I'm having a terrible time aging.

I'm 48 1/2, never had kids, married a man with adult kids whom we have never spent Christmas with (in 10 years), deathly afraid of DH dying before me and being alone, have no health insurance, all my family lives far, far away, etc. I'm tired and lonely, too. Yes, I belong to a couple of clubs but.

Why does the "world" have to put so much emphasis on "families" during Christmas and Thanksgiving time. All I hear is "kids this", "kids that", "home for Christmas". We have NO kids and NO home for Christmas. I have not decorated for 10 years........well, maybe 9. But that's it.

My face is wrinkling, my hair is graying, my eyelids are droopy, I have a hobby/job that I do at home but it's just not "enough". I have trouble focusing on a job so I do NOT want to work "out there".

Now, for the bright side: I can probably work part time, I have freedom to work at home, I have a DH who puts up with my HRT "experimenting" of being on again/off again with the pills, we have five WONDERFUL doggies without whom I do not know if I could be happier.

So, that is my whine.

Di, who says it's not enough? You, or others? If you don't think it's enough, you can change that. I know it's not easy. I am 46, I got lots of kids, my face is wrinkling, my hair is graying, everything is droopy, I haven't worked outside of my house in over 24 years. I still feel like it's not enough for me. But that's something I have to change. If others are telling you it's not enough, then too bad for them. You make your life, they don't, right?
And this is a great place to whine, isn't it? We've all had our turns at being Queen of Whine Country....

Thanks. I say it's not what I want BUT I do not KNOW what I want. It's the WORLDly ways that get to me. Then, it's stuck in your face constantly. Alone, lonely, no kids, yada, yada, yada.

(love your signature......that is appropriate for this message. I should compare what I do/don't have to His promises)

Di I say the same thing!! I feel like I want to do something or accomplish soemthing but don't have a clue as to what it is.

That line is from a song called Shout to the Lord... although I changed the last word from you, to Him (the song is addressing the Lord). It is one of my favorite praise songs.

I know that song well.

Ya know, I was thinking today that I love doing laundry so much I should work in a place where people bring their dirty clothes and I can wash them! I'd love it!

Di, if you haven't decorated your house for Christmas why not do a little this year? It might brighten your spirits.

Do you know any old folks or others who will be alone at the holidays? Why not ask them to dinner? Everybody wins on that one.

I've been a stay at home mom for 20 years. I like it. I'm 54 and my "kids" are 18 and 20 so Christmas really isn't the same as when they were little for us either.

Christmas isn't just for kids or families with kids, it's for all of us to enjoy.

Well, Di, I think you're on to something there!

You did say you love doing laundry, right?? I've never heard anyone say that...

Di now you've hit the nail right on the head. You like doing laundry so why not put a small ad in your local shopper that you "wash, fluff and fold" laundry and see what happens, have them drop it off and pick it up, cash only, no checks... Now if you iron thats a plus....So far as not having any kids, sweetheart the holidays have centered around the children for as long as there were holidays. It may be insensitive to those without any but thats just the way it is, sad but true. Now what is this about only two not being a family, bolderdash and pish tosh, one alone can be a family and thats the truth. Your home needs to be adorned for the holidays because you count and it will make you feel happier, your home will feel the love too, LOL. Bake some cookies, get the place smelling like Christmas and enjoy yourself and your spouse. Your afraid of him going before you so make the most of the time you do have together, you can do that even though none of has control of who goes or when. Stop wasting your life worrying ang pouting and get off your kiester and enjoy life while you can, God woman 48 is so young, wish I was 48 again. Fun and happiness is contagious and maybe people will want to come around more. Have happy holidays, my prayers are that you do....you deserve to.

[ November 23, 2005, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

No one says it like the Chatty Lady!

Di, too bad you don't live closer to me, I hate laundry.

Daisygirl

I do 15 - 20 loads a week!! If someone paid me, I'd be rolling in the dough...

