in June without him, to go to a poetry festival & crafts fair in Berkeley, and then visit a few friends. He's upset that there are fewer and fewer things we do together, but I do what I need for my own happiness.

In a sense this sounds sad to me too, but I don't feel particularly sad. Life goes on, and I'm OK.

Sandra, I want to thank you for the advice you gave Meredith. I have been pondering something about a relationship I've been in for sometime. You made a statement that jumped out and hit me smack in the face, it was that you and your husband don't need one another but you want one another...This evening I will be saying good-bye to someone I was needy for, not someone I wanted. Kind of like a bird in the hand is worth one in the bush. What a crock! I hope Meredith saw the wisdom of your statement, I did, and thank you....Life's too short to settle for second best.