One more thing, I also have an article posted at Sisters In The Lord. The link is www.sistersinthelord.org/magazine/laugh.html. Enjoy and thanks again.

Chris(angel)

Chris, this link didn't work for me. However, when I searched the humor section, I found it and realized I had read it when it first came out but didn't realize it was YOU! How funny is that? I loved it! You are so right about God laughing with us, and at us! Girls, you need to go read this article. It is very well written, and makes such good points about life!

JJ

Chris, I enjoyed getting to know you better by reading your article. Have you met Lynn? She has a little one too.

Speaking of letting go, I had to let go of my college boy with the 'rude genes' deeply embedded and gifted from his beloved dad. However, I spied on him via an uncle that lives in his college town. He's doing fine and that makes me happy. But the happiness is sorta muzzled with knowing he has such disregard for the one parent that was there in his corner since birth vs. the "Disney Parent" that only showed up on occassions.

I wonder if he'll ever realize my worth in his life? My sisters and others that know how much I nourished him into the intelligent being he's become (minus the rude ego-'I did it by myselfer).

That hurt pretty bad when he expressed that his dad had been in his life. It really made me think he has some type of psychosis. That beloved man was NOT there, at least not the way my son views his angelic parent. Hmmm.

Its human nature for us all to remember the good things about a person after they die, even when there weren't any good things to remember. I believe the term is, romantasizing ones memory. Let him be and he'll come around. His true and deeply imbedded memories will one day surface and he'll look at you differently. Hopefully!

I had to laugh to keep from being sad, but for my son, in this case Chatty. Just as I finished reading your post, the phone rang and it was my son. I was borderline rude! But, as the adult in this situation, I simply passed the phone to my daughter and continued what I was doing, never once asking the usual motherly questions about school, college life...etc. It felt good too! I am learning not to accept abuse. I'm growing here, watch out. You and a few others here have already helped me rid myself of the 'Lover-boy-toy' syndrome. Whew! This feels good.

Sug, I'm guessing your son verbally abuses you when he calls. Good for you to put your foot down. You are also setting a good example for your daughter. Be sure to tell her why you chose not to speak with him.

Well, he is not completely crazy. I am from the old school here...he wouldn't want to suffer the reprecusions of straight-out verbal abuse.

His problem is what I posted re: his confusion of which parent, since we were divorced, cared for him the most. He seems to have developed this illusion that his beloved father was a hero of some sort. Maybe he was, but it wasn't in the finance dept nor was it in the parenting. I guess the aftermaths of divorce/broken home???

Anyhow, it seems that everything his father did or didn't do, is what he's labeling me with. THe only problem with that is that his father was not there. I was. His father wasn't at the PTO meetings, school programs, school, graduation, activities, grocery, rent, car...football games...He was not there. I was. Now, why my son is seeing things this way, and as a result has somewhat of a potty mouth/disrespectful tone, I dont know. I think some sort of nuerosis has kicked in cause he was just wrong when he said that his father was there for him.

I think Smile and a few others explained earlier in the forum here that my son must think of his father as an angel and therefore can no longer or refuse to see the wrong he's ever done. That's fine. I can deal with that but not him blaming/giving me the malfuncto behaviors, especially hillucinated ones.

So, as a result, I found it safer for my son and I not to speak. Do you recall how I struggled to get him into college just this last fall semester? Well, my son's illusion of a good father is so bad that he doesn't remember that. Fine. But, he sees this angel father as the one that did when he didn't do anything other than told him how proud he was of him for going.

Now, that's wonderful and very supportive to say to your child. Hooray! But it doesn't pay the tuition. Whew! I'm mad too.

Sugar, it sounds like your son wants so badly to have a *good* father/son relationship that he is *wishing* it into existence. A good therapist could probably talk him through this. I don't think you can because you are too close to the picture. As his mom, you can't really divorce how you feel about the situation from the conversations. Also, knowing what the reality is, you can't reinforce his fantasy, because you know it's not true. But maybe another person could figure out why his *fantasy* picture of his dad is so important to him. Fantasies fill a void in a person's life. This sounds like a mighty big hole. But a word of caution, the more time a person spends defending their fantasy, the more *real* it becomes in their mind. The defending reinforces the false picture. Just my two cents.

unique, his dad died a couple months ago. I don't know if you realize that. It takes a lot to keep up with our stories. Phew.

I think Chatty's right on with her comment.

Sugaree, stick to your guns and expect respect. You are still his role model whether he likes it or not.

At some point in time (and it may not be for years) you may be able to have an adult conversation with him about the truth of his dad's involvement. He will be better able to hear the truth as he matures. For now you probably have to suck it up and understand that this too shall pass. Continue to be the good parent you've been through the years!