Passive agressive -- yick! Also fairly typical of a drinker/alcoholic. Have you ever read "Codependent No More?"

I guess I'm not totally clear -- are you living with your husband or in the process of separating? Sounds very entangled.

My ex- was extremely passive agressive -- also an active alcoholic. He would say sure, go ahead, and then do something which would show his displeasure. Once I took the kids on a quick vacation to friends. He couldn't go because he had to work. When I got back, there was a few days worth of garbage on the back porch. He didn't have "time" to take it the next 10 yards to the garbage cans....

Mine doesn't have a drinking problem, Casey.

Well, at least now I know and there's no denying it. He has kicked in the bathroom door and thrown things at me and most recently threw my GD's baby carriage across the room.

I'll get used to being on my own. I'll probably be much happier. Thanks for the info. Isn't there something out there to describe the personality traits and what to look out for in abusive personalities? He IS also an alcoholic. He drinks between 12-16 beers a night and shots in between.

I haven't eaten anything all day. I need to listen to reason and not my heart. If it weren't for my daughter and GD being here, I would run like the wind and never look back.

Number5, stay away. Keep coming here for encouragement as you need it. I'm afraid he's going to hurt you during one of his outbursts. Are you scared?

Okay, after reading your last post, he's abusive. Anytime you feel fear, you are a victim. If he pulls anything else, I'd either call the police or get a restraining order.

There's info on those personality traits all over the internet, Number5 -- just type in domestic violence or alchoholic personality, or abusive personality....plenty of stuff out there to help....just make sure it's a site that's reputable. And personally, I wouldn't wait for a next time, if at all possible.....This man needs anger control today and it might BE today that he loses it altogether....I'll worry about you...

Searcher

Number5, Yes, we are here. Get help. Get out. If you aren't scared, I sure am scared for you.

Bluebird, I'm not sure of your last comment. Passive agressive behavior is common with alcholics, but not limited to them! :-)))

Oh I know, I just wanted to make it clear that he is not an alcoholic.
I have "googled" and found some info about being co-dependent. A while back a friend of mine (who is an alcoholic) told me it sounded like I had co-dependent traits. I didn't think it was true at the time because I thought it meant that I was very dependent and I'm pretty independent. Now that I've read about it I would say that I have been showing co-dependent tendencies.

I think sometimes "co-dependent" can be an overused term! LOL We do seem to like labels! I'm pretty independent as well, but I have a great tendency to want to step in and do someone else's job for them, far too readily. I like the book, "co-dependent no more," even though it's over a decade old. It really brought forward the truth of what I was dealing with.

Of course, those of us who are mothers have some of that built in! My son, who has been on drugs for most of his life, has definitely taught me what I don't have control over. It's still difficult to let go and let God. But I'm practicing being in the "now," doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

When I was living with my ex- and I was spiralling out of control (I wasn't a particularly nice person at the time), it was a different situation. I had to grow up a lot. In the end we separated because he didn't want to look at the reason he drank so much. Our relationship is o.k. now; we can joke about things and he knows that he has avoided looking at things. I can only imagine his pain -- it must be really deep. But my living with it and trying to "fix" it didn't help me or him, or my son for that matter.

Sorry for rambling...I'm pretty passionate about this stuff!

You're not rambling and it is wonderful to be passionate about something! Too many people aren't passionate about anything.
I'm learning to step back from my older kids as far as trying to "keep" them out of trouble or trying to get them out. I thought I had to overcompensate when they were younger because my husband worked so much and when he was home, he still wasn't "there". But that doesn't work.