Girls,
My heart goes out to you all. Everyone it seems faces the time when WE become the parent, they the child. Micki, I wish I had some magic potion for your Dad. I did put myself in his place and wonder how I would feel. What choice would I make? I think I would feel as he does, and choose quality over side effects but the truth of the matter is, who knows? I just know I feel so much for you all. You are not alone. You and your Dad will be in my prayers.

On the up side, it is so rewarding to hear everyone speak of their parents with tenderness and love. Honor thy Mother and thy Father is truly alive and well on this forum. God bless

Thanks, jaw-jaw. I appreciate your response.

I lost my husband to colon cancer after a 5 year battle, and after watching it, I swore that if I ever got that terrible news we got that day regarding myself, I would take what I had left in time and do quality things, not spend time being sick from chemo and radiation.

My Mom died from organ failure after years of issues from congestive heart failure and it was a slow but painless death. My husband was not so lucky--it was a horrible, messy death and he fought all the way until the last second. He did not want to die. My Mom was ready and went rather peacefully--we had taken her off of all meds that would at that point prolong the dying process instead of lengthening life. She was not in any pain at all--wasn't even taking aspirin at that point--and just stopped breathing in the middle of the night after a small gasp. My father heard the gasp over the intercom we had installed and went in to find her gone.

Tim (my husband) was on three kinds of IV (one in his neck, one in his arm and one in his back) pain meds, was getting liquid haldol syrup dripped onto his lips every fifteen minutes and still was in extreme pain and fighting the end. We (his brothers, his sister and I all at the same time)were physically holding him in bed the entire last 6 hours of his life. I can honestly tell you that we are better to our animals than we are to ourselves. I know if it were I, I would have wanted to be put out of my misery. So, I can understand how my father feels, but I am on the other side of the issue and am just not ready to be a total orphan. I know that sounds selfish, but I just don't want to face losing what is left of my family.

I guess this being a grown-up just isn't what we were prepared for, huh? As middle-income boomers, we were shown a life of ease and comfort. I don't even remember anyone dying before my grandmother when I was 12, and then the next one I remember was my high-school class sponsor when we were in our junior year, and he rammed his car into a tree. Life was slow and easy and the most important thing was whether we had accessories to match our clothing. I want that time back....I am not really comfortable in today's lifestyle. All of the things that we took for granted have been out-dated, out-voted, and out-lawed in some way, shape or form. It's a real shame...and I can't even imagine what the three-prongers are going to have to face as we move into the next plane and they have to be the grown-ups.

Micki,
I read your post with a heavy heart. I can't even put into words how sorry I am that your husband died so horribly. One can only pray that he is enjoying himself to the fullest and doing the things he enjoys in heaven; without PAIN! I also understand your "selfishness" as you call it. I have watched a dozen or so men die at the VA but not before getting close to them and their families and knowing full well that my time in line was coming. I pray that God will grant me peace when that time comes.

As far as the 3-prong generation goes, I started to say they will have a shock to their system when they realize the world does not revolve around them, and can be cold. Then, on second thought, I thought about all the younger generation that I know that go on missionary trips, don't drink and drive, stop to chit chat with me at work, hold a door open for me at stores, and you know what? I think I will focus on all the ones that apparently, have good moral character and happy homes. Although it saddens me when I think of the things that have been taken away from us all, as you mentioned, but, on the other hand, we have been given a lot as well. Maybe...just maybe...it's the half full or half empty thing? I will keep you in my prayers and hope you find the peace you need or want. You just remember this kiddo, you have friends here and we will support you. That's a guarantee and comes straight from the Queen herself! Now...would I lie to you? Okay, don't answer that. But, if you ever need a shoulder, write me. I'm here. Along with dozens of other caring, loving women. Am I right girls?

I've read all these posts this morning with the tears flowing. All I can say is WOW!!! Its so nice to read that others feel the same way about their parents as I do. Yes, even though they are both gone there are reminders that make me laugh,
smile and cry.
Our son in so many ways is like my father and I keep tellimg him how. He loves it.
Miki, you will be in my prayers as will all of you who are struggling with what I think is one of the hardest times in our lives.
Love,
Maggie

My Mom has been gone since the end of 1998 and there isn't a day that goes by I don't pick up the telephone to call her. I am always talking to her and to Tim...I believe they are around me all the time.

I truly believe that there is a hereafter...my mother was talking to her parents in the weeks before she died and they had both been gone for years. We had a booklet (Gone From My Sight) given to us by the hospice volunteers after she died and every single thing it said she would do while she was dying, she had done. We were amazed!
I am anxious to "see" everyone there when it's my time. But, I believe that they are here with us all the time, protecting us and watching over us.
So, I know when my father does come upon his time, she and Tim and all the others will be waiting for him and helping him along.

I'm not sure why I am brooding about this. I usually am very upbeat no matter what the issue. When Tim was diagnosed, I needed to know everything about the disease and what would happen, and what we needed to do. He just wanted to not think about it. I guess I am just a bit too inquisitive for my own good and I think too much.

I turned 55 in August and my age has never bothered me, but this year I am really noticing the age of others that are winding down to the end of their lives. My Mom's aunt and 2 uncles are all three very ill with various things (She is 90 and has the same stuff my mother had and diabetes, her husband is 88 and has Aadvanced-stage Alzheimers', and the other uncle is 95, almost deaf and blind, has all the same heart stuff as Mom had plus emphysema. The two men are now in nursing homes.) and it is scary to see. I keep thinking, although I try not to, what will I do when it is my time for all that. There won't be anyone at all because I have no children and my husband and parents will be gone. Scary thoughts, huh?

Micki,
You certainly have burdens to bear. You have already had so much to deal with. I really feel for you dear.

Okay...so you don't have to worry about when your time for the home comes, here's the deal. Make sure you and I are in the same ward of the nursing home. More than likely, I'll still be cracking jokes and entertaining the other inmates. We can get matching wheelchairs, and wear funny hats! We can pretend we can sing and be the...um...Blooming Boomers! How's that?

I know you may think I am making light of your post. Trust me, anything but that. Please remember that life is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest, everyday. Try not to worry about tomorrow, next week, next year, or the year after. Enjoy today! After all, we are not promised tomorrow. Just NOW.

One thing I do when I get down is to make myself find at least three things I am grateful for. Three usually leads to five, five to ten and so forth and so on. Before I know it, I realize I am happy again and grateful for the NOW. Hey... you have a singing career to look forward to! There's 1

Micki, I am glad you are willing to share your thoughts and fears in here. We all have them and many of them are the same.

Even though I have a hubby, 3 children, 3 sissies and 1 bro, I could be the last one living and my kids could be out of state when the time comes. We never know what the future holds.

The older we get and the more we see our parents and their friends suffer, the more our own mortality is in our face.

I say let's get the boomerwomenspeak chapters going and maybe we can all check into a retirement community together!

Knowing your hubby, mom, and my mom are dancing the streets of heaven together puts a smile on my face. Mom always loved your mom and Tim...and you too! Lots of laughs and fun memories.

And yes, I couldn't agree with you more. I was so oblivious to what life as an adult was like when I was a kid. Boy I am glad. It''s hard enough learning at this stage of the game!

Miki, I don't think your too inquisitive. When my father was dying I wanted to know what was going on, where he would be and why the good Lord was taking him at that time in my life. He died in 1987. I bought books about heaven even though I had grown up going to Church.
I too can feel them around me and yes, they do talk to us if we are willing to listen. I love that and am looking forward to being with the whole family again when the time comes.
Like Dotsie and Jawjaw have said its hard to face it now.
Maggie