Ariadne, I am sorry this has happened to you.

If I could I would PM you but I disabled my PM capabilities more than two weeks ago so I can neither send or receive PM's.

I hope that you will not leave.

I guess we need to ask if a woman posts a question or her trials during a certain time, does she really want to hear the truth or just get a hug?

In my work with battered women, I can give them a hug but I also have to talk to them in truth or they could end up dead. And, most of them don't want to hear the truth because it will mean changing their lives.

So, it can become frustrating when you're trying to help a woman and she refuses to listen.

Ari, you said you were leaving this site but came back and I want to believe it's because you truly need and want to work through the fiasco with that man who hurt you so deeply. With that, comes working and listening to other women who have experienced the same thing. It can hurt at times but there can be pain in healing.

I've never felt threatened by Chatty or any other woman on this site. I also think PM's have played a big part in the problems here. It's really a form of gossip behind the scenes and I know for sure this is not what Dots wanted for this site.

I don't believe it to be a matter of asking outright if the woman wants the truth...do you not know what someone is looking for, by what they post...a hug is always a special touch.

Most know... when the person's spirit has dropped, when they need the dusting...a hug. Time presents itself for truth in a loving way...it's never beaten in...but, given in kind loving doses.

If, it at any point it becomes frustrating, we give "time out" to them and ourselves, so we don't say things that hurt... and do more harm than good.

Yes...it could prove to be frustrating, but if we try and make that person to do exactly as we want or say... it would be called control.

People change when they want to change, or sometimes not...it's always at their own pace.
I suppose it's decided by the patience you might process, or at what point your not willing to respond, because the person isn't moving forward. At that point...you've said it all...nothing else to add.

I'm glad you have not been threatened by anyone on this site...it's the way it should be.

But, unfortunately not everyone is feeling the same...sad. Otherwise, they would still be present, and adding their experience to the women who might come here with similar trails.

No, I do not feel Dotsie, wants for there to be gossip behind the scenes either...Pm's or otherwise.

Just my thoughts...

Ari,
Now, you are putting out negitive message out to everyone on this site . By telling Chatty to get a life . You started this tongne lasking with Chatty . You did not think Chatty was the Dear Abby of the forum. I think it is a compliment to her . Chatty is helpful person and you and others have attached her on purpose . You said she Alienates people . Well, don't you ? You avoid her on the threads. Aren't you guilty of that yourself.

I like Chatty . Dianne , I agree with you about the PM's .

I believe the purpose of the PM's is to discuss personal things that you don't won't everyone to know about, just a woman you feel you can trust.
I also utilize it when I sense someone needs to feel special or needs personal attention.
I have never seen them as a way to gossip.

I use PM's occasionally when I'm thinking of someone, and they haven't been on the site for awhile. I PM'ed mammajude a couple of weeks ago to find out how the job hunting was going for her husband, and to see how she was doing...no gossip.

How would it feel... to ask for your PM's to be disabled.... because others say you are using it for gossip?
Takes a lot of work to be a master mind.

If, your guilty of speading gossip...you know it.

Ari...left the site.

Sorry to hear about Ari - we all have to find a place where we feel comfortable to be oursleves.

Speaking of gossip - at our very first Bible fellowship, the leader told us something funny (knowing we aare women and we tend to get off subject and speak about people and personal stuff). She said " Secular women gossip, Christian women "share"...She meant it's basically the same thing no matter what you want to call it and you can't "Christianize" gossip.

That is so true.

I disengaged my PM because I was receiving some behind the scenes petty gossip and didn't want to be a part of it.

I also used it to encourage others until this started so if you didn't get those PM's, consider yourself lucky.

I just caught up with this thread and I wonder if PM-ing should be discontinued? I think if everyone can read what is said it will cause all of us to think more carefully about what we say. (Chatty, I read your remarks knowing just what you were trying to get across, but I am an uninvolved party. For whatever it's worth, you were right, in my opinion.)

Communicating on the computer is a little tricky in that the reader can't see the facial expressions or body language of the "speaker", nor can the reader hear inflections of tone. These things can really make a big difference in meaning. Or in interpretation of meaning. I've had people misinterpret things I've said in e-mails, and it's really hard to talk them into accepting what you meant!

Just my thoughts. You all mean so much to me, and this is such a good way to broaden our minds and accept differing view points. Let's not spoil it!