Eagle
my thoughts and possitive belief in a good outcome for you wing their way to you.
love Mountain ash

Just thinking about the whole issue of calling friends...it takes something that I haven't been able to drum up for many years. Not sure what to call it...courage doesn't quite articulate it. More like "chutzpah", or audacity? Maybe a mixture of audacity and trust? It amazes me how some people, perhaps even most people, don't even think twice about phoning people. I wish I had that...it can take me DAYS of drumming up courage/audacity/whatever to make one phone call to my brother. I start to sweat, I've even cried on occasion from the anxiety it triggers when I have to call someone. If it's for business or medical appointment, it's not so bad. But trying to call a family member or friend, it's almost impossible. I was always able to call my Mom and my brother Gary with no problem. Ironically, the only two people in the world I could just phone and chat with without anxiety are both gone and there's nobody left that I feel that bravado or comfort with.

I don't know how you find that. I suppose it depends on the quality of relationship and/or trust level with the person you're calling. Maybe a string of bad phone experiences hasn't helped either. And maybe having someone to call in the first place.

For now, my online friends are my only real contacts. I have to find ways to change that, to make new friends. For me, that's a very frightening challenge...many of the things that have been going on in our lives recently have further eroded my confidence and made me extremely wary and untrustful...even my best friend of 30 years just recently betrayed my confidence which is causing immeasurable heartache right now.

I have to be honest and admit that I feel a great affinity with Job these days.

I think Eagle, you can find true inner peace, if you realize that the best friend you have is YOU. People who need other people to be happy are actually rather dependent. Of course it’s fun to go out with others and chat, laugh and mingle,…but you always do return alone, to yourself and your daily routine.

Isn’t it more important to work on your alone time, than worrying about making new friends, dealing with phone calls that may even cause stress? Discovering and doing exactly what you want, and only what you want is liberating in every way. Many animals are loners on this planet. There are the herd animals and those that aren’t. If it’s in your nature to be a sole individual, than so be it. Don’t try to be what you aren’t.

I have friends for different needs. No best friends, and frankly I don’t have time for best friends. I plan to join a movie making club. I won’t be looking for new friends, but if it should happen, then only those where there is a natural click. Those are the stress free ones, the friends where you understand each other in almost a magical way.

How are you feeling today? Any medical news?

Yeah, what Edelweiss said! Beautifully put.

I wrote a whole chapter on exactly that point in my own book...maybe I need to go back and read it!



I'm constantly "should"ing myself into the depths of despair because I'm constantly trying to be someone I'm not wired to be. I'm not wired to be social, I do love my solitude and find strength, liberation and empowering there, especially when mentored, inspired and in solidarity with the wise women I meet along my way (whether online or elsewhere). It really is up to me and me alone to give meaning (or not to give meaning) to anything and everything going on in my life.



Physically, I'm strong and healthy. All that walking in Vegas last week did wonders for my physical well-being. Now if I can just stop ruminating on all the negative stuff going on around me and focus on all the positives that are also going on, my mental health would be much better too! As for news, just found out that my surgery is scheduled for Nov 22.

Thank you Edelweiss for reminding me of perspective and being true to oneself.

Hi Ann,
I am brand new here tonight (Wed. Nov.24th)and not sure how to proceed. I read what you wrote and can relate, as I recently took a girls-weekend to a Bed & Breakfast with my friend of nearly 25 years (we met when our children were in kindergarten). We have taken such trips together the last four years, but this year it didn't go well. Kinda confused by her behavior...
Anyway, would like to post; (would appreciate a reply as I'm not even sure I am posting correctly).
Hello to all others posting here too.

Paige in PA

Yes Paige you are posting correctly. First of all welcome to the site. We love new members here.

In what way did your friend act differently? I have had friends of long years, who have changed, or maybe I was the one who changed. Maybe with age I became more intolerant. Not sure, but I'm at the point in my life where I don't want to waste time with folks that make me unhappy, puzzled or even put me in embarrasing situations. Been there, and have dropped them. Life is too short.

Hi Paige and welcome!

I've taken a lot of trips with my gal pals. My husband's a quadraplegic who uses a wheelchair full time and I'm a full time caregiver so when I can get a break and take a trip with friends believe me I grab it. I can tell you there are trips that live in my memory as being the most fun ever and other trips that maybe didn't go so well. Sometimes it just happens. Maybe she had something on her mind that was distracting her, maybe you two had a disagreement about something, maybe there was something she wasn't telling you. I'm on the same page as Edelweiss -- I have reached a point in my life where I won't waste my time with people who are negative. One of my best friends taught me that life is too short to spend it around people who bring me down. But I also believe in giving people a 2nd chance (and usually a 2nd chance with me is the LAST one you get, I have a tendency to back off and distance myself after that if I feel I need to). If you gals have been good friends for 25 years and traveled together for 4, you should be able to talk about it. After 25 years of friendship you both deserve honesty from the other one.
Yes you posted correctly!! You'll know when you get these replies.

Welcome Paige in PA. I'm sure the members here can give you
moral support. I agree with Edelweiss that life is too short to
remain in toxic relationships. Betrayal can come when least expected, but so can blessings and rescue. Trust your instincts. A woman's intuitions are strong.

Welcome, Paige! I agree with Crosstitch, if you have been friends for that long you should be able to have a conversation about what bothered you. If you can't, then perhaps it's time to examine your relationship and see if it's one you want to keep.