My daughter (20) just came back home to live. She really tried hard to make it out on her own, but she got behind on her rent, the late fees added up, a boss took off to get married and forgot to pay the employees so they had to wait for their checks, causing more late fees, and well, now she's back home.

She didn't tell me any of this until it was too late to help her, except offer her a place to stay while she gets back on her feet.

anyone else have children who've left the nest and then come back home?

This is what i did with my grown children. if they wanted to live at home, they had to pay room and board. i figured a fair, low, yet learning cost for that was $400.00 a month. But, instead of keeping the money, i put it in a savings account. when my child was ready to try wetting their feet a second time, i gave them the money i saved from the room and board. in one year they were able to save a good amount of money on their own, and when i handed them $4800 back, they didn't need come back.
Well, they come back, but not to stay forever. just a night here and a visit there.
Hope this helps. It really worked for mine. Sandy

Sometime after my daughter was married and shortly before Alex was born, we decided to share an apartment together -- Lisa & Victor (her hubby) and me and Todd (my son). We split the bills in half. Lisa became a stay-at-home mom and for the most part, took care of the house and meals. The arrangement worked for us -- I had my own room and did my own thing. Todd got his own place after a couple of years. Probably the most important thing I did was relinquish the title of "Boss". A few months after their 3rd child was born (and about the same time that I had decided that I wanted to get a place of my own), Victor left Lisa for another woman. There was no way I could move until Lisa could get on her feet and be able to support the 3 kids. In June of 2001 we moved from a pretty big 3 bedroom house to a little 2-bedroom apartment which was nearer where we both worked. There was a substantial reduction in rent and bills. We felt that the time was about upon us where Lisa would be able to make it alone, and the apartment would work fine for them and she could afford it. We were VERY cramped, but you endure a lot of things well when you think it is not forever. One month after we moved -- the company both of us worked for closed down and both of us were without income! Praise God -- we made it through that time, although I still marvel that we did.

I decided that with the market so tight and jobs so scarce, this was the time to go back to school and pursue my degree. Due to a 75% reduction in income, I qualified for full grants and loans. I also made the announcement that I would no longer be paying half the bills. It was time for Lisa to pay her real share. There was only 1 of me -- and 4 of them. She has really stepped up to the plate and came through. I have become more of a Nanny for her, and try to schedule my classes so I am home when the kids get out of school -- I take care of them while she works and pick them up if the school calls, take them to the doctor/dentist. We decided that because child care would cost over $300 a week during the summer, I would stay with them and she would work. I do some work from home, and play the piano for church, so I have a little income, but my biggest contribution is being home and being a Nanny (Granny).

This is not a situation we want forever -- and it would not work for a lot of people. But it works for us, for this season in our lives, and I am truly thankful. People will sometime say, "Oh, your daughter lives with you?" -- NO -- We SHARE a home. And at this point -- it would probably be more correct to say that I live with my daughter. LOL.

Gwinny

Gwinny & Sandy, thanks for responding. Your stories give me hope that all will work out in the end.

It's really been kinda great timing for Michelle to move back home. My illnesses and my congenital spinal stenosis keeps me from doing much around the house (physically) .. so she's really pitched in w/that. Although, she was always doing that for me. She'd come every 2 weeks and clean my house and I'd pay her.

My husband is starting a new business w/his saltwater aquariums and she's really jumped in to help. He's actually hired her as his assistant. So, we're all finding the positive in this situation.

We wanted her to find a new job anyway, cuz we didn't like where she was working before. She was a cashier at an "adult shop"... not the best location, either.

We offered to pay her nearly as much as she was making there. We are asking her to pay for her own groceries. Other than that, I think we'll be ok.

But, the only downside is I lose my office. It used to be her bedroom and when she left home, I turned it into my office. Now, we'll have to change it back. I can move my personal computer and files back into my bedroom (it's 16x24) there's plenty of room, and I've basically turned the dining room into my craft room anyway, so it won't hurt to squeeze a bit more in there.

And, like Gwinny said, it's not forever.

Peace & Hugs!

We are about to embark on this adventure ourselves. Our oldest daughter (28) has just accepted a new job in Phoenix and will be moving from Ft. Worth in just a couple of weeks. She will be staying with us for a couple of months while she finds and buys a townhouse. With her comes a dog and a cat (we already have one of each ourselves!) On top of that, daughter #2 will be here at the same time for a week for work related and wedding-related issues, AND we have friends visiting from Mississippi, which has been planned for over 10 months. My house is NOT that big!!! Should be quite fascinating to see how this all works out....................

Fortunately all the coming and going has to do with good things.

Sounds like a house full to me. Have fun making the most of it.

Thought I'd bring this post back because it seems as though this conversation is going on in another forum. Just some more thoughts to add to the kids moving back home...or never leaving!

My son's coming home for Thanksgiving and I can't wait to see him. He hasn't ben home since mid-July. First year of college.

Advice ladies, please?! I hear the first visits home can be challenging because they are feeling like their wings have beeen clipped. Any suggestions for preventive actions?

Come on all you experienced people who have kids back at home...let me hear what youn have to say...please!

