I just have to unload with a huge whine. And I am asking for prayer too. I am so sick of pain and I'm still having it. I can't take much more of this.
I thought the surgery was going to help and it did for a while until the femoral block wore off. I thouhgt it was just the post surgery pain. But I'm back to the nerve pain again. It's like a filling on a nerve. Just drives you insane. The pain pills help, but don't entirely relieve it. I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow. Maybe it's the cast.
I've been tough for twenty years and I don't want to upset those who love me, but it's just more than I can take. Sometimes I just have to cry quietly.
smile

oh smile...this makes me so sad. Please let us know how you do at the doctors. I'm praying your pain can be relieved soon. Did they make any promises about the pain going away before they did surgery?

Smile,
Hope the doctor can help you tomorrow. Your on my prayer list.
Maggie

Thanks for the prayers. You guys are the BEST.
I went to the doctor this morning and got the cast cut off. Had to fight with them again, but I'm felling much better now. Fighting was probably therapeutic. Didn't bother me this time at all. I'm getting meaner by the day.

Dots, they didn't promise the pain would be relieved, but the leg bone at the point where it joins the ankle was about three times the normal size and was rubbing bone to bone against an ankle bone. Apparently it did not heal correctly from the accident. In surgery the doctor discovered that one of the tendons was twisted. Hopefully straightening the tendon will help with the pain though there are no guarantees and prayer is still the best treatment for just about anything.

Sorry for the whine. I'm fine now. Thankful for a place to whine and for boomer prayers. I'm pretty sure God has boomers on the Hot Line.
smile

You deserve to whine as much as anyone in here. My heart goes out to you, dealing with all that pain.

I just sent full minute of prayer, and will be redoing throughout the day.

Thanks to all you wonderful women for listening, the good thoughts, and most of all the prayers.
I am much better tonight with a new cast. Still some pain, but nothing unbearable. Gee I hope this surgery ends the pain.
I keep remembering that physical pain ends never to be recalled. Those who experience emotional pain and loss hurt not only at the time, but for years.
smile

Smile, It is just like you to think of others in worse pain than you.

I am so sorry for your bone pain. I know what that is because that is what John had been going through. Hard to watch also.

My prayers are with you and you whine as much as you need becuase as far as I can tell, you are way behind on the whining. You give so much to others that it will now come back to you.

I know you don't like to take the drugs but at least if will take the edge off the pain until the nerves settle down and the inflammation goes down.

Has the doc put you on steroids for inflammation?

Keep us posted.

Lynn

Lynn, I am so sorry for John's pain. I have been so intent on praying for his surival, I forgot to pray for his well being. I will definitely remember his pain in my prayers from now on.

I view pain as the enemy and whining reveals my weakest points. Also it draws those around you into the pain which only breaks their heart.
Not recognizing it is the best way I have found to conquer pain. If I can find something to enjoy or be excited about, I can almost always, at least for a moment, triumph over pain.
Sometimes though, especially late at night, you have to cry out and it's a great blessing to have a safe place to do it without rejection.
Also, I think everyone has a degree of pain in their life and I have so much to be thankful for that it is selfish to whine.
smile

P.S. I have had a lot of steroids and they really help. But they affect my thinking. Somehow suicide becomes such a reasonable solution, even for small problems.
A very strong friend with no previous emotional problems killed himself a couple of years ago while being treated with steroids. I am afraid of them. I would rather endure the physical pain than contend with the impaired thinking. (Most people do not have the type reaction that I, my friend, and several athletes have experienced, but it is good to be aware of them. I believe the possibility of a serious reactions incease with repeated use and since I've had one bad reaction (No attempts, but definite suicidal thoughts) I am afraid of them.)

[ January 01, 2005, 06:14 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Smile, it must have been the drugs because you are the last person I would think might have suicidal thoughts. Good for you to recognize what the cause was and continue to say no.

