Scorpio, I would be in your situation if I lived out of town. When I divorced, I moved to the same town as my son so I could be closer to them. Ever since my grandson was a baby, I would call them and ask if he could spend the night with me. Every since, I get him every other weekend for one night and they count on it, too. They live right down the street from DIL's mom and it is very natural for her to have more of a relationship with her, so I made sure I get my time with him.

Daisygirl

No, I don't believe he is carrying any grudges. We made sure not to cause any conflict. Let him go with a peaceful mind. No hurt. Figured it was best that way. Truly, if there is any anger it is inside of himself towards himself for allowing this situation to be. We always had a very tight, good and loving family structure and we truly have a good relationship with our DIL. They are just not extending themselves and hiding behind a list of reasons. I know it's difficult but they should've factored all this in when they made the decision to move. We have tried and have schlepped back and forth over the years but there are family members (my Mom) who is too old and fragile to travel and thus never sees her great-grandchildren. I guess it is what it is. I basically started this chat to see if anyone else was dealing with a similar issue and how they coped. I'm at a loss.

I know a woman who is dealing with a similar situation. Even when the kids come to town they stay with her DIL's family. The part that saddens me is that my friend's son won't satnd up to his wife. When they come home all the plans revolve around the DIL's family. My friend gets the leftovers. And belive me, my friend and her husband have so much love to share.

Dotsie - you mention that your friend gets the leftovers.

Sometimes that's not such a bad thing. I dont know your friends situation, but maybe if she looked at it from a different angle ???

Sometimes people are with the "ones that come to town" under an "obligation" of some sort. Or maybe they feel they HAVE TO be with them. When the kids come to visit your friend -- could it be because they really WANT to be with them ??

Sometimes - quality really is better than quantity ;-)

Aha, I like that spin.

My DIL has a personality disorder. Truly. She talks of no one but herself (not even her kids ages 5 and 2). She is ALWAYS sick or hurt and is unable to hold a job because of her illnesses. That is all she talks about. She does not like our family - mostly me. Last time i had the 5-year-old over (for a tea party with my nieces girls) she called and said if I didn't have her back by a certain time, she would call the police and have me put in jail!! My son has no cahunas. They live 5 miles away and we see the children maybe 6-10 times a year. It is absolutely dreadful. They are our only grandchildren and he is our only son. We have 3 adopted girls which my DIL won't consider her husbands sisters. Although they have been here since they were one (now 30, 18 and 13).
We've always had a close, fun family.

What an interesting topic to come across here! This is the very thing I talked to my hubby about when our first grand was born last Feb.

I found a little corner of real sadness in my heart just because I know that a girl who has any kind of decent relationship with her mother will always gravitate there, not to the MIL. I am perhaps a little extra sensitive to this because our only daughter died at age 13, leaving us with 2 beautiful sons. When you lose a child, you also lose her future including the family she may have had.

I could immediately see the difference in the way my DIL brought her child to her mom and my son brought her to me. It is not a fault within anyone, it is simply the way we are made and the way a good mother/daughter relationship works. I am very close to both of my sons but it will never be the same as it would have been with Missi or it is with DIL and her mom.

My DIL and I have a wonderful relationship and she is very conscious of the fact that I miss my own daughter. She really does go out of her way to include me in things. At the same time, she is very close to her own mom and they spend a lot of time together.

I am soooooo VERY blessed to be my granddaughter's main daycare provider. I have nothing to complain about but in my heart, I will never be my grown daughter's mother and that is where my sorrow will forever exist in the background of my life.