Nikita, you are in my prayers. When my hubby and I had problems we went to two different cousolors and neither one could help. In essence they said we werent ment to merry because we were no longer traveling the same path. Not sure how or why it happened, we were just better apart then we were together. Now Im sure our problems are different, but I just want to say, Take care of YOU and may you find peace.

Debi

I compare marriage to strawberry shortcake! You can put all the icecream, strawberries and whipped cream you want on top -- but if the cake is bad -- it won't taste so good...

Test the "cake" of your marriage and find out if it is solid and fresh and good. If it is, you may just have some rotten strawberries on it that can be plucked off and thrown away.

That being said, trust is one of the ingredients in the cake -- so perhaps some real soul searching needs to happen on both sides. I hope this works out for you (either way).

Thank you ladies!

Just finally releasing this all has helped me so much. The couseling was such a good idea. Presently, I'm working on "assessing my marriage."
It's going pretty well. I feel better about myself and feel stronger. I am going to work at making this a better marriage. I think communication is really important, it took me over a year to come out and talk about this. I now know what kind of marriage I want and I have expectations...let's just see what he thinks!

ATTENTION ladies....This Monday night the 23rd. of May there is a program on at 8:00 PM Pacific time called:

CYBERSEDUCTION

all about men that cheat on the internet and looks like a real rip snorter. Check your local listimgs for times in your area.

Nikita,

Ugh. Reading your original post made my stomach hurt. I'm sorry this happened to you. My personal experience is that once the trust level has been fractured, it's hard to go back without some major help. I agree with whoever suggested counseling. If he won't go with you, go for yourself.

Best regards,
Kelly

Attention: The program called CyberSeduction isn't on until June 20th, sorry got my dates confused.....

I too have an internet situation. We've had problems since before we were married, so I have only myself to blame. On the surface we have a great relationship and I can't really say that I think he has actually ever physically cheated on me, since we are usually always together, but he does seem to have some need or addiction to have connections with other women. It's been as bad a hooking up with someone he met on the internet (within one month of chatting with her - I don't think they had sex) to flirting with young girls at work. One really bad time was when he was out of work for two years and instead of looking for a job was posing on a forum as a GIRL! It was so werid, because he wasn't being sexual, just friendly. He had a whole history for her and even announced "her" engagment!! Why I stayed after that I am still wondering. But now, again, I have found that he is emailing another women he met on the net. This one is married and "just a friend" and he gives me the line that they have no intention of taking it any further - he says she "gets him" and is "easy to get along with" and they have "no secrets". Which makes me sick to my stomach and to me is one quick step away from saying "My wife doesn't understand me". He won't tell me anything else, like her name or where she lives or let me see their emails, so it can't be all that innocent.

Anyway, anytime I have ever confronted him about these situations, he blows his stack and accuses me of snooping and not trusting him and says he must have his privacy and why do I want to mess things up since our relationship is so GREAT!!He has that mentality that what I don't know, won't hurt me so I am causing the problem by snooping. And again, on the surface our life is pretty great! but sometimes I have I felt he was distracted...especially this last time...It is definitely true that any effort spent away from your relationship is cheating...I have thought of finding an on-line friend myself..but I'm too busy working and being a good wife!!!

My recommendation is never take back someone who has cheated on you in any way. I feel stuck and stupid, but I don't think I could handle divorce, it would be my second. So I try to pretend he isn't continuing to so somehting that I hurts me so much. I really need help.