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#71010 - 04/20/05 11:19 PM Re: Step-Son
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I was also going to suggest a boys ranch or one of those wilderness ranches.

He isn't your obligation. He sounds scary to me. I'm with Unique, kick him out.

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#71011 - 04/21/05 02:04 AM Re: Step-Son
Mary20783 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 16
Loc: Florida
Diane, Unique, you are both so right. I am scared to death of him. I carry a scuba diving knife which cam cause some serious damage in my pocket all day in case he attacks me. I have a huge butcher knife on my night stand and one under the couch where I watch TV in what I call 'my room'. This room is where my desk,computer,radio etc that I use when my husband is at work. It is also the cat room, food, litter etc. It is my soliace and the boy knows this room and of course our bedroom is off limits.
My saving grace is he does work 10-3 everyday.
Unique, yes I do live in Florida and will try and check out the Boys Ranch that you have spoken of. I did a lot of reserach in the FLA gov't website and the programs that are offered there do not apply to us because he has not hurt us, or does drugs, drink, or been arrested.
Thank you both so much....It gives me that warm snugglie feeling to know that you two are taking your time to help me. Just having someone that I can spill my true feelings without holding back has been such a releif and blessing. You two have shown such friendship to a perfect stranger.
Thank you!
Mary

[ April 20, 2005, 07:07 PM: Message edited by: Mary20783 ]

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#71012 - 04/21/05 03:15 AM Re: Step-Son
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
It's my pleasure so don't thank me.

This is no way to live. It's your home. He needs help that you can't give him. Sad but true. You didn't create this monster and it isn't up to you to uncreate him.

Maybe you could take on a little sister in the Big Sister program instead.

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#71013 - 04/21/05 03:34 AM Re: Step-Son
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I am appalled to know that in your once happy home you feel forced to be armed. The question is if he did attack you would you be willing to use those weapons? Having them is one thing, using them is quite another. This boy sounds mentally unstable and could just snap for any reason. I agree with the women that say get him out of your home. What if its your husband he goes after? Life is too short and neither of you owes this young man anything, you have more than done your part and still he is unincorigable. Young men have killed entire fanilys, pets too, so do something NOW before you become a statistic. [Frown]

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#71014 - 04/21/05 03:55 AM Re: Step-Son
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
The thefts and all sounds like he might be using drugs. And drugs (both prescribed and illegal) can physiologically suppress the frontal lobe of the brain where certain immoral and illegal acts such as theft and even murder are controlled.
This boy sounds very dangerous to me. I would fear that he might somehow get the gun and use it on you or himself.
It might be time to get the legal system involved and make it a priority to get him out of your home and keep him out before he can cause more problems.
The Bible says we are to love others as we love Ourselves. There comes a time when we have to love ourselves enough to survive so we can love others.
Saying a prayer for your family.
smile

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#71015 - 04/21/05 10:20 PM Re: Step-Son
Mary20783 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 16
Loc: Florida
My husband doesn't think that the boy will do anything to physically to harm us, that I may be over reacting. The truth is we don't know if would or not. Yesterday was his first pay day and he spent all of his paycheck on himself instead of paying $25.00 a week that he originally agreed to and paying us back some of the monies we have spent on him. He also was suppose to send money back home for his debts. My husband has new guidelines to lay down with him on his first day off, Monday. I feel the boy is just a homeless person living in a room now. I am void of feelings for him. My fears have died down a bit, for now. We'll see what next week brings.
I am trying to think the saying Let Go...Let God.
Thank you for your support and prayers
Mary

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#71016 - 04/21/05 11:36 PM Re: Step-Son
unique Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 483
Loc: North Carolina
Mary, do you have a trusted friend, clergyman, mental health advocate or someone the 3 of you could sit down and talk with? Someone that could help him plan for his future. Does he even have any plans, or is he just 'existing'? So many people have dreams and goals but have no idea how to reach them. The 'disinterested' party can be a few different things if involved, safety for you, someone with ideas for him, another person to help hold the young man accountable to do what he says he wants to do. I would recommend clergy or a counselor - someone who has had experience with this type of situation. Of course, if the young man says, 'I wanna be a 'spongebob' all my life.' - you can say...'hey, you're outa here!' Good luck. Let us know how it's working out. Chatty took the words out of my mouth - - I don't want you to be a statistic!! People are just so unpredictable these days!

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#71017 - 04/22/05 04:09 AM Re: Step-Son
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I hate to say this but your husband is behaving like an ostrich with its head in the sand: No one thought the Mendez brothers would kill their parents you can ask them, ooops no their both dead. I can go on and on naming examples of kids that have killed Grandparents, Parents, Sibblings and all that heard about it were amazed. You dear lady have signs and they are jumping up and down screaming at you to do something NOW!! He isn't worth this. [Mad]

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#71018 - 04/23/05 07:14 AM Re: Step-Son
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Mary, I believe it's time to get a professional involved. Even if it's just for you to get guidance on what to do for him.

I appreciate your tender heart and reasoning for allowing him to come stay with you. But so often, tender hearts get broken because people take advantage of them.

I will pray for you, and I will also pray for him. This situation needs divine intervention.

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#71019 - 04/23/05 08:05 PM Re: Step-Son
chickadee Offline
Member

Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
Yes it is definately time to get a professional involved.

Your family meeting was the day before this young man got paid and he disregarded his responsibility to pay the rent or anything towards expenses. I would make sure you have ANY valuable keepsakes hidden, as he may retaliate against you if he decides to leave on his own and needs fast cash/quick cash items, jewelry etc.

If only you and your husband could convince him to get some counselling. You mentioned his biological parents weren't around for him. I guess he was disappointed when he found out one was on the street addict and another in jail/prison. He may be old enough to act right and know better, but I can only imagine some of his pain.

If he had been raised like you Mary, what a lucky young man he would be. It seems his trouble started the day he was born. He didn't have a chance. Parents, broken home, etc. He is probably lashing out because he feels he doesn't deserve the love you are trying to give him. It's something he's not used to yet. Did you consider sitting with him and talking about how you were both raised by others and talk about the similarities and differences. It is something you BOTH have in common. (A common link may be the connection to gain some trust in your genuine concern for him?)

It still doesn't give him a right to treat you and your husband this way. I have added all of you to my daily prayer list. Please keep us posted. May it turn out that you are this young man's new best friend.

chick

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