Anyone else have a child that just doesn't seem equipped for the real world? Do you worry that they're going to be eaten alive on their first job, if anyone can actually get past the initial impression of "this child is different" and hire them?

My son has an interview tomorrow at an art and craft supply store. He applied to be a cashier or sales person but they want to interview him to teach a drawing or painting class. He'd have to plan the class and do a demonstration at the store to get people to sign up. His pay would be based on how many people take the class so the pay is iffy but what a great learning experience for a 17 year old! I hope he can make a good impression on this interview.

Oh great...now I've forgotten who initiated the netversation!

Your son is 17 - what a wonderful learning experience for him! Let him learn how to do this and he might find out he's a natural at sales. There's *nothing* like knowing that if you don't sell, you don't eat. It keeps a person sharp, it hones their skills, it's a great way to live. At least someone is seeing the boy's potential and asking him to take a chance on himself...and at 17! How wonderful...

I've a friend who is 27 and is still ho-de-do-ing around the country. She lacks an internship <meaning she does the work but doesn't get paid> in order to finish her B.A. and hasn't been able to find an internship in THREE YEARS! Come on!!! I saw how she dressed for her last interview and now I've got an inkling of what the problem might be. Or, maybe I just don't understand that people don't dress for interviews anymore??? Army fatigue pants which "sort of" hung on her hips, a skimpy spaghetti string top, no bra but I know she had on underpants because I could see them riding above her fatigue pants...I'm not picking on my friend but I'm saying has the work world changed all that much? Is this really an okay way to dress for an interview? BTW, she's a music therapy major, a 5 year degree from Loyola. Maybe that's what makes the difference...musicians are different?

I'm obviously, hopelessly out of touch!

Mary, I think it's awesome that they've asked him to teach. Anyone can ring a register. Seems to me they've already seen his gifts.

I wouldn't focus on the number of people who take his class, nor how much money he makes. I'd focus on the fact that he has a gift and can share it.

Teaching will give him tremendous confidence. When my daughter was in middle school she tutored a gal in math. She was doing it out of the goodness of her heart and when the school year was over, the gal's mom gave her a $100.00 American Express check. She was tickled. More than anything, the experience of knowing she could help someone did wonders for her self esteem. This is my daughter who has learning differences.

Please let us know what happens for your son.

Mary: This is indeed a great learning experience! I hope that he truly enjoys this opportunity and does his best sharing his knowledge.

Best of wishes and... Keep us posted!

Well, at least my son didn't get thrown out on his ear. When I asked how the interview went I got the very informative answer of "Good."

I sure hope he gets the chance to do this. It would help his self esteem and move him up a notch in the eyes of my husband and his family, who basically just think he's weird, which he is, but aren't all artists?

Even though he got all A's except for one B+ on his last report card, he's still seen as a lazy kid who'll never amount to anything. It doesn't seem fair to me.

In his biography, Picasso was a none trouble maker as a child and slacker as a young adult. So go figure. You son may be the next artistic genius just waiting to emerge. Personally, I'd tell him to "just have fun with it."

Passing judgement on children who are different drives me crazy!

My daughter attends a very small school for children with learning differences. The kids are different because they've had to battle the world of mean kids, impatient teachers, and sometimes unaccepting parents.

Why does everyone have to be a cookie cutter?

By the grace of God she was accepted to this school in sixth grade and it's heaven on earth for kids who learn differently.

The teachers get the fact that the kids aren't lazy or stupid. They embrace these kids, lift them up, and encourage them beyond belief.

I just saw a friend whose son left to go to another high school because they thought he was ready to transition. She's sorry they took him out because the teachers at the new school think he should be punished for his grades. They think he's lazy and doesn't want to learn. He doesn't feel accepted. They don't get the fact that all kids can't learn from a lecture! Don't get me started!

Some of the students at my daughter's school are geniuses, but just because they may not have perfect social skills, excell at everything, wear the right clothes (whatever they are), play 3 sports, blah, blah, blah...society looks down on them.

What a boring world this would be if everyone was the same!

I have two sons 18 and 16 and I think it is fairly normal to get a one word answer to a question! When I press for more the eldest tells me "It's all right, I've got everything under control" and I guess, well, I just have to accept that and trust that he knows what he is doing. Letting them take responsibility for their lives. He also is a quiet one and started working part-time this year and it has done a lot to develop his "life skills" that studying doesn't provide.

Julie, I'm all for kids getting jobs and spending time outside the home to develop other relationships. It's so important during the teen years. What type of work is your son doing?

Also, you metioned trust. I always tell my kids that I trust them, it's the rest of the world I don't trust.

I think my son has the job. Only he's starting out as a cashier. After he has a feel for the place, he can decide whether he wants to offer a painting class.

