Well, it becomes even trickery (is that a word?) after the baby arrives. Especially in the beginning. Now I just make sure they believe whatever comes out of a discussion was THEIR idea. Not mine. Then it's totally acceptable. They are young and haven't realized that I raised two boys and have a few bits of wisdom to pass on. And too, what's to say that MY way is the best way for them? Or my grandchild. I believe it is, but am I right? I don't know. I know this, I'm with you on doing all you can to help.

I don't blame you or your hubby with your thinking. You love them so much. Kudos! I would start planting some "thought" seeds in their minds about your plans though... nothing big, just a thought here and there....just a suggestion!

JJ

I had to work, but it was because my husband wanted me to, besides, I was a women's libber - didn't I want equality? Also, he was without a job for about 2 years off and on. I was very resentful that he got to stay home with our son and I didn't. I believe my son became more bonded to him than me during that time.

We working mothers carry that guilt around our entire lives. I did tell myself that I was the one who was hurt more than my son. Fortunately, I usually had family members who cared for him while I worked, that helped a little.

When you work, your entire life is work and child and I think we need more balance in our lives, but a working mother feels too guilty to do something for herself, and let's face it, if she does, there is only so much time in the day and the child suffers.

I hope your DIL decides to stay home. It is a much more difficult job than working out of the home, but I think it would be much more rewarding and the child would have her values and not a stranger's.

Daisygirl

Ok got it. Plant the seed in them now. That it's their idea of a family member taking care IF they decide she goes back to work. I also think her mother feels the same way. She's even told her she'd get an apartment if she ever had a baby. (not sure what that means, but don't think it means she'd leave her husband, the step-dad)

I really don't think it is financial as much as her liking her Industrial Engineering job. I told her that raising a child and takig care of a household is an engineering job, too!!

thanks everyone. My mother stayed home and that is the way it should be. When we had a babysitter, it was when Mom and dad went to "dinner and a show" on a Saturday night.......by bus! Our babysitter came to the house and we LOVED her. If it were everyday, it would not have been special.

[ December 08, 2005, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: Di ]

Daisygirl and JawJaw, how did your children turn out? I'm guessing they are all fine and did just great.

Sometimes a mom has to go back to work for personal financial reasons that they don't want to disclose to someone else.

I think when a mother has a good bond with her children and stays involved with them even if she does work those kids are going to be just fine.

I've known many stay-at-home moms who didn't necessarily have good results in raising their children.

If you can look at your children and be proud of them and they love you then you shouldn't be feeling any guilt, because you know you did a good job.

[ December 08, 2005, 07:01 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]

Things are so different today. I too, hate to see babies left with baby sitters and daycare, but most women today can't afford to stay home. Some don't want to. They want a career. I could not have left my kids with strangers when I was a young mother, unless like you JJ, I absolutely had to. (Did your ex know mine? They had the same hobbies) But, I didn't go back to work until they were in school and then only part time. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I do think though that in the past few years more and more mothers are opting to stay home again if they can swing it. With work at home jobs and computers, and househusbands and 4 day work weeks and things like that, some are managing. It will work out Di. I don't know how these couples do all this shuffling around, dropping kids off before they leave for work, picking them up afterward and cooking dinner and getting them here and there to soccer and little league and dance classes, etc. I had a hard time doing all that without a full time job!

My mother rarely left us with babysitters either and I was the same way. But, then I had a mother and a mother-in-law who were always willing to watch them for me so I could go shopping or get my hair done, or just have a couple of hours of peace and quiet.

Louisa

I think a good part of this conversation boils down to our children making choices about their lives that are different than what our choices would be for them. Don't you think? After all, we are older and wiser...

Check out a good book The Hurried Child. I've got to go back through my "library" at home here to get the name of who wrote it. It talks about the very things you mentioned and the effects of it in some cases.

I too am glad to see more women opting to stay at home and raise their children. The work force has been made more flexible for them to do so. I think this will be a positive change in favor of the children.