I thought I was ready to deal with this time of grief, but it has hit me harder than I could have imagined.

It has been 5 months since my dad left us, and I know he would want me to move on. God knows I am trying to do that. I honestly prepared myself knowing his passing was inevitable. You ladies went through this with me.

I even listened to your interview Jawjaw on BFA Women radio titled Making Lemonade from Real Life Lemons. I listened to it on my way to see my dad alive for the last time. It really helped. But I will need to listen to it again, after the fact now.

I recommend everyone on this board to listen, here is the link BFA Women Radio If this is all normal, then I will except it and know that I haven't gone off the deep end. Afterall, I am not the only person who has lost a parent, right?

Anyway, that's where I have been, trying to overcome the grief, and I am getting better, really I am.

My mother is in Greece now since the middle of June, she plans on staying there for 6 months. I miss her, but I am glad she went. She has a larger support system there, and it was really difficult for her to stay in that house. She was so lonely in the evening and I felt really bad I couldn't be there with her. But I am glad she went and I know that my dad would've wanted her to go there.

Anyway, I am just writing my feelings and this is very cathartic for me so thanks and thanks a million to my boomer sisters who are always here.

I love you all alot!!!

Cheers,
Cathi

Cathi, my heart aches with you. Five months is just a blink of the eye in this grief journey...my experience is that we can't even begin to move forward until we've journeyed through all the first "firsts". And even then, every birthday, holiday, special occasions will always bring back memories and that agony of absence...it eases over time, but it's always there, if only lingering like a shadow in the distant recesses of our minds.

The only way is through. Day by day, birthday, Father's Day, holidays...it's essential that we be patient and compassionate with ourselves as we walk through these moments. I'm glad you came here and shared...I too feel my brother's absence...and it's been over two years now. This time of year is one of those triggers for me...a reminder of all that used to be and can never be again. It's not just a letting go of the person, it's a letting go of all of the relationships, the dreams, the traditions, the little things that filled those holidays and occasions just simply by that person being a part of them. There's a void everywhere that person used to be...not just in our hearts and lives, but in the spirit and traditions of the holidays and special moments.

Breathe, my friend. We just have to keep breathing ourselves through these tough patches. You're not traveling alone.

Hi Cathi, it’s good that you have come back and told us where you are right now. Grieving can be a very lonely place, and it does make it easier to share with those who have gone through it, or will be going through it.

Thank you so very much for posting the link. I will listen to JJ’s interview. Can’t wait.

“….it is, what it is” …so true JJ, so true.

Glad to have you back, Cathi.

I don't think anyone ever really gets over parental loss. We are only able to deal with it better as time goes by but, the heart will always yearn for the parent who had gone. It's wonderful that your Mom can visit with relatives in Greece in the meantime. How about you? I hope you also keep yourself in the midst of those you love. How's little Zoey?

I knew if I posted here, I will find the comfort needed. For those of you who know me, know I do not like to be a downer. So when I am feeling down, I do not post here. But on the other hand, you always help me through.

Eagle, you pinpointed exactly what I could not explain. Yes, I miss the person terribly, but even more so the traditions. It's like I feel guilty for moving on. I feel like I dishonor his memory if I do. But I know my dad really well, and he would've wanted us to move on. In fact, I have been told time and again that we are actually doing our departed loved ones a disservice by grieving constantly.

The funny part is, I am not depressed, I am just feeling a little bit empty, like a part of me is gone.

Anne, thank you for sharing, I know it couldn't have been easy.

Lola, as always, you are the angel who comes to inspire. Yes, I do believe the time will heal. I have my work that keeps me busy and I am glad for it. I take the time to spend with myself, I do that more than I ever did before. I saw Zoey this past weekend, she is so big and delightful. I also discovered she likes the song Thriller by the late Michael Jackson. Every channel you turned, there was a tribute to him and everytime Thriller came on, she would stop and dance. Zoey loves to dance.

Edelweiss, I know you will enjoy the interview. She went through much worse than what I have gone through and still she managed to pull through. This interview is not a downer either, it really did help me prepare. I know I could've been worse off if I didn't prepare myself.

