Thats how my ex became too Number5, he didn't really want me but didn't want anyone else to want me either and hated that anyone else did. Your soon to be X is afraid of the support and understanding and learning you receive from woman here who have learned the hard way how to remain sane and beat the all male system. He fears the fact that many women are strong and that you may begin to feel your own strengths and realize what a pitiful loser/abuser he is and the funny thing is he's right!!! One day you'll laugh about all this, doesn't seem possible but its true. Maybe you can get a meeting at work and explain (briefly) why you may need to be late every now and then...

You're all right. He plans to come over tonight after he leaves the bar....again.....He really wanted to move into his own place so he could go out drinking whenever he feels like it, then come over to see me at "my" house just to check up on me.

His daughter told me today that she grew up seeing him hit her mother. I didn't know that. No one told me until now. She said in all fairness, though, that he did it when they were both drunk. The poor kid. She and I are getting along much better now. No wonder she's messed up!!

She doesn't want to see me receive the same treatment.

I want the lovely women and the precious grandchildren in my life to see what a healthy woman is like. I want them to see me overcome this obstacle and be a strong healthy woman again.

I look in the mirror and I don't even know who this person is. I've aged about 5 yrs. since I've lived with him this past year.

Thanks to all of you, I'm becoming braver and more confident that I may have a future. He told me he would kill me if I touched his money so I have to find another way to make it, but I'm sure God will open the door to a better paying profession and a whole new life.

number5, my x did that even after we were married. He was REALLY upset when I changed the locks. He had been coming in the house looking for evidence, but there was none - I didn't date anyone until the divorce was final. Your x will continue this behavior until you make a firm stand - get the locks changed. If I was closer, I'd do it for you.

Daisygirl

I've said it before: Don't blame the consumption of alcohol on abuse. A man who abuses when drunk has simply lost his inhibitions and will eventually do it stone-cold sober. It isn't the booze, it's the man!

Today I'm presenting him with an accounting of my deposits and withdrawals from the joint account. I've opened my own but there are still some residual bills left over. I don't want him to have anything to hold over my head or complain about.

He seems to be able to find anything at any time. I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see. The way I see it is if he has his own house and I have mine but we are still married and he is still responsible for anything related to me in anyway and I still go over to his house and "service" him on my nights off, then, I'm his whore.

Am I wrong? Sex for money. Isn't that what a prostitute does? Am I way off base here, if any one of you had a child who had to come and live with you for a while, even if your husband had physical disabilities, wouldn't you expect him to love you enough to accept the temporary inconvenience? Wouldn't you expect his emotional and moral support?

I'm going on a little road trip today and try to forget about him for a little while. Do you think there could be someone nice and strong for me someday out there??!!

Yes, there will be but not until you are strong yourself.

I was nice to my about to be ex just to get through a friendly divorce. You do whatever it takes to get by and I understand and especially when he's in control of the money. It's only temporary so don't beat up on yourself.

You can't expect from him what he's not capable of giving to you.

Number5. I hope you have a great road trip!

Looking in the mirror and liking what we see is so important! It's a reflection of our true selves. It can be difficult to let ourselves shine through when we are afraid. In an abusive situation being afraid is the right response.

Unfortunately, you aren't talking about physical disabilities. You are talking about a man with a large problem with himself. It really doesn't have anything to do with you. You could twist yourself into any type of pretzel and it would only work for a while. He is putting his anger outside himself on you. I agree with Dianne, the alcohol only gives him the "excuse." I was kicked by my ex- because he couldn't make a large pancake one night. If that's not insanity!

You do what you need to do to protect yourself until you are free. There are no labels to apply. You are a warm, loving human being who is doing what you have to do. "Sex for money, prostitute, whore" are NOT labels I would apply to the woman I have seen in these posts.

Wonderful, loving, courageous, caring, responsible, faithful, Christian -- those are labels I would apply to the person I've come to know in a small way.

We are here in your support.

Number5, To answer your question in the order they were asked:

1) NO you can't be his whore as long as you are his wife. You can behave as one but not be one.
2) YES thats exactly what she does, sex for money.
3) YES if he loved you enough he would too.
4) YES and you should have both his emotional and moral support.
5) YES but move slowly this tme and don't accept the first guy who seems nice.

You are in such a dubios position with all this going on, you need to get away and relax for awhile. Remember too that as women we do what we have to do to survive until we can do something else....

I was brought up and had no choice but to attend Catholic School. I love this site, and commend Dotsie for creating it, however, one thing that I personally can't handle is all the "religiousness" of the site. And that's just me. No put-down at all intended. But when people or women put up with horrific conditions and wait for God to handle it, I cannot for the life of me, explain how I feel. I think, women in situations as noted forget "God gave us a free will" He didn't say "throw it on me, and I'll handle it"...enough said.

Sandi, I went to 12 years of Catholic school and am now a praticing Presbyterian. But most importantly, I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Women sharing their faith on this site is music to my ears.

However, I agree that no one should sit back and be abused in the name of God.

I don't take your post as a put down. It's your personal opinion and you are entitled to that. I launched BWS to give all boomer women a voice. When we share them, lives are changed...regardless of our opinion.