Ari, perhaps you have enough closure now to carry on without him.

I just want to mention that I think you sell yourself short. After reading most of your threads you seem as though you are a very loving, thoughtful, woman who practices self-control. You are kind and caring. Why couldn't you meet your soul mate at this time in your life? Just wondering. Believe in yourself! We believe in you...

I think you are right, Dotsie, about the closure.
It really DOES feel like closure!

And as far as meeting men, I'm not interested at this time of my life for some reason. I'm content, and it occurred to me this morning as I was tidying my house, that I wouldn't want a man in my space, no matter how loving I felt toward him.

I was dreading this last visit with the old flame because I knew it would dredge up emotions in me. It did!, but I know I did the right thing.

ARI

Ari, I've been tempted by married men a couple of times. One time the married gent I refused to date got back with his wife. I saw them together about a month later. I knew them because their son went to hs with mine and played sports. I was so pleased! It's not an easy thing to do, because we have to go home to our lonely life with no one there to pat us on the back for doing the right thing.

I believe that marriage is a sacred thing and I would not want to be a party to one ending. And I think if we are sympathetic to these men who are out looking for someone else, it's encouraging them to stray. If we keep our principles, like you did, maybe it would save a marriage. The men would also learn that we women are not desperate and willing to accept any little tidbit they have left to give.

Daisygirl

Thanks, Daisy,

First of all, this man is NOT going to leave his wife, and stated that they would be together until death. Acknowledging that, I realized I could settle for a "little tidbit" which would result in heartache. I've lost my taste for heartache! LOL! As Chatty has said, "My God, woman, do you have to have a building fall on your head?" Not any more.
Thanks all,
ARI

Well shut my mouth Ari, you did pay attention to what I said to you, good for you. It is such a shame for we single women out here that these jerks (yes and they are too) prey on what they consider poor helpless, needy women and say whatever they think we need to hear to weaken our resolve so we'll give them the green light to pass goal and collect the $200. dollars of our body....They don't care that they never meant a word they said and will go home to their families leaving misery behind to keep us company, never look back or give a dam until they are in town the next time and want some more of the same....Ari any woman that messes with a married man is a whore, plain and simply. These married cheaters aren't worth the wind it would take to blow them to hell, steer clear, stay focused and free from guilt and heartache...Hugs

Yes, we can count on Chatty to tell it like it is! not mincing words! I do appreciate it too, Chatty! Hey, your "building falling on my head" is a mantra of mine now!
About the forum here, I just want to say I'm grateful to have found the company of strong women who respond with compassion and intelligence. Very empowering and inspiring!
ARI

Ariadne54:

I rather understand your feelings, I too, have been attracted to unavailable men. This man is married, please seek other counsel or interests to occupy the time wasted on such men. They are not worth it, but you are!

"but you are!" Love it.

I think if we're attracted to men who are not available, it might be a way of never allowing a relationship to go to another stage. It can't because he's married. Might be a mental stop sign in a way...one of safety.

Safety for who Dianne? Lets break it down, not safe for the women with her sites on the married man, she can only feel used an abused eventually. Not safe for the wife who's in the dark and can't understand the change in her husband attitude towards her. Not even safe for the jerk cheater, he always has to fear the first two coming together...A married man or woman needs to be "off limits" to anyone other than their spouse....