Dianne, I agree with you 100% that a woman should not stay with a man that is abusing her. Jesus said "love thy neighbor as thyself" so if you're obligated to take care of your neighbor, how dare you not take care of yourself?
I'm sure these women just feel guilty about "breaking" their marriage vows before God but I say the second that man's hand connects with your body in anger, the vows have been broken.

Smile, that is a great bumper sticker!

[ March 12, 2006, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: Bluebird ]

Since a large percentage of churches don't understand dv, they will often put the pressure on the woman to hold the marriage together and some religions teach that if you divorce for other than adultery, you'll burn in hell. That has a huge impact on these women. You need an 8x10 glossy of him in the act or something!

Others are afraid of being alone and use religion as an excuse. To them, it's easier. They just don't have a clue and no self-love.

Diane, I'm so glad my church does not believe like
those churches. If a woman is being abused, she
is usually encouraged to stay with other relatives
or friends until things change.

More and more, the clergy are being educated about domestic violence. Sadly, they are behind by years and women suffered because of them.

Don't get me started! I could rant and rave about that for days!

I heard a joke during Katrina. A guy was stranded on the roof of his house and the flood waters were rising. (some of you have probably heard this...)

A helicopter flew over and let down a ladder and the guy said, "No, go your way, God will provide a way." Then a boat came by and they said, "Hey, fella, get in!" He said, "No, God will provide a way for me." When the flood waters were up to his nose, he prayed, "God, didn't you hear my prayers??!!" God said, "I sent you a helicopter and a boat, what more do you want?"

My daddy, the preacher, always said, "Honey, put feets to your prayers and you'll see God move."

I've always let my lips flap, but I make sure my feet move also.

Please note... abuse is not only physical... there is verbal and emotional abuse..

I feel for these women... they are so blind. If they can't love themselves first, then why would the abuser love them? Love is being respectful, being considerate, understanding, patient, kind, honest, forgiving, all positive!

Most of the women don't know how to love themselves and their childhood was probably spent with an abuser of some kind so there is the example. They don't think they deserve any better.

I've often tried to analize why I seem to be attracted to what I consider strong yet abusive men. I'm a strong woman. But my dad is a minister and my mom a typical minister's wife. To my parents, pleasing the church people was all important.

We weren't allowed to talk back or express opinions contrary to what our parent's believed and taught at home. I love my parents very much, respect them and have forgiven them, but I think I was taught to take a lot and never to talk back. I was very sensitive as a child and wanted very much to please my parents. That has carried over to adulthood.

I am a people pleaser and peace at most any price. I seem to "need" places and people "bigger" "stronger" more "powerful" than I am. I live near the ocean where I can feel the power. I love the mountains, bold colors, and exotic foods. I couldn't stand to live in the plains or with really nice people for long.

My idea of hell would be to live in the middle of Kansas, in a wheat field, with a really nice man who treated me like I would break.

I really don't like men who are "in touch with their feminine side." In my way of thinking, I may as well be married to a woman and as we all know, that certainly won't happen!

I like to be in charge of the kitchen and the household. I like to be the main one handling the children. Men who are strong yet kind and thoughtful are attractive to me. Trouble is, they get too much like the ocean during a hurricane...

If we're "pleasers" we will attract people we need to please. We look for it so we can fulfill what we believe to be our role in the relationship.

If we're rescuers, we attract those who need to be rescued, which ends up causing resentment.

I liked strong, powerful, successful men. Just like my dad. They also had his same characteristics, which wasn't a good thing but it was familiar to me. It's all I knew in a man.

We often don't think we're deserving of a good man and if we can find one that is worse off than us, it makes us feel better. That way, we don't have as much self-hatred.

After intensive therapy, I finally found a strong, powerful and successful man but he was also kind and nothing like my father.

I admire a man strong in only things like taking care of the cars, the up keep of the home (outside) and inside when something breaks or needs adjusting. My Father was that kind of a man, he had the most beautiful yard and garden on the block always and he did all the plumbing, electrical, painting, carpentry etc, he was as neat as a pin, one could say meticulous. Unfortunately he was as crazy as a loon...certifiable! Mother handled the inside things, kids, cooking, cleaning, gifts, family doings etc., critical at times. Its the way I would love it to be in my own home but out of three husbands NONE knew what side of a hammer to use. MY first was okay because my dad did everything for us, the second was rich and paid to have everything done, the third (yuk-phooey) and the worst of the three was and is a joke. A book smart political historian thats lucky he can cross the street by himself. I certainly messed up in the husband category...