Keeping busy and trying in some small way to reach out to others is often the only way to get our mind off ourselves when living in pain.

I do believe there comes a time after living with pain too long that it might be good to give in to an anti-depressant. It's not good to get so far down that you have a hard time getting back up again. When most medications are prescribed appropriately they can help us.

Smile, remember this is only a stage in your life. This too shall pass. Until, feel free to come and whine with us.

Thank you Dotsie. The suicidal thoughts were accompanied by strange out of body experiences. I could "see" myself doing things from outside my body. I was young and it was terrifying. But it made me know that something was wrong. Thankfully my doctor was a wise older guy who had another patient who had similar experiences and he took me off the steroids immediately. Soon thereafter my mind cleared. (Improved brain testing is now showing physiological basis for changes in mental outlook in some people as a result of taking steroids.)

You are so right about keeping busy. Seems to me that it's the cure for a lot of things. And helping others is beneficial, not only spiritually and mentally, but physically. It certainly seems to relieve pain.

I periodically experieince depression as a result of being in this cast, confined to the house with one leg up in the air--Oh lordy, not a pretty sight--and so inactive.
I didn't really understand what I was getting myself into. But I know this is situational and when the situation changes, so will my outlook (A little whining helps too:)).
I really believe that anti-depressants are great for clinical depression, but they have too many side effects (One of which is suicidal/homicidal thoughts) for situational depression.

I'm not kinky or anything, but I wonder if I have become too well adapted to pain. When the surgeon said he could possibly relieve my arthritis (which is not all that bad anyway), it almost felt like I was losing a friend. I know that's nuts, but it's true. Even when I was young, I figured everyone lives with some degree of pain and I just made friends with it.
In many ways it helped me. I learned early that smiling, working, and doing things for others actually relieves pain. The challenge of it inspired me in some weird way too. Only recently, it became unbearable. But it's better today and I will find my way past it. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to. Like you said, this is just a stage. And like about everything in life, it's temporary.

Thanks for reminding me of that. How on earth would I ever cope without this site??
smile
Now if only I can keep from gaining a hundred pounds. Dan is doing most of the cooking and he's has no concept of calories. But...

Dear Smile,

Hang in there, we are all praying for you.

Sherri

Smile, so sorry to hear of your pain. Having gone thru my first medical issues with a lot of pain, i so much sympathsize and emphasize with those who are in constant pain. It can just overwhelm your life. I too have learned to live with some pain and pretty soon it just becomes normal..like my dad always said, if your arm is hurting,drop a hammer on your toe, your toe will hurt so much you won't feel the pain in your arm!! So I try to focus on something else and that helps to forget about the pain. And hopefully you will see light at the end of the tunnel - when you are all healed and casts are gone so goes the pain!

smile, I'm looking for an update from you.

I can totally relate to the reality of your surgery sinking in after the fact.

I tore my ACL a few years ago. My doctor had a great attitude. He told me I was young(God love him) and in good shape. He thought I'd breeze right through the physical therapy.

Well let me tell you...I followed suit with his optimistic attitude. Ah surgery...no biggie. I wouldn't even be awake for it. What's a night in the hospital? Blah, blah, blah!

It wasn't until a few days after the surgery when I was trying to figure out how to pick my injured leg up and get out of bed to go to the bathroom that I thought...maybe this is a bigger deal than I thought!

I kept my upbeat attitude and winced my way through physical therapy with the nicest PT ever. I even tried laughing with him when he layed me flat on my stomach, my bum leg hanging off the table with sand bags on it to straighten it out for the first time since surgery. I laughed through tears of pain. Thankfully the PT had a great attitude!

I pray you are surrounded by loved ones who can build you up for the next few weeks or months. Bless you smile until it's your turn to help others again. That time will come! Revel in the time that others can care for you!

