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#5759 - 03/03/04 02:10 AM
Update
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Member
Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 113
Loc: Orange, Texas
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Thanks to each of you who took the time to respond to my Valentines Day post. My hubby came home on Sunday, (2/21) and it took me until Wednesday to get up the courage to talk to him honestly about all I was feeling. The conversation started out with him being quite defensive. Comments like "I did not realize I was such a shi**y husband, and I didn't know you were so horribly miserable." However, by the time our talk was over about 6 hours later, we had come to a meeting of the minds. We were able to discuss many issues that have been under the surface for a long time. I think it will be a long time healing, but he is willing to try and work on it. I count that as a real blessing. He has gone to Oklahoma for a week right now, then on to Lousiana for 3 more weeks. We have talked on the phone everyday and he took the letter I wrote (trying to explain all my feelings) with him to ponder further. With both of us trying, we can regain our past happiness. This has been a very hard period of time for us. He lost his job of 19 years last August, our son got married (to a woman who was pregnant with someone elses baby), I wrecked my van, and with his new job he travels all the time right now! Plus, we have to move all the way to Houston (not my favorite city in Texas). Lots of changes in a short time! We have finished the repairs to our home and it is finally on the market officially as of March 1. We hope we can sell it. About 3 years ago we took the equity in it, refinanced and paid off all our bills except cars and the mortgage. So, this means we have to get top dollar for the house in order to just break even. At the time we refinanced, we had no idea the job would go and so would all our carefully laid plans. Thanks again for your prayers and helpful advice. I appreciate each and every one of you!
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#5760 - 03/03/04 06:46 PM
Re: Update
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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Mrsmuzz, the fact that you took 6 hours AND wrote a letter is remarkable. I commend you for all your efforts. Also, change is hard. You are smart to recognize it and meet it face to face. You didn't mention the feelings for the other man. Maybe simply recognizing those feelings is what caused you to examine your marriage in a different light. Praying your marriage grows stronger and your house sells at top dollar! Good to hear from you! [ March 03, 2004, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]
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#5761 - 03/05/04 03:24 AM
Re: Update
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Member
Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 113
Loc: Orange, Texas
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Hi Dotsie,
You are right, I did not mention my feelings about the other man in my post. My husband and I did talk about it and part of my letter dealt with those feelings. Unfortunately, even though I have dealt with the communication issues with my husband, I continue to have fantasies about this other person. I am trying to deal with it by reading what I can find that has been written on the subject. It is a very unusual situation as nothing like this has ever happened to me before. One of my best friends attributes it to "middle age" crisis Ha Ha! Maybe I am subconsciously trying to prove that I am still attractive to the opposite sex? Any ideas out there ladies for books or articles to read?
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#5762 - 03/05/04 05:59 AM
Re: Update
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Member
Registered: 03/18/03
Posts: 332
Loc: Australia
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Maybe the key word here is "fantasies"? Who among us has not daydreamed about another life? Try and work out what emotional need you are filling by these fantasies, and how you could do something in your real life to meet that unfulfilled need. it probably isn't really to do with the other person, at all... Dr Phil
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#5766 - 03/09/04 07:14 PM
Re: Update
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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quote: Originally posted by smilinize: The reason for the fantasies is important. I had forgotten the need for reassurance of sexual attractiveness. At this point I'm only fantasizing about my husband, but I do experience a more intense hormonal rush in response to male attention at this weirdo this age than ever before. Maybe some natural midlife hormonal change that occurs when our child-bearing days are coming to an end that causes all these midlife crisis affairs, etc. Interesting. smile
There is definitely a need for reassurance of sexual attractiveness. Don't you think? Especially from your husband. That's one of the reasons I'm still so attracted to mine. I think we affirm one another in this department fairly often.
We have to continue complimenting one another. I always say that if we don't... there are many other women out there who will, and vice- versa. Everyone likes their egos stroked every now and then.
Smile, hotmones (that was a typo and I thought I'd leave it). Let me try again. Hoemones, (another typo)! Okay, hormones...can you jsut hear us a woman telling her husband, "I just couldn't help my affair. It's my hormones honey!"
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