I don't think Thanksgiving will be too much of a problem because it is such a short visit. The real challenge will be the winter break if it's long. Just remember he's had four months of not having to tell anyone where he's going or what he's doing. He will probably get annoyed about having to answer those questions again. Just remind him that your not doing it to keep tabs or to tell him no, your just curious. I would stear clear of setting a curfew. Let him use his best judgement and if it gets out of hand, then call him on it.

My son comes home to visit pretty regularly. I'm real lucky, my son out of curtesy will tell me where he's going, when and what time he will be home. He has his own key so he pretty much comes and goes as he pleases. But fortunately, when he does come home...its to see us and no one else.

The one thing that I've never taught my son successfully is to clean up and pick up after himself. SIGH!!! When he comes home the whole condo looks like a tornado hit it when he leaves. I'm at a point now that I'm really glad when he leaves. My son knows that our accomendations are way too small to handle him to live here full time. I provide money to him when he needs it to stay in college and in his own place. That works for us.

I know a college grad who can't find a job and is living at home. He's considering graduate school. Seems like a new trend because there aren't enough jobs.

Do you think we might end up with an overeducated generation of people who still can't find jobs?

I know people who are over educated and underemployed in both my kid's generation and in my own. I wonder if people learn the academic system so well as to become so comfortable there that on some level sabotage they sabotage their job search.

I once owned a personnel agency and saw it there. People who were over educated and underexperienced often had limited human skills and little practical knowledge, but were great at the academic skills of memorizing and research. Even if the counselors found them a job using those skills, however, the applicants often sabotaged the process in some way so that they never actually went to work. They would have a well paying job offer and suddenly announce that they had returned to college to pursue some additional degree. They seemed to feel that academia was in some way superior to employment.

Seems like the incidence of that type personality is increasing. Probably because us boomers made it possible for our kids to pursue education forever without employment. Most of us probably never had that opportunity.

smile

Yup, I think there certainly people who would rather be in school than out in the working world.

Smile, you have so many hidden facets to your life. Owning a personnel agency...how interesting. Bet you met all kinds of people. What places of employment did you mainly represent?

Dotsie, You're right. My life is totally weird. It's like several other people just threw their lives in to confuse things. And the parts edited out are the weirdest.

Until recently I simultaneously had several jobs, started and ran a few businesses, and got a few degrees. Creativity has always been a huge part of things and I always painted and exhibited and sold. I published articles and stories and songs, I sold and produced a few plays and moved around a little, I met wonderful people, traveled a lot, and most importantly, I single handedly raised a couple of great kids.

It was not always easy. There were a couple of near fatal accidents and cancer and the loss of a few friends to death. But within all that, there has always been great joy and lots of fun.

Now I'm just coasting. Wallowing in my self. Sometimes I think I'm lost in this peaceful playground. All so unfamiliar to me.

Another great adventure.

smile

Don't you just love to read her post? She is so interesting, intelligent, and fun to chat with. I would love to read an entire count of her life AND even better, have her as a business mentor...sigh...

let's see, if I could get DJ to mentor me in gardening, Similin to mentor me in business, ahh...Thistle to mentor me in weaving, the Divine Ms. M to mentor me in beading, hmmm....I could list something for everyone in here! Hey Teacher!!!!!

Okay JJ, I'll be your business mentor, you be my PR person. Good idea??

(You sure you don't have me mixed up with someone else?)

Thanks for the nice words.

smile

Girl, I'm positive...put you and Lynn in the same room and I would try to blend into the wallpaper! You two have done sooo much and I LOVE to hear your stories...

Hey Jawjaw, I'd love to be your gardening mentor. Especially now. Is it zero down there? And in a few months, we're getting the 17 year locusts so gardening up here won't be pretty.
Smile--
How can someone be "over educated"? There's no such thing. Is it possible to know too much? No. Instead, we have a society that doesn't know how to use its resources. We have so many problems, but the country seems so stuck in its ways, and doesn't know how to use our educated people to find the answers when the answers stare them in the face. Plus we've just hemoraged 2 million jobs to other countries, leaving our college grads to choose between WalMart and Wendy's.

I believe in the intrinsic value of education. However, I don't believe it is limited to the classroom and I believe that rewarding work is not only a form of education, but a very important part of a fulfilled life. Education should free us to pursue a better life, not imprison us. If it keeps us from rewarding work, then it may not only be worthless, it may be harmful.

The most obvious reason our 2 million jobs went to other countries is because people there are willing to work for less money. Perhaps they recognize the value of work over the value of education.

College grads who prefer unemployment to working at Wendy's or Walmart may be a part of the problem.

Just my thoughts.

smile

[ January 22, 2004, 09:42 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

I'd certainly be the first to agree that education takes place outside of school -- I've worked as a garden designer for 14 years without a degree in horticulture or design; I worked as a portrait painter without a degree in art; I taught schizophrenics without a degree in social work.
However, that's not what I was saying. What I am saying is that there are many well educated people in this country with lots of good ideas. But those ideas are actually stymied by industry and by bosses and by state, local and federal governments that want to keep doing things the same old way, thinking inside the little ol' box. Not everyone has the talent to become a business owner and operator, so many must serve those who do, but who don't like to delegate, or who don't like to listen, or who don't like to share power. For example, we've know the science of pollution at least since the 1950s, and yet we continue to pollute. We've known about alternative energy sources at least since the late 1960s, but oil companies continue to buy up patents for solar and wind powered systems. I could go on, but I think anyone reading this can think of other examples.