Anyway, I don't want to hold him back and I just need to learn how to let go. A friend of mine told me she finally did with her dad. Her dad passed away a couple of months before mine did. She said she saw him in a dream and he told her he was alright and she needed to let him go. I haven't had that experience and I really would like to. Just some kind of a sign I want to see from him. But I digress...

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi

In the most unexpected placed a reminder of loved ones can appear.
I understand how you feel and may each day soothe a little more.
listen for music you shared and scents and smells..flowers...food and in the blink of an eye a feeling of calm descends.
I send blessings

Thanks so much Mountain Ash, I have been afraid to do that for fear of more sadness. But I will take the advice, and Blessings to you too!

Mountain Ash shows her brilliance here with this suggestion. I too have tried it and it truly works to make you smile and feel warm all over. I also try to think if I were a spirit who came back to earth to mentor a loved one.

((Like in the movie GHOST, with Patrick Swazie, and Demi Moore and of course we can't forget about Whoopie Goldberg))

I would tell them to get on with their life and remember me
only in happy ways. Then when I decided to take my own advice, I found out, it works!!!

I have been working on this today and I believe you and Mountain Ash are right.

I have felt him near me a few times today, in a comforting kind of way.

Thanks, I just hope I can keep this up.

Cheers,
Catho

Cathi, I'm so glad to see you in here again. You have been missed. I can so relate to your grief, as I know so many others in here can. It has been five years since Daddy died but there are days when it seems like yesterday. There are also days when I'm just rocking along and thinking life is good then wham! It's like someone took a lasso and roped my feet pulling them out from under me. I'm hit with the realization that he is no longer here, I can't speak to him, or get a hug. This usually happens when someone repeats an old saying that Daddy used to love, or I walk by my favorite picture of him here in the house. It DOES happen, and it's okay that it does.

why?

Because I have trained myself to believe that it is Daddy's way of saying, "Hey kiddo, I'm right here. I love you and if you need me, just talk to me." This works for me. It massages my aching heart and let's me know that Daddy is still with me.

Love doesn't die. Repeat that to yourself, because it is true. LOVE NEVER DIES. The physical body may be gone, but the love covers you like a blanket.

Love you girl!

I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for the death of someone you love....I think you will miss that person for the rest of your life.
My beloved grandmother died 15 years ago; her angel spirit is with me still.

Love never dies; that is the beauty.......My thoughts are with you (although i don't know you); I understand the pain of loss.

Love and Hugs, Alice

Thank you, I am so glad you responded Your Majesty. That interview of yours I listened to was a great big help for me when my dad passed away. I think I would've been a wreck if I hadn't heard it. So thank you for sharing, I know it cannot be easy. I have felt better since I started posting, and getting all this feedback.

Alice, thanks for taking the time. I have been a member here since 2004. I come and go depending on what is going on. But this is the only forum I come to and keep coming too. I look forward to getting to know you Alice and thanks again.

Cheers,
Cathi

I think that grief is very much a roller-coaster ride, especially for the first few years. I can have really good days, even weeks, and then like JJ says, wham, something triggers that agony-of-absence and it hits me right in the gut and reduces me to a puddle of tears. Dad's been gone for 10 years now, and it can hit me harder now than ever, if I really think about it. Gary is still too fresh, everything still reminds me of his laughter - and his absence. I miss him terribly some days (my birthday being a huge trigger, because he used to give me LOTS of gifts - we always tried to outdo each other...mostly gag gifts, but still, it was so much fun. I think the record is me giving him 40 and him giving me 50 when I turned 50).

As the years pass and I evolve, I actually sort of cherish the pain...well, the pain is there whether I want it or not, so I might as well try and find the golden nugget buried inside of that pain! In a way, that pain reminds me of how much I loved that person and how much that person loved me - both very enriching to a soul who didn't know a whole lot about authentic love up until very recently. The pain is excruciating, and it's hard to breathe through it sometimes, but the love is exhilarating, enough to lift me above the pain just long enough that the shards don't pierce me beyond my ability to bounce back.

