Hi friends,

I belive that a parent's most important attribute is self-esteem. This causes a parent to not react rather to act appropriately to make wise decisions about their children.

What do you think? What has helped the most in rasing your kids? What has worked and what hasn't worked?

Cheers,
Darlene

Actually, my sometimes low self-esteem has caused me to be a better mother, I believe. Negativity throughout my life is causing me to grow stronger as a person and drives us to want to protect our daughter from things like that or ever thinking something she does isn't good enough. We constantly praise her. She will be three in January and you should see the smile that comes across her face when she knows she's done something wonderful. We strive each day to let her know we're proud of her and to really lift her up by praying for her and by complimenting and respecting her for the person she is and continues to become.

Karen McKay

I agree with you about the importance of self esteem. I have much more self esteem now than I ever had and it has so helped me as a parent to my son.

My son's father (my ex) was a control freak and had a bad influence on my son's self esteem. He was scared to try anything for fear of failure. After his Dad moved out, it was a long road to get my son to feel confident. I provided him with a place where he could be a kid - be able to try new things and learn - be able to fail - and then learn by trying again.

Even though, I obviously didn't have enough self-esteem when I was married to realize I didn't deserve the treatment I received, something took over afterwards and I was determined to show my son that he deserved better too.

We both have come a long way and he is one outstanding young man!

Donna

What helps me is to treat my kids with the same respect I would treat an adult. Our kids are "on loan" to us, they are souls created by God, within a human body that parents create, hopefully, out of love. It also helps to know that He loves them with a greater love than we can ever know.
I know I fall short as a parent each and every day, but my kids know that I love them, am also merely a human and that I did sacrifice much to bring them into the world. I have also told them that there is a God in heaven who loves them infinitely and perfectly and that no one can take His place here on earth. I think we need to communicate to them that nothing here will ever be perfect and no person will ever be either. So when they are disappointed or hurt, they can handle it better.

My most important attribute has been compassion and empathy (largely born of self-esteem, yes). I used my own experiences as a child (how I learned, how I felt, etc) to treat, react to and educate my children. They're compassionate and empathetic children so I'm hoping that was the way to go. I did also couple this with personal responsibility (you're responsible for you and I for me) and a bit of profiling. Yes, profiling is a very useful tool if used correctly. The way someone is dressed or kept isn't nearly as important as how they act with and react to their environment.

Having said that, time is a parent's most important attribute. If you don't have time, you've got little chance of sharing anything useful about yourself.

Honesty. Intregity.

Say, you wouldn't be harvesting fodder, would you Darlene? teehee....

JJ

EXAMPLE to me is key. I learned by example to be kind, generous, loving, nurturing, humble, and all the things a good decent person should be. Yes, on occassion when growing up, I stumbled but my mother (my example) picked me up mentally and psychically sometimes, dusted me off and sent me further along on my journey through life. I have tried to be the same way and do the same things for my sons. Now I see my son as a Father doing the same things to implant self-esteem and values into his children, my grandchidren. Life is a circle, spinning round and round and hopefully we take away and then give back the most important lessons.