I love this site. My brain is overloaded with all the talk that sounds just like my marriage. But.....I've been married for 41 years, and I've done everything you all have done. Went to marriage counseling x3. Didn't work. We got out of it that we don't love each other and never did. It was for me to get out of the house(18 yrs old)and he was lonely(21 yrs old) Now, I've learned that I kept my mouth shut because I thought he knew what I was going thru, and he's turned into a very selfish man. Why do I stay? I don't know. I have gone thru the "why didn't I get out of this marriage earlier thing." And the "I sure wasted my life." But, not really. I have two beautiful daughters(40 and 36) and four beautiful grandsons. I consider them as my reward to staying in this marriage. Do I get out after 41 years? I have an attorney, and a Financial Advisor. I've logged in on the Divorce site, and the new member site, but this one seems to be the right one! Even my daughters think I should get out of the marriage, but........I'm CHICKEN!

Well if you are both saying that you don't love each other and never did, it seems like you should at least seperate, and see how it goes.

Change is very scary so I understand your feelings. Give it time and listen to the atty and advisor. Protect yourself in every way. You'll do what's right for you.

LSMITH, you mentioned you are CHICKEN. Please tell us what you are afraid of. That might help.

Can anyone tell me how to change it so That I don't get an Email everytime some responds to this topic?


Thanks all

I am not Dotsie , but I can tell you to do that not to get notifcations on this subject all the time . Go to the botton of the reply and you will see "Full Reply " and click on that continue down and you will see "Options" If you have clicked on Email Notifcation the just put you mouse on the box on uncheck it and you will not recieve anymore notifcations on this subject and hope that this works. If not there is another way.

Let me know.

thank you I tried it........ if it works I will let you know

I had a very sheltered life. I married at 18 and have never been alone. I've battled breast cancer and Melanoma, and had to wait another six times through out the years to find out if the cancer had returned. Just found out the good news on a bone scan last week. I'm sure many of the ladies out there know what I'm talking about when I say it's not fun waiting for the answer. I really can't explain why I'm chicken except the fact I don't want to be alone. BUT.......my husband retired from the State of Washington and two months later went back to work. In this State you can work for the State for so many months and still receive retirement pay and be paid while working. It pays for the medical, which I need desparately! My husband is on the road all the time, and then he travels up to our second home on the Skagit River three hours North of here and stays there all the time. During the summer I very rarely see him. So, don't ask me why I'm afraid to be alone, because he's never here. Then there is the money factor. I'm used to a very comfortable life style, and I know it sounds very vain, but I don't want to lose that. I'm told if I want to be happy, I'd better think about just getting out. One thing I'd really like to do is a trial separation, but I just don't know how he will react to all this. Not matter what we are talking about, it seems like we end up arguing, and he turns the discussion around to where it's all my fault. We could be discussing the weather and it would be my fault if it started to rain. I have total support of my daughters, but it just plain hard to think about being on my own after 41 years and never being on my own before I was married. Sorry about the rambling, but just don't know how to explain my feeling. It's tuff!

Sometimes I think when you have so many yrs invested in the marriage, emotionally, financially, etc. why get out. If he rarely is home you have time to find out what interests you have or to try something new...take a class, find a hobby, do volunteer work. It is easy for your daughters to tell you to leave but they are younger and not in your shoes, I have felt the same way at times but not to the degree that you are experiencing.

Beachlady
Are you reading my mind? I feel I've invested so much of my life to this marriage, and I don't want to give up. I'm pretty sure when he does decide to retire he will move to "his" place north of here, and I will be left alone. BUT.....the money problem is the BIG thing! I've been told all thru our marriage that he's earned the money, it's his to spend it the way he wants, and I have nothing to say about it. Example: our oldest daughter went thru bankruptcy. Is married(13 yrs) two sons. They bought a new home, my husband gave them money to help setttle the buying of the home, then he helped remodel the home. Sorry....this was a new home to my daughter and her family. My husband has constantly helped my oldest daughter out of every money matter that she has gotten in to trouble with. She's 40 years old for pitty's sake and needs to grow up!!! I asked him not to give her any more money, and that's when I got a look that would kill and was told "I earn the money, and I can do with it whatever I please." That's when I went to an Attorney. I know the solution to my problem is to sit down with him and talk it out, BUT......it always get turned around to it being all my fault. We have been to marriage counceling X3, and it didn't work.....any advice Beachlady, or anyone else? Oh, I forgot. I put my husband thru college, worked for 30 years, became ill and have not worked for 5 years. According to him I haven't contributed to the marriage, our home, nothing. I've always wondered where I was if I didn't contribute to something?????
Lynne