I so understand where you are coming from Eagle. My husband has been dead now for so long but often times its as if he were right here beside me. Then I am bummed for days.

Cathi, it's great to see you posting again. It sounds like you are grieving the death of Dad, and possibly missing Mom. Even though you are happy for her, she isn't as close in distance and that could be hard for you too. I'm sorry you are going through all of this heartache, but please recall these few words:

The Lord comforts those who mourn.

Someone wrote these in a card to me when Mom died. They are simple, but I drew strength from them whenever I began to get down about Mom's passing. I hope they give you the boost you need.

I relived Mom's death and dying today while attending a cousin's funeral. She died a similar death to Mom (cancer). The final song was Eagle's Wings and that began the tears rolling. They also sang Ave Maria which was one of Mom's favorites. Worship music speaks to me. Even though I was sad, it was actually nice to think of Mom in a church setting.

Cathi, carrying you in prayer.

Eagle's Wings is one of my favourites...sends my spirit soaring. My favourite mug has that scripture verse written on it, so it helps me start my day off with that image...

"and He shall raise you up on Eagle's wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of His Hand"...what beautiful words!

Cathi.....the bible, in Ecclesiastes, says "a time to mourn"...it does not say how long. Lord knows I still cry over Mom who died in '75. Yes, it still hurts to my core.

"Time" is what you have.

I understand what you mean by pain Eagle. I think if I didn't have the pain, I wouldn't be alive, if that makes any sense. I had a wonderful relationship with my dad. He wasn't only my dad, he was my friend too. But now I need to focus on cherishing the memories with him and with that, I can feel him guiding me, even now.

Dotsie, I do miss my mom, but this was the best thing for her. I talk to her all the time and the other day I told her she didn't have to go back and live in that house. Richard already told her she was more than welcome to come and live with us. In fact, bless his heart, one of the last things he said to my dad was, "I promise you, I will take care of Cathi and Sofia (My mom's name is Sofia too)". Anyway, I have an aunt, my mom's sister, who lives only a couple of miles away from me. In fact, she stayed with my parent's and was a great big help to my dad in his last months. My aunt is trying to talk her into moving here too. The seeds have been planted, and I think, for her, being in Greece will help her sort things out a bit clearer.

You are right Di, He didn't tell us how long. I actually like the book of Ecclesiastes for a time like this. God tells us how to live in this flesh body. I read the Bible to my dad on the day he died and I read him verses of comfort to him. I read to him this portion, Ecclesiastes 12:6-7

"6 or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern.

7 Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it."

I am glad you mentioned this Di, I went back and read that entire chapter. It was comforting in a simple way.

I love you all alot!

Cathi

Friends, I still mourn the loss of my dad-over 30 yrs ago. While I am comforted by God's promises, there are many things and moments that bring our memory to those days when our loved one was with us.

I have that blessed hope of resurrection when Christ returns, yet I miss my dad; some times, more than others.

Humans were not created to be separated. Death was not part of God's plan for mankind. That's why it hurts so much.

We do need to be considerate of those dealing with the pain of loss. Cathi, I pray for your strength and comfort, and for all those in need of it.
Blessings to each of you!

Hi Cathi,
I believe writing is a wonderful release, too. Losing a Daddy
is so very difficult. My adoptive Dad died in 1986, and I think of him everyday. IMO, he was one of the greatest men ever. Death is not easy to emotionally handle for those left behind. But, as if praying, I talk to DAD via the spirit. Others on here talk to loved ones through the spirit. God's blessings. May your grief lighten more 'n more each day!

"Love never dies!" I love that, jawjaw. And it's so true!

This has helped me tremendously, I still cry, but I don't feel like I am drowning so much anymore.

Blessing to all!

Love and Cheers,
Cathi

Perhaps you might write a letter to him, put it in a balloon, and send it into the sky (Heaven).

Love, Alice

Alice,
Wow! That's a cool concept. I never heard of that and sure would not have thought of it myself. That's neat and kind of sweet.

Wisdom & Life,
Hope you feel a little lighter each day. Or did I say that already. Prayers and blessings,

I really want to thank all of you for taking the time for your posts here. Truly, it is helping me and continues to do so. I still cry when I feel the need to, but I am not drowning. I am at peace, and now I am able to be here for my mom a bit better.

