Lynn,

I have a very good high paying job that is mind numbing and stressful. Unfortunately, we have gotten used to the life style and it will be hard not having that extra income. I am a customer service rep for the power company. I left work on Friday saying "I hate people,I hate people!" and in tears.

Offered an early buy out, 193 asked for it, 16 didn't get offered it, I am about 6th on the list that didn't get the early buy out. I am 55 and can retire and draw a small pension from them. The trick is to get enough money coming in from a part time job, my writing career or something to help us get by. I have just finished paying $12,000 in credit card debt and am now working on one car payment. I want to leave in May, but not sure if it will be an option or not. Sorry for the long response.

Oh Sherri, don't be sorry for the "long response." I sooo understand your feelings re: the job and people. Dealing with people all day is stressful to the MAX! I am so sorry for your tears. I bet you were disappointed when you didn't make the buy out list. Paying off $12,000 in credit card debt is an enormous task. Congratulations on not carrying that into retirement. Love and Light, Lynn

Last night I picked up an issue of Prevention Magazine and there on the cover it said:

THE # NUMBER ONE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR HEALTH....Surprise---its not Diet or Exercise!

RECONNECT was the answer and the article that followed was amazing as I too have become a recluse. I'll try and give you the heart of the article. Studies show that the fewer connections we have at home, at work, and in the community, the more likely we are to get sick, flood our brains with anxiety causing chemicals and die prematurely. Connectedness is as much a protective factor - probably more - than lowering your blood pressure, losing weight quitting smoking, or wearing your seat belt. Says pyschiatrist Edward M. Hallowell, MD, instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical school and author of:

CONNECT: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life, & Deepen Your Soul.

(Pantheon, 1999)It's the unacknowledged key to emotional and psychical health, and thats a proven medical fact. This article was lenghtly and so what we are discussing in this post. I am ordering this book and strongly advise many of you do the same....

Sherri,
I hate to see your unhappiness with your job. I wish there was some way to help. It sounds like you feel trapped. That must be awful for the free spirited artist that you are.
I will pray that you can somehow rise above the imprisonment of your job and be free in your spirit until you can be freed from the imprisonment of your job.
smile

Chatty,
That must be a very interesting article. I have written on here before about how I would like to write a book about loneliness. I think it is at foundation of so many of the physical, emotional and cultural ills of the world today.
I fight my general tendency to become reclusive because I know it ultimately leads to loneliness. I have seen the results of loneliness in nursing homes and in hospitals and it is very destructive and extremely painful. I have always been drawn to lonely people. In the hospital, it was one of the few types of pain I could relieve with a just kind word and a smile.
As a child, our closest neighbors were at least a mile away, but I can never recall anyone who I would say was lonely. Today when people are physically closer than ever before, there seems to be an increasing epidemic of loneliness.
I wonder why. I wonder if it is because as people overpopulate the earth, we become more competitive for the dwindling space and are increasingly guarded in our relationships thus more reclusive and lonelier.
Just a theory. I hope I can find the article you are speaking of. I read a similar one in the Feb. issue of Oprah's 'O' magazine so maybe attention is now moring toward reclusiveness and loneliness.
smile

[ February 23, 2005, 12:37 AM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Alan Jackson has a song out that says what I feel. My heart feels as lonely as a Monday morning Church.

Well honey, that's just so sad. I had a job I detested many years ago so I know how you feel. It was awful.

Lynn...what changed my mind about going out? I'm not sure. I think I was looking for a reason. My daughter forced me to go out yesterday. We went shopping for bras. I had fun but was more than ready to come home.

I think I have low grade depression and I'm showing some signs of mild PTSD. Something really traumatic happened to me last January and I'm still trying to deal with it. Have made an appt. with a counselor but canceled it. Not quite ready yet.

Sherri, like me, you only deal with problems and it can get you down. My happiness comes when I've helped a woman escape possible death. You don't even have that to look forward to.

Sherri,
When I have to do things I hate, sometimes it helps to identify exactly what is most difficult, fearful, repulsive, etc. then try to "re-frame" it. Maybe we could help with that if we knew specifically what part of your job is most difficult for you.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sherri:
Alan Jackson has a song out that says what I feel. My heart feels as lonely as a Monday morning Church.

---

As I read Alan Jackson's lines, I "re-framed" it. I reminded myself that "A" church is just a building and on Monday morning it is empty and lonely. But "The" Church is in the hearts of man and if God is there it is never empty and never lonely.
You may have already tried that, but maybe it would help.
smile

Dianne, I'm sorry you experienced something traumatic. I was concerned when you said your colitis was flaring up, which, as you know, can be related to stress. Yes, you do help women every day. Try to make yourself go to the counselor. Even if you are not ready what do you have to lose by just keeping the appointment with the counselor? You have nothing to lose, except the hold this event is having over you. I know you need to be patient with yourself, but if you are suffering from PTSD, then you also know you have got to go. Please try. Love and Light, Lynn

It's strange because just this morning, I had a huge moment that clarified a lot of things. I hadn't been able to figure out what I was feeling but I found myself turning into a raving, ranting B**** and I'm not like that. All of this anger has built up for over a year while I've denied it. My body won't let me do that anymore. Colitis is a big warning sign.

I was also thinking today to give the counselor a call and go see her. What could it hurt?

I appreciate your reaching out in this way.