Daisy, I had an elderly man give me very good advice years ago. A woman puts more into a date than a man does. She will start believing there is more there than actually is. He said if we learned to relax and not think about the guy and go on as if we'd never met him, our lives would be better. I followed that advice while single and it worked for me. Stay strong and just love yourself.

I was so disconbobulated today that I went to see my counselor. She helped me to realize that it has been me who backed off from this relationship and not him. When I explained the details, which is too much to put in writing (and maybe too personal), I discovered that the ball was in my court and I just didn't return it. I put the big wall up.

I talked to him today and he asked me why I didn't return his call because he wanted to go out on Saturday. I apologized and explained that it seems I have post-traumatic-stress syndrome (per my shrink), from the horrible experience I had with my x - I have the same feelings although P hasn't done anything to deserve it. I'm expecting lies, abuse and more lies, but I have NO evidence that he would do so.

My counselor advised me to lay most of the cards on the table and be open about what is going on. I risked it and tried to be as honest as I could - I'm not going to tell EVERYTHING, you know.

I cannot imagine how messed up I would be if there had been physical abuse also.

We are okay at this point.

Daisygirl

Wonderful Daisygirl...just wonderful! I never knew this equation, so I didn't think in those directions....

I'm so happy you are back on track with love. You are so deserving!

JJ

So happy to hear you are feeling a little better about things Daisygirl...it's only natural to be a little cautious after all you have been through in the past...you did such a smart thing by talking to your counselor about everything...sometimes, the things that trouble us most when they stay locked up in our heads, have a way of disapating once we speak out about them to someone and get another perspective...Hang in there...

My counselor asks me some very difficult questions. I've learned that once I am aware of what my subconsious has been doing, it doesn't work anymore, but whatever my issue is, it will try to protect itself in some other way.

I'm not sure if I'm really in love but I would like to find out. I just hope that P will not give up on me.

Daisygirl

Daisy sometimes its just good to relax, don't analize the situation to death, take it slow, enjoy each new discovery and go with the flow. You can't blame this guy for what happened in the past, that isn't fair. Try to clear the slate in your mind and give him a new clean surface to doodle on, kapish????

I had no idea I could have something like post-traumatic stress syndrome because of my divorce. It was final 3 years ago! I suppose it didn't come out until now because I haven't dated anyone I really cared for until now. Love = Misery......that was what I've experienced so far in life.

I still have some of those bad feelings, but I refuse to allow them to affect my life like that any longer.

How wise of you to understand this fully and not give support to those feelings! How are things in the love department today? Still lovely I hope!

JJ

He is coming over this evening and I am going to talk to him about us. I am going to ask him to help me with my fear of intimacy by understanding I am struggling and working on growing, by just being himself and by not giving up on us. I read a few articles from the Cloud & Townsend website and learned that it is important to be honest and truthful about what I feel. Mature love does not happen without risk.

This is going to take some time, I think. I hope P will be willing to hang in there with me, but if he doesn't I'll move on.
Daisygirl

Daisygirl, I think Chatty's advise is very good. Although no one likes to be on pins and needles, nonchalance is best and relax and allow opportunities to occur naturally within the relationship. Perhaps you could talk to him "along the way" in the relationship, thus keeping him intrigued?