He's had so much trouble dealing with people in authority and following rules, I won't relax until he's been working there for a month. He always tells me that he knows it's different when you have a job, then you have to listen.

And I know getting and keeping a job are his responsibilities but it's hard to not worry. After all, I don't want to support him the rest of his life!

Hi girls, I'd like to add my two cents worth. My number one son is now 21 and is a finish carpenter doing fine and actually I think he makes more money than I do now.

But I think I had to tell him EVERY day to do his homework, do his homework, do his homework. He was bright, personable, but not thrilled with taking orders from anyone. He didn't like teachers telling him anything when he was in h.s., didn't like wearing a helmet while skating/riding his bike, didn't like staying 'on the block' when he was little (6)...you get the picture.
So when he was your son's age, I told him repeatedly to get a job and finally he did. He went to work for a fast food place. And he liked the check. Then he found he liked doing something well. Then he found his own rhythm.
With each job he quit to do something a little better until he got this carpentry job. He started working with my husband but then my husband couldn't do it anymore and the boss kept my son.
I guess my point is - don't worry - let him find his own rhythm. Thank GOD we are allowed to have the gift of getting to have children who are truly special and unique.
I have one totally "normal" child (our daughter) who thinks that she's a non-conformist when she wears two different colored socks, (socks that will be completely covered by jeans and her shoes.)
My boys on the other hand, all three of them are in various stages of living by-the-seat-of their-pants, but I have no fear that they'll figure it out.
And what's really amazing is that while you worry and fret for them - the interviewer has no such hang-ups. All they see is the unencumbered kid-looking for a job.
They don't know the strangeness or the little irresponsibilities or anything about that kid.
They don't see that your husband is just hoping the 'kid gets a job'. They don't see that angst.
They just see the person. And he'll do fine. No matter what, he'll learn from his experience, good or bad. If it's not a perfect fit, he'll know what doesn't fit and have a better idea of what does.
He's on the cusp of life. Help him embrace it so he'll eagerly approach it.

Kate
p.s. Sorry, that was at least a bucks worth.

[ June 21, 2004, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: DreamrKate ]

Now THAT - I guess all a mother's gotta do is shore up the child while they're busy figuring out what that rhythm is. -- THAT was well said!

My Scotty seems so settled now that I wonder why I worried. But he did ride a bumpy road for a while. Sometimes I think part of what helped him is that I kind of rolled along with him and didn't get too too, too horribly blown out when he blew it sometimes. Those are nightmare stories we'll save for another time, when someone brings up "kid's brushes with the law."

Kate

Garrie and Kate, I'm smiling after reading your posts. You are wise women and I couldn't agree more.

Sometimes I think the kids who have learning differences that are addressed and cared for make better adults because diversity smacked them in the face at such a young age.

They have excellent coping skills because they've had to use them. They're hard working because they have to be. They're kind because they know how it feels to be the brunt of someone's mean spirit.

This makes me think of the book I read to my kids when they were little. I've mentioned it in here before. People, by Peter Spier. It's awesome. It makes you grateful that no two human beings are alike.

Thanks everyone for some sound wisdom. It helps to hear from other mothers who've already been there, done that, and everything turned out okay. And thanks Kate, you have some very good advice.

My son worked two days last week and has 3 days to work next week. He's kind of disappointed in how few hours he's got (not as much money as he thought he would be making) and working a cash register is confusing, but he seems to have a good attitude about it. And he still has the opportunity to offer a painting class at the store if he wants.

The bonus for me is that he gets a 25% discount for himself and family at the store! So we'll save some money on canvases, paints, etc. And if I take up scrapbooking, just imagine the savings!

Agate,
Congratulations on your son doing well. Lucky you with the discount. I'd go for the scrapbooking while you can. Its so addictive and expensive but if your careful its easier.
Maggie

Agate,
Last week he hasd two days. This week he has three. He must be doing something right.

It's always interesting how things work out just the way they're supposed to work out.

Just think, Mary, if he would have been scheduled for a 40 hour week right off the bat... it would have been "cash register overwhelm," and it would have been every single day without letting him have a breathing space to digest it all. This way he has a little bit of time to adjust to the new atmosphere, the register, the rules, etc. before he goes back to assimilate his young self to the working world.

It's perfect.

And though it's not as much money as he would have liked right at this time, he'll be able to pick and choose what are the most important things he wants his money for and it will teach him about prioritizing.

Isn't that amazing? And all you had to do really was to sit back, (faith=trust) and watch it unfold. The hand-wringing was optional.

I just got back from church...I've got this whole God thing ALLllll worked out!

Kate

[ June 27, 2004, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: DreamrKate ]