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#5773 - 03/13/04 08:40 AM
Marriage and Finances
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Member
Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
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WHile this comes up a lot, mainly because we are a young couple trying to get everything together, it really becomes an issue around tax time. I take care of all the financial stuff in our home, bills, investments, etc., but tax time is when I really get the picture of how much more WE could be doing if WE were doing the stuff together. THere are only so many hours in the day and it is difficult to keep tabs on all of it. My husband hates talking about finances. He's gotten better, but it's still a struggle. Any ideas on how to get your partner involved with financial matters without it becoming the biggest stress in your married lives together?
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#5774 - 03/16/04 12:25 AM
Re: Marriage and Finances
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Member
Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
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I guess this is a sensitive issue guys?
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#5776 - 03/16/04 03:32 AM
Re: Marriage and Finances
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Member
Registered: 01/01/04
Posts: 678
Loc: Tazewell County, VA, USA
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JawJaw is right...hmmmmm...how does one respond? I thought about being flip and saying the way we handle it is...Dave makes it and I spend it...it's a 50/50 split and seems to work well enough for us, at least most of the time.
Okay, now that every one is finished laughing... We have a rule - which ONE of us has only broken once & been caught <g> that neither of us will spend more than $100 without talking it over with the other person. Another thing that helps us with finances is we're together 24/7. It's hard to spend money on impulse buys when we're together all the time. We're fairly simple people but we do live in a big farmhouse and it's expensive to live here. Windows are 9'x3' and in the winter it's difficult to heat. We make choices...we'd reather live here and have high heating bills than live somewhere else and spend money on something else. The animals cost money but I'd rather have them than a newer car. If I want that new car smell, I'll buy one of those new car smell freshners.
I suppose, coming toward the end of my rambling here...it all boils down to choices. Do you and your husband talk about what you want out of life? Do you have goals? Do you have plans? It sounds trite but putting stuff down in black & white will help both of you. It's easier to "see" and make adjustments, changes, etc. when it's in black & white. And, black & white doesn't mean in stone. Get a pencil with an eraser, makes things easier.
Congratulations on starting out. Life is a grand adventure, especially when you are beside someone you love.
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#5777 - 03/16/04 03:35 AM
Re: Marriage and Finances
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Member
Registered: 01/01/04
Posts: 678
Loc: Tazewell County, VA, USA
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Oh gosh...think I misunderstood your question.
Quicken. Dave swears by it.
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#5778 - 03/16/04 07:14 PM
Re: Marriage and Finances
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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quote: Originally posted by Candice Johnson: but tax time is when I really get the picture of how much more WE could be doing if WE were doing the stuff together. THere are only so many hours in the day and it is difficult to keep tabs on all of it. My husband hates talking about finances. He's gotten better, but it's still a struggle. Any ideas on how to get your partner involved with financial matters without it becoming the biggest stress in your married lives together?
I'm so glad you brought this back up because it was a post I wanted to get to.
Before we got married the priest talked to us about several aspects of marriage. Money was one of the biggies. Along with money comes communication. The two have to be connected in my opinion.
I'm assuming you have one big pot of money meaning you don't have separate accounts, each with your own earnings.
If that's the case, you should have a budget that the two of you agree on. Givens are mortgage, gas and electric, phone, all the necessities.
Decide what you want to do with what's left. A portion for saving and a portion for mad money as my mom would call it.
Mad money is where it gets tricky. Like Thistle suggested, pick a dollar amount and decide that you won't purchase anything without consulting if it's above that amount.
This is where lots of communicating comes in.
Some women might disagree and think we shouldn't have to do this, but remember you are in this together. You're trying to do what's best for both of you.
So if you want to spend x amount of money to go on a trip with the girls and he wants to spend x amount on a new gadget for the computer, you have to discuss and see how both can be pleased by cutting corners in other areas. Sometimes both can't be pleased so you give and take at different times in your marriage. But be HONEST about your feelings. Speak honestly about what you think is fair.
The more you communicate, the more he's involved. He has to be made more aware if he helps set the budget and you work together at staying within it.
Happily married couples really want to please the other partner. Remember that! When working as a team, there's no reason both of you can't be happy if you are communicating honestly and doing some give and take. Hope this helps.
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#5780 - 03/17/04 05:54 AM
Re: Marriage and Finances
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Member
Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
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Thanks everyone for the suggestions. All of them were good ones. I just have to take it a step at a time. I know he just wants me to take care of it, but I feel weird just making the decisions on my own. Maybe I'll get used to it after a while. I will try to get more involved a little bit at a time. He did say he would go with me to see a financial planner.
I have quicken fro my freelance stuff and never thought about using it for the home, but it would be perfect.
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#5781 - 03/23/04 05:52 AM
Re: Marriage and Finances
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Member
Registered: 09/08/03
Posts: 55
Loc: Baytown, Tx
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I understand your frustration. My husband is the same way. He rather i make the financial decisions. We talk about it but the ultimate dceision when coming down to paying for it is me. When he wants something...he uses the line "i wish we had some money"...and he says it in such a way that I know hes wanting it real bad. I answer..."how much money do you wish we had"...he would give me a figure and what it is he wants. I just tried to accomodate he wishes. It works with us. Just communicate. Right now our monies is good but it was very stressful when it wasn't so good.
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