Thank you Dotsie. I know what you mean when you describe the difficulty of just getting that leg off the bed to go to the bathroom. It's a fifteen minute trip one way.
Lordy was it this much trouble before? Probably not. I was almost 20 yrs younger and lots thinner.
I'm laying around most of the time with my leg elevated above my heart to avoid swelling. Just getting up on one leg is an chore. Then hopping around on one leg with crutches or a walker is a whole other project. The wheelchair hurts with the leg elevated so I don't use it much. Have been through four casts already. Two were too tight and drove me nuts.

But if there's a silver lining, it's Dan. He's the best looking nurse I've ever had! And he gives a mean bedbath. (Actually I never really needed a bedbath, but sometimes I fake it just for fun.
smile

smile, how about an update on YOU?

Well, the best part is that I am gradually experiencing less swelling and less pain though I am still concerned about ever being able to walk without pain. And I fear that I will gain weight from immobility. With Dan still doing most of the cooking boy do I ever need some boomer prayer for not eating too much. (BTW it's almost impossible to cook or anything else while balancing yourself on one leg)

The doctor is apparently gradually aligning my ankle with the casts and I'm in my fifth cast now. This one only hurt the first day. Amen!
I have three more months to go and I am FRUSTRATED by the immobility, but I'm painting a nice painting editing a poertry book, and doing some press releases for an upcoming book fest.

So many people have been so nice. I thought I learned that during the numerous times before when I was confined to casts and beds, but maybe I needed to learn it again.

Thank you Dotsie and all for your concern and your prayers. This is a great place with great folks. Helps me get through one boring day after the other. Only three months to go and I get a walking cast in two months. Yippee!
smile

Hi Sweetie, so happy to hear you are on the mend and not experiencing so much pain. Now, I saw on TV that Richard Simmons the Diet Guru has a tape out of exercises for people in wheelchairs or in bed. It looks interesting and is suppose to be some kind of exercise breakthrough. Its on sale now supposedly everywhere. It might help, any movement is better than no movement at all they say. Whoever they are, he he!!

smile, you're peaceful activities sound dellightful. When was the last time you painted? What a reat way spend time healing.

I remember being on crutches for a few months when my kids were young. Making dinner and doing laundry were the biggest challenges. You can't carry anything when you're crutching.

Can you drive? The doctor told me I couldn't because it was my right leg. He went so far as to say that if I got pulled over, he would tell them I shouldn't have been driving. I drove anyway.

I know what you mean about not being able to carry anything on crutches. And just getting upp off the couch and across the room to pick something up is a major journey.
My doctor doesn't want me driving yet because of the swelling which is worse if my foot is below my heart. So I'm stuck here til the next time I see him (week from Monday). I'm trying to do everything he says. I want so much for this to work.
Thanks to Chatty for the Simmons idea and all for your sweet concern.
smile

Hey Smil...I heard using crutches makes your boobs firmer. Maybe there is a silver lining to this dark cloud? I think mine are beyond help. I can drop kick them through the goal post of life and back again.

Hey smile,

Didn't I read somewhere that you liked /played poker as a pasttime as a child or something along those lines??? Go to partypoker.com and sign up. Play with their play money and get into a tournament and have some fun. It will help kill some time for you while you are laid back. I am not promoting their site, I am thinking about your idle time and how you could possibly fill it.Hope this helps.
If you decide to do this, I can always join you in a game or two.
Still praying that your healing process is shorter and painfree-er .

chickadee

Dianne.
While trying to lift the buttt I will try to remember I am firming the boobs. Whoooeeee!!

smile

[ January 15, 2005, 05:23 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Hey Dianne,
I think that thing about crutches firming the boobs might be right. I don't remember it before, but I was younger then and maybe the boobs didn't need firming. ??

Last night I put on a long ago discarded bra and my husband about fainted. (Maybe he was just faking a reason to lay down, who cares?). Either way, this crutch walking stuff might have a few fringe benefits.

I'm certainly not recommending it though.
smile

Smile, I'm sorry. You're in my prayers.

Sandra