Dear Dahti

W

Dear Dahti & Pattyann

I messed up on the previous post, hit a button and oops!I don't know how to remove a goofed up post.

We were lucky back then. I think there was alot more innocence back then.

I also homeschooled my son. His first year of high school he didn't like because it mostly about protecting himself. The boys were all trying to be dominant, see who was the toughest, you know the score. So he decided to go to an outreach school for a year in Nelson, the nearest small city, about 13,000 people, since there was a bus going there and everything was done on computer.

The year after that I decided it would be good to homeschool him. He learned more about politics, life, different religions, wisdom and how to think, being at home listening to our discussions which cover every topic under the sun. Being home during those vulnerable years, where peers generally try to dominate your belief system at school, helped my son avoid all that crap and teenage angst.

He also learned new methodologies on how to study. His marks went up into the 80's and 90's, a vast improvement from his previoius marks.
When he went back for grade 11 and 12 he did great and loved it. He said homeschooling gave him confidence and respect for his abilities and proved to him that he was capable of pulling in great grades.

Dotsie, with regard to hitchhiking I can't imagine doing that now. However, my son does hitchike locally as do alot of people. Mostly they get rides from locals in nearby towns, going from town to town to meet with friends. It's quite different out here in the wilderness. We pretty much know everybody in the local towns, at least to recgonize when they drive by on our wilderness highway. Everybody has a wave and a smile which is really lovely considering I grew up a big city girl outside of Toronto.

That was my same message too Dotsie to my son, 'It's not you I don't trust...it's the rest of the world.'

With that in mind I told him about everything I could with regard to people, relationships, the dangerous people out in the world and his inner voice, how to trust the moment. When he hitchikes he listens inside for the best time to get a ride, then goes out and there's the perfect ride.
Prayer is an amazing protector.

I am very grateful that he has the wisdom inside to bypass all the crap our teenagers are inundated with. In fact, I'm very grateful he passed by those teenage years and didn't need to do the wild partying scene teenagers today are into.

I taught my son that the world is out for itself, that it is run by fear and that for him to make decisions he had to bypass the way the world does things and listen to his inner voice and what was right for him.

Yeah it was tough raising my son, terrified he'd get trapped in the wild aspect of the teenage years, or trapped by his peer's values. That was tough. I was just so glad that keeping him home with regard to homeschooling changed his whole outlook. He was able to see crap for what it was, able to be who he was. I thank God he made it. These days you hear so many stories about kids and drugs, the wild parties.

At some point I may write about how our technology and society itself is raising our kids, instead of parents. We're actually being divorced from our kids by economics, government and technology. Our whole way of life is taking us away from inner values.

With love
Leigha

I just wanted to mention...with regard to not trusting the world out there... Many of us were taught the dangers in the world and so we always had a layer of fear within us. However, many of us were not taught to trust ourselves, or we weren't privy to wisdom within us because we weren't privy to wisdom from outside of us.

There are many ways of dealing with the outside world without having fear. It's our job to look within and realize that much of what we experience is based on fear based belief systems and that our lives can change for the better when we open up and realize that there is really nothing to fear when we trust ourselves.

With love
Leigha

My 17-year-old daughter was seeing a 36-year old man behind our backs. We found out and told her we could not support nor condone this behavior in our home. She chose to move out. She stayed with him for a few weeks then he got her a studio apt near school (she's a senior). She now turned 18. When she left, she wrote me (mom) a long hate letter how I've never been there for her because i was taking care of others. She would rather starve on the streets then spend one more day in our home. She would rather be dead than be anything like me. This after I've lost both parents and one in-law parent. I can hardly bare this. How does one get through this pain? I adopted my sister's 3 girls - two were cocaine addicted (she is one). She is a straight A student. I don't know where "to be" with this. He is supporting her. He is a deadbeat dad. I'm sorry for droning on and on. Thanks for listening

Don't be sorry, you need to get this out. Have you spoken to a clergyman or a therapist? How is your husband dealing with this? My heart is breaking for you...

Mama, this breaks my heart. This is one of the reasons being a member for the sandwich generation is so hard. How could you ignore your parents? Gosh, I can't stand this.

Do yourself a favor and recall how passionately teens live and feel. Her words are an exageration for sure. I know they still heart, but I have a feeling she will not feel this way forever. This older man is influencing her in ways we don't understand. I'm praying for your grief.

I'd say, give her space. I bet you'll hear from her before you know it.

I agree with bluebird. Do you have someone to talk with?

michelle, i'm so sorry for your daughter's leaving and the loneliness her absence must be in your heart. my sister did more or less the same thing, minus the police. she finally came to her senses about 6 months later.

she now has 2 young adult daughters who have dished it back to her big time. they, too, are now both settled down and looking at weddings in the near future.

i pray that your daughter finds her own peace sooner than later and gets on with the rest of her life with you in it!

mama, if anyone would just tell us why our kids turn on us like they sometimes do, maybe we could see it coming and prevent it. personally, i think it is the outside influences that start hitting them as soon as they leave the nest for kindergarten.

my 2 older kids went through a stage when they thought they would be better off in foster homes. my daughter even threatened to call social services and try to make it happen.

hubby and i did our very best to provide a peaceful home for them. my in-laws fight constantly so hubby grew up with that and refused to let our kids go through that kind of turmoil. i grew up in a peaceful home so it wasn't as much effort for me. to this day, we will never know what made them think they would be better off elsewhere; especially knowing other kids who were far worse off than they were.

our daughter died when she was 13 and that, of course, changed the course of life for the boys and us. even though i believe she had turned the corner and realized what a good life she had here at home before she died, it still hangs over me like unfinished business and always will. i choose not to dwell on it but it was a hurtful time for us all.

missi brought so much beauty to our lives, i find peace in knowing we did our best, no matter what stages of disillusionment she went through.

Oh Flipper,

How sad is your daughter passing at 13! My heart just fell to my stomach. I can't imagine the heartache you have experienced.

Raising kids is a scarry endevor! (searcher has my dictionary, thus I can't spell! lol). I have a 14 yr old boy, and a 16 yr old girl. My daughter plans on leaving home next summer.

If only THEY knew what we know, huh?

hugs to you flipper,
danita

thanks for the hugs, danita - they are always welcomed!

why does your daughter want to leave next summer? is she planning to work away from home or does she just think elsewhere will be better?

you are right, "if only they knew what we know"...on the other side of the coin, if only i'd known then what i know now! WOW!