Well, finally I may have found the right forum. I've posted a few in different topic areas and didn't get as many responses as I thought I would've. Couldn't believe my whinings or problems were unique. And thought that this would be a place to get the support I need.
Yeah, my life is so much the same as others and yet at times I feel so different. I think that we're constantly comparing ourselves and our situations to the ones we think are better. Making us feel less about ourselves. Though I know things can be worse, they can also be greater. And people are not sensitive to your issues. It gives them a platform to elevate their own lives.

You are right, scorpio......

quote:

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It gives them a platform to elevate their own lives.

---

. I've also heard this after someone finding out about my childlessness: "oh, I don't KNOW what I would do without MY kids". BOING!! Talk about a punch in the stomach.

Di.. you spoke of feeling 'alone and lonely'...
Long ago, i read these words ..

"In everyone's heart
stirs a great homesickness".

I've always remembered those words, because they descriped that loneliness which seemed to be always deep inside somewhere, which may be the same as your describing. Now i accept the feeling as a treasure, because, i 've come to believe (rightly or wrongly) that it is a faint memory or hidden knowledge of where we each came from ... because so many have seemed to understand it, and how it goes when we're somehow involved with those we care about.

I dont know if that helps or not, but wanted to share it.

Di, this probably won't help you at all, but when someone gets onto the pity train because I don't have children, I just pipe up cheerfully, "No, but I have a lot of cactus!" Boy, does that shut them up in a hurry!

Decorate, decorate, and decorate! It's YOUR home, and if lack of decorations make it feel less like Christmas, then decorate to the rafters!

For most of my life I ignored Christmas because it's not my religion, but for the past few years I've "adopted" poor families or children and bought them gifts, because I know how much the holiday means to them. You can "adopt" a poor family, a child with no family, seniors whose families don't visit, or someone in a hospital or nursing home. You can buy them gifts or bake cookies or visit them. They will not care about your gray hair. They will just be so happy that you thought of them for the holidays.

When someone tells me they don't have kids, I ask them if they'd like to rent mine for a while!

Home is where the heart is. Whatever your heart wants, that's your home.

Strange but I was going to post about being afraid of losing my husband. Is it an age thing? He's 60 and I'm 58. He told me last week that he was afraid of the same thing.

You might consider adopting a battered woman and her children for Christmas. I do this and it's always done in secret. Just something to bring beauty and love into their lives.

Dianne,

That is tooo funny! I'm available to rent/lend mine out also!

What a great idea about adopting a battered woman...I WILL look into that!

Can you imagine what the world would be like, if each of us just reached out to one person in need.

See, this is one way I CAN do what you mentioned in the nabbw forums to share my passion with a battered woman.

TKS!

D.

Our church does this every year. They have an item listed on an ornament on a Christmas tree in church. The items needed are suggested by our Community Care organization. You pick off an ornament and buy the item the family is in need of. The gift is to be wrapped and the ornament with the item listed is then taped to the outside of the gift. Our men's club then delivers them back to Community Care who then distributes them to the needy families.

That's how it's done at my gym, only the recipients can ask for the gift they'd like. We can read their requests and choose the one we want to buy for.

It's a great idea isn't it, no matter how it's done?

I'm really sad to hear that another woman would be so insensitive to you Di.

I think I'd try to stay away from people like this.

Since my husband and I didn't have children until our almost tenth year of marriage I heard a lot of stupid and insensitve comments too.

My own cousin told me if I didn't have children I'd be "afflicted." With what I don't know. If anyone was "afflicted" it was her and I sure won't go into her messy life.

Don't forget Di, at this age our hormones wreak havoc on our emotions and I think with some of us it's worse around the holidays.

Just get into the spirit and as we are all saying, get your home decorated. Not only get a real tree (or a nice fake one) I like to put several pots of poinsettias all around the hearth in front of the fireplace too. Just go with it and have fun!

[ November 27, 2005, 06:23 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]