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#201507 - 03/28/10 03:56 PM
The Corniest Ever
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
"Robin...get in the car."
JJ!!! Save meeeeeeeeeee...
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#201512 - 03/28/10 04:14 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: jabber]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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LOL! Here's another.
What do you call a man hanging on the wall? Art.
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#201519 - 03/28/10 07:49 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: jabber]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a bar. The man spun his dog and said: "Just looking around." A woman and her banjo walked into a bar. Her name was Susanna. Grrrrrrrrrroaaaan all you want. I'm far, faaaaaaar away!!!
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#201526 - 03/28/10 09:00 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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A man wrote ten pun jokes and entered them in a contest. He was absolutely confident he'd win at least with one. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. Go on...roll your eyes...I can't seeeee you!!!
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#201534 - 03/28/10 10:58 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: yonuh]
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Member
Registered: 09/15/05
Posts: 4434
Loc: Minneapolis Minnesota
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#201545 - 03/29/10 04:14 AM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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What is the speed of dark?
Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Giraffiti: Highly spray-painted vandalism
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#201547 - 03/29/10 04:59 AM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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Why is'nt it wise to play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetas.
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#201573 - 03/29/10 03:49 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 06/02/06
Posts: 753
Loc: USA
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Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders.
"And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?" The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I will have a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light."
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#201575 - 03/29/10 03:57 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Cookie]
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Member
Registered: 06/02/06
Posts: 753
Loc: USA
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A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen! thirteen! thirteen!!"
Quite curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence, looks in and someone pokes him in the eye. Everyone in the asylum starts chanting,"Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
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#201577 - 03/29/10 05:14 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: jawjaw]
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Member
Registered: 06/02/06
Posts: 753
Loc: USA
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Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner. How can you tell which one is the prostitute??? * * * * * * * * * It's the one with the little sticker that says IDAHO.
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#201580 - 03/29/10 05:22 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 09/15/05
Posts: 4434
Loc: Minneapolis Minnesota
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#201581 - 03/29/10 05:22 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Cookie]
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Member
Registered: 06/02/06
Posts: 753
Loc: USA
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What is the first recorded case of constipation in the Bible? ----It's in Kings, where it says David sat on the throne for forty years.
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? -----When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
The ark was built three stories high and the top story had a window to let light in. But, how did they get light to the bottom two stories? -----They used floodlights.
What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out? -----They raised Cain.
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#201583 - 03/29/10 06:08 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Cookie]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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One of the richest men in the Bible? Noah. He floated stock while everyone was in liquidation.
First ever recorded commercial in the Bible? "Habakkuk"
What kind of man was Boaz before he married? Ruthless.
Which Bible character had no parents? Joshua, son of Nun.
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#201584 - 03/29/10 06:11 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button." Customer: "But, I only have one mouse." Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the open desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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#201588 - 03/29/10 08:24 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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What would you get if you crossed an idiot with the god of love? A stupid Cupid!
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#201589 - 03/29/10 08:36 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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A woman told her doctor, "I've got a bad back." The doctor said, "It's old age." The woman said, "I want a second opinion." The doctor says, "OK. you're ugly as well."
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#201592 - 03/29/10 08:54 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: yonuh]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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The Monkey and a Hyena were the best of friends. One day, when the two were walking through the jungle, the Hyena was attacked by a vicious Lion. The Monkey escaped up a nearby tree and watched his friend the Hyena being mauled and ripped to bits.
Once the fight was over, the Hyena was only just alive and turned to the Monkey and said. "Why didn't you come and help me?"
The Monkey replied, "The way you were laughing I thought you were winning so I didn't bother."
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#201611 - 03/30/10 07:33 AM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: yonuh]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
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#201612 - 03/30/10 07:35 AM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground, in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away.
Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London watching a circus procession pass by. When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk, lifts him bodily into the air, smashes him on the ground and jumps on him.
It was a different elephant. BA-DA-BING!!!
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#201613 - 03/30/10 07:51 AM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
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#201635 - 03/30/10 01:36 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: jabber]
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Member
Registered: 09/15/05
Posts: 4434
Loc: Minneapolis Minnesota
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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#201641 - 03/30/10 02:32 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all happened so fast."
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#201642 - 03/30/10 02:33 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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Myth: a female moth. BA-DA-BING?
You're welcome, Dotsie!
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#201655 - 03/30/10 09:03 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Anno]
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Registered: 11/19/08
Posts: 1758
Loc: American living in Germany
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Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie into it! ____________________________________
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede?
A: A walkie-talkie! ___________________________________ Q: Did you hear about the guy who lost his left side?
A: He's ALL RIGHT now! ___________________________________
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As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. Goethe
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#201668 - 03/30/10 11:18 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Edelweiss3]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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Said Hamlet to Ophelia:
"I'll do a sketch of thee, what kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?"
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#201669 - 03/30/10 11:24 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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Did Shakespeare stare at the Queen? No...it was more of a Lear.
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#201688 - 03/31/10 01:26 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 09/15/05
Posts: 4434
Loc: Minneapolis Minnesota
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I am loving this corny thread!!
Edited by Anno (03/31/10 01:27 PM)
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#201691 - 03/31/10 02:28 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
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#201692 - 03/31/10 02:32 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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"Error: No Keyboard. Press Esc."
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#201693 - 03/31/10 02:38 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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He crossed the Sahara with a flask labeled: "Powdered H2O".
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#201738 - 04/01/10 01:21 PM
Re: The Corniest Ever
[Re: jabber]
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Member
Registered: 09/15/05
Posts: 4434
Loc: Minneapolis Minnesota
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Duck walks into a tavern, hops up on the barstool and says to the 'keep, "I need a ham sandwich and a pint." The 'keep replies, "You can talk!" The duck answers, "I see your ears work, how about some lunch?" The barman is still dumbfounded. "You're a duck!" The duck shrugs. "I see your eyes work too - but not your hands or your feet. How about my order?" The barman fetches him a sandwich from the kitchen and draws him a pint. He brings it over and sets it on the counter in front of the duck who proceeds to eat his lunch. The barman still doesn't know what to make of it though and says, "You know, I don't think I have ever seen you around here before." "That is because I'm not from around here.", the duck replies. "I am working a job across the street and am just in for lunch. The sandwich was good though." he says draining his pint, "I will be back I think." Sure enough, for the next week the duck is in every day for lunch.
The circus comes to town. Being a small town after they pitch tent the carnival folks fill the tavern. Overhearing them talk the barman asks if the Ringmaster is around, pulls him aside and confides, "Would you be interested if I told you I know of a talking duck?" The man thinks a minute and answers, "That is an act I have never seen. I would be willing to pay a lot of money for that act to join my troupe. I will be in town just for tomorrow but if they are interested tell them to come down and see me." The next morning passes anxiously for the barman but sure enough the duck comes in for lunch. He has his pint and sandwich waiting. The barman cannot wait to tell him, "I think I have found you another job if you are interested. It is supposed to pay very well." The duck sits down. "Really? I am almost finished across the street and am always looking for the next bit of work. Where's it at?" "At the circus." the barman answers, "They will pay you very well!", he adds quickly as the duck sets down his sandwich and gives him the eye. "The circus?" "Yes, the circus" "The place with the animals and the ring?" "Yes, the circus." "The place with the big tent with a hole in the middle?" "Yes, the circus!"
"The duck sits and thinks for what seems forever and then says,"What in the hell do they want with a Plasterer?!?!"
Badum-bum.
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