MustangGal, how about NYC on October 2nd and 3rd? Are you up for that? BWS has been invited to be in the outside audience with weatherman Dave Price on the CBS Early Morning show on the 3rd at 7:00 AM. Want to join us? It's not exactly a retreat, but it is a girl's-get-away.

WW, dating just sucks. Next week I'm going out with a guy I dated last year. We broke up because I do not like sports and he's a sports freak. But I guess I'm going out with him again, because he's heads above anyone else I've met lately. He is a gentleman, his kids are grown and drug free, he has his own business, is very responsible and is generous. But he is pretty negative about things and critical and he actually expected me to attend 6th grade basketball games.....UGH! Am I too picky?

Daisygirl

Thank you Dotsie! Such a sweet offer, I'd love to see New York! Yet, I'm committed to a breast cancer event and walk that weekend. Keep me posted of upcoming events and I'll be certain to catch you gals!

I don't think "picky" is the right word. There is NOTHING wrong with being "selective" and not settling for less than what will make you happy.

Just because you date somebody doesn't mean you're tied to them forever. As I was reminded recently by another on-line friend, there is nothing wrong with having somebody to go out to dinner with, or to some other activity with, when we know they are not "the one."

I don't like sports either and haven't been to or watched on tv any sort of game since my ex moved out. But, if the guy is going to watch his 6th grade son play ball, that's just a part of being a good dad. Actually I'd think less of him if he didn't do that. If you really don't want to go, don't go. Unless you're in a committed relationship or are really crazy about the guy, I don't think you're out of bounds by saying no to that activity. I'll bet he'd have no problem at all telling you "no" if you asked him to do something "he" didn't want to do, so don't feel guilty about it.

I'd have a much harder time dealing with the "negative and critical" things. The older I get the less tolerant I am of that sort of attitude. Only you can decide if you can put up with it every now and then.

Have you ever talked to him about that? He "may" not realize he comes across that way... Just a thought.

Hang in there. And have fun on your date, that's the whole purpose of going!

Whirlwind

WW, all his kids are grown, he coaches these boys and none of them are his. He coaches 2 teams, one of them travels all over the U.S.

Well, if we would start dating again, I'm sure he learned not to push, smother,or manipulate me. We'll just have to see what happens.

Daisygirl

Daisygirl: Sorry, I missed the "his kids are grown" part.

Ugh. Going to games just because he is coaching? I see what you mean. Unless you were friends with an assistant coach's wife or something, I can't think of much else that would be more boring.

Going every now and then might not be too bad, but I could never do that on a regular basis again. I say "again" because I spent several entire summers following my ex around to play softball and soccer. He was on two teams. Both played and practiced every week. We worked in the same place and only owned one car at the time, so every day after work we'd head to one ballfield or the other. Looking back I still wonder why I did that for so long. Live and learn I guess (older/wiser and all that stuff). LOL...

Whirlwind

Yes, my ex and my son are sports freaks also. Some vacations we visited empty stadiums - I am just burnt out on it all and have no desire to see anymore games. However, when my grandson starts playing something, you won't be able to drag me away from the ballpark.

Yes, I wouldn't mind going occasionally to a game, but last year he asked me to put a weekend a month for 3 months on my calendar to help with his tournaments. NOT! I think that is something a wife would do, not someone he's dating.

Anyway, I guess I'm giving it another try to see if we could possibly date without so many expectations.

Daisygirl

Daisygirl,
I think you are so right to have expectations of your own. I too dated someone that practically insisted we "run" with his crowd of friends every single weekend. He lived in my hometown, so I would travel home, (because my Mom/Dad still lived there) and we would date on the weekends. Always surrounded by his friends, always talking about their kids and "the game" that week and not once did he say, "hey, is there something else you would like to do this weekend?" I tried suggesting things but soon realized he was disappointed in anything else we did, like movies/dinner. If we went out to eat, these people would mysteriously show up at the same place we were dining. Hello? I'm talking two-three couples and about 8-10 kids. As it came time for school to start back and football season, he even started talking about how I would fit in working in the concession stand at the high school. Huh? Not to me directly, but in front of me. I would look at him like he had certainly lost his mind! He never caught on, not until I told him AND HIS FRIENDS in no uncertain terms that I don't DO football, and I wasn't spending every Friday night working some school's concession stand.

He was tickled to death we were dating and was dumbfounded when I said, "you know, this isn't working for me." I explained as best I could, and he said things would change, but I knew he wouldn't be happy doing so, and I felt it should have been obvious. If he can't see I was bored out of my mind, then he wasn't paying attention to the right person if you ask me.

Oh and did I mention that one of these women in the group was constantly flirting with him? Very uncomfortable for me.

Anyway, he was a super guy and had some qualities I loved dearly, but I think he was looking for a sport's mamma.

I say you have the right idea! One doesn't have to be 100% compatible, that would mean they were perfect and who is? But give and take plays a major part. If this guy had said to me, "you know, I realize you don't like football, so how about I do this on Friday, and you and I can go out on Sat?" I would still be there. No joke. But...he was clueless.

Not only that, but he did a terrible impression of the 3-stooges at a dinner one night. Oh good Lord. When he did that, he didn't know it, but he was history.

JJ

JJ, I said the exact same words, "this relationship isn't working out for me." I didn't date him long enough to see what it would've been like with his friends, but I have a strong feeling it would've been similar to your relationship.

He was willing to take me to places I liked, but I could tell he just didn't enjoy it. He never watched anything but sports, no movies, no music, no news, just sports, sports, sports.

I think a lot of men use sports as a way of distancing themselves from relationships.

Daisygirl

You said:

I think a lot of men use sports as a way of distancing themselves from relationships.

I'll add:

A lot of them live the dream they never were able to fulfill by watching sports. They are armchair atheletics. What they maybe didn't get to do in their younger years, they get to do by watching, coaching, etc...

I've also known some men who coached simply because it was the ONLY thing they could be in charge of! ha!

Anyway, we are probably both right, eh?

JJ