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#71270 - 01/02/06 07:08 PM Hanging On By A Thread!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
My 19 yr. old step daughter is manipulative, troubled and coniving. She tries to come between my husband and I all the time. She lives 4 hours south of us with her mother, his 3rd wife. She is the baby of 3 daughters. She tries to act like her "daddy" and her have the most special relationship, that they are just alike and understand each other. She talks about me behind my back to her dad. He bought her a rail pass so she can visit anytime she pleases. She informed me right off the bat that she is lazy and is in no hurry to get her GED and that she doesn't do housework. She calls me a lard ass and a blonde and when I am hurt or offended she says, "I was just kidding, and to her dad, "F*** she can't even take a f***ing joke?!" He just laughs. He thinks her behavior is cute and I'm just too sensitive.
She stole my perfume and my frilly underthings. I found them in her suitcase stuffed down in the pockets. He took her side saying that in the household where she lives, they just take each other's things. I said in my home we don't do that.
She regularly goes to visit his 4th wife, the one right before me, because as she puts it to her dad, "She was so good to me and taught me so much..." They have a special relationship.
I am an outsider in my husband's town. He hangs out at the local bar and has for years so does #2 wife and she is jealous of me and resents his two grandsons who live with her coming to visit me or liking me.
Everyone knows him and his daughters and his exes. I'm just #5 and we fight all the time.
My daughter 23 yr. old daughter is living with us until the 13th when she will either go into a drug rehab program or to prison. Her darling 3 yr. old daughter will live with me until she is able to take care of her daughter again. My husband honestly says he doesn't know if he will be able to live with that situation or not. If not, then she and I will have to move out of the house that I helped him finance along with 20,000 of his own cc debt.
I feel like an outsider all the time and his daughter constantly makes reference to the fact that there have been many years, many wives and many friends older and more important to her and "daddy" than me. I love my husband and have honestly tried to get his daughters to accept and love me, but they don't.
They each want their mothers to be the important ones to their dad.
Got any advice? At least he doesn't throw things at me anymore.

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#71271 - 01/03/06 08:16 AM Re: Hanging On By A Thread!
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Number5, I feel badly for you. Perhaps you can read your post again and realize there is a lot of negativity in it. Is the post about the daughter only, or about the way your husband acts too?

Your last comment concerns me. Is he verbally or physically abusive?

No one should have to feel like it is me against the world. Do you have any close friends or sisters to confide in?

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#71272 - 01/03/06 08:54 AM Re: Hanging On By A Thread!
yepthatsme2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
Number5...what I got from reading your posts is, you have been married less than a year to a man you fight with all the time ...but, at least he doesn't throw things at you anymore. This man is abusive and so is his daughter...he hasn't changed after 5 wives and isn't about to change now.

He allows his daughter to come into your home, talk down to you and to steal anything she wants, from your personal belongings.
If, he hands her a rail pass's maybe, it should be to visit the 4th wife so she can continue to teach her what she hasn't learned already.
"No one", would come into my house and cuss me without leaving immediately. If, she had stole from me, ...I would have called the police and pressed charges on her. This is abuse and dad is allowing her to get away with doing so, just as "he is".

Your quote..."I love my husband & tried to get his daughters to accept and love me".
You can not make anyone accept or love you...
Sounds like the daughter doesn't even like herself. I would have to question your husband's love???

Your hubby was the charming romantic to get what he needed at the time...someone to take care of all of his needs...in all of his "sickness".
He looks out for his self and his...and can't live with taking in your granddaughter, or caring about your needs.

My advice to you is find yourself a lawyer... run not walk... away from this man.

My ex has been married 5 times...his dad was married 7.

Get yourself out.....

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#71273 - 01/02/06 09:03 PM Re: Hanging On By A Thread!
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Number5,the fact that your husband has married 5 times, says it all. If he couldn't "love, honor and cherish till death did them part" 4 times, what makes you think he feels that way about you? I'm sorry to sound so brutal on my first post to you, but this situation is bad. You will not change him or his daughter.
I'm glad you joined us here and if you stick around, you will get lots of loving support, no matter what you choose to do. And there are many of us already begging Almighty God to protect you and guide you.
Peace.

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#71274 - 01/02/06 09:38 PM Re: Hanging On By A Thread!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
My husband says he is willing to try having my grandaughter with us but can't promise anything. Says he won't "kick us to the curb just yet." He is taking an early disability retirement and we are supposed to manage an apartment complex for free rent and utilities. It is a two BR. Needs me to help manage and work full time at my job also. Wants my grandaughter in daycare as long as they can keep her during the day. He needs me to pack, clean, move us to new location and then set up housekeeping there. I suspect then he will "kick us to the curb" and move his daughter in. She said he told her he was giving her his car and buying himself a new one after we sell his house. She said he told her not to tell me about it.
I feel so betrayed. He denies he ever said quite that though.

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#71275 - 01/02/06 09:43 PM Re: Hanging On By A Thread!
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Number5, do you have any family or friends you can stay with, if you feel the need to get out?

[ January 02, 2006, 01:44 PM: Message edited by: Bluebird ]

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#71276 - 01/02/06 10:27 PM Re: Hanging On By A Thread!
yepthatsme2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
This man is lying to you. He wants someone to wait hand and foot on him...he gives nothing in return.
Talk to your family....
collect your belongiongs and move.

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#71277 - 01/02/06 11:09 PM Re: Hanging On By A Thread!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
I thank all of you for your advice. I'm listening. I actually do have a plan B but am just trying to make sure I'm not making a big mistake

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#71278 - 01/02/06 11:25 PM Re: Hanging On By A Thread!
yepthatsme2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
Glad to hear you have a plan B. Sometimes, when we are so close to the situation it's hard to see the truth.
What does your family think? Or, others who are close to you... that love you?

I'm praying for God to watch over and protect you.

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#71279 - 01/02/06 11:43 PM Re: Hanging On By A Thread!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
My family wants me out pronto. It's so strange to love someone and care what happens to them but know that you have probably made a big mistake. You feel that it is now too late and have so much invested. He says I'm pushing him too far, way beyond what he has ever said he was willing to do or accept in his life. His children treat me with very guarded coolness. It seems they wish me and mine would simply go away and their dad would reunite with their respective moms.
If I sit at the computer and play video games to "chill out" he walks in and says there is a lot of work to be done and why am I wasting time?
He did buy Christmas presents for my grandchildren though. I don't know if he expects me to pay him back or not.
Sometimes hes really not that bad and can actually be very nice. When he is a bastard it is usually his excuse that he is in pain or worried about his future.
He has friends who have sent off for girlfriends in Russia and China. I think he would do that in a heartbeat and still may.

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