She is still in Greece and plans to stay there until Mid-November. I am going to try to talk her into moving next to me or with me, whatever she decides. There are several condos for sale in my neighborhood. This seems ideal given she will have me, Richard and her sister, and at the same time have her privacy. If she decides to live with us, then we have to move to a bigger play. I really don't like the thought of moving and I love the place we live in now.

Anyway, just wanted to give my sisters an update.

Love and Cheers,
Cathi

Wow, I can't believe she'll be gone that long. How do you keep in touch with her while she's away? Elders living close to their kids gives them comfort. I know because my dad lives nearby and he's said he won't move from this area. I hope your mom is agreeable to live near you. That would make life so much easier.

I have been trying for years to get my mom to move here with me but she refuses because she wants to stay near my brother, who is elileptic and needs her. He can't drive etc., even thought he now lives alone and loves it.

I wish I had never moved away, can't even remember why I did. I miss the closeness of my mom and we've missed a lot of years. But I can't move back there either because all my immediate family is here. Catch 22...

I should have never left my home town and family. How many of you have moved away, and what about your own kids?

I totally know you you feel Chatty, having dreamed of a Utopian world where all my distant friends and relatives would live close to me (or at least in the same state). I've mourned this for as long as I can remember.... Just this year, tired of the situation, I got a camera and have been on Skype. Have you tried that? I don't try to delude myself into thinking it's the real thing, but engaging live with friends and family, seeing spontaneous facial expressions, and their quirky behaviors has made me feel closer. The downside is that you can only use it with people who have the camera set-up, but this live video feed can be done via google, Yahoo and other websites too. It doesn't mend the heart, but manages to fill part of that void...

Well, I put the bug in her ear and she was reluctant. I jumped in and said to her it was okay to take her time and think about it. It would be better, but I will not force her to do anything she doesn't want to do.

I have never lived far away from family before. This is the first time Richard and I have been alone. We didn't expect to have Sofia gone soon either.

Aside from my aunt who lives near me, we are alone. I thought it would be horrible and lonely, but we kind of like it. I'll be honest, last Christmas, I spent that day all by myself. It was due to numerous circumstances it ended up that way. It was the first time I did that in my life. I have to admit, it was so nice and peaceful.

Another factor and I am going to post this in another thread. I am going through some tests now because I am having some medical problems. I don't want my mom to know because she would be worried. Since my dad's death, she always pleads with me to take care of myself so she will not lose me either.

Anyway, I still miss my dad very much and I wish I could hug him one more time really good.

Love and hugs,
Cathi

chatty, my heart aches for you. I know how much you miss your mom, but I also know how close you are to your son and his children. I have one sister who moved away years ago and I miss her so much. Four of us are in town and I always feel like she gets left out because she isn't here.

Cathi, you and your husband must be very happy together to enjoy living alone in a town with one another's company only. That's a good thing!

Does your mom have family near her? I know some of her family is in Greece.

You know I moved away, - far away from my home country. And I would never ever recommend that to anyone. You always have one foot there and one foot here;... that's a huge split.
So I understand Chatty. It is a difficult situation.

Dotsie, my mom has many friends near her in Northern VA. These are friends her and my dad knew since I was a baby. Back when my dad was in the military. In fact, she has a friend from Greece who met her husband the same time my mom met my dad. Her husband and my dad served on the same ship when my dad was in the US Coast Guard. This is how he ended up in Rhodes in the first place. This lady and her husband are on their way to Greece now and my mom will see them there as well. Another friend she has is a widower, who's wife passed away a few years ago. They have been friends with my parent's since I was a baby and I went to High School with their kids when we were all stationed in Germany. Anyway, this man has been there for my mom since my dad got sick. Not only that, his wife is buried in Quantico as well and he goes there every Sunday. While he is there, he makes sure my dad has flowers too. He has gone to Greece several times to see my parent's when they were there.

So yes, my mom has many close friends around her and of course, you know my brother live an hour away from her in Ellicott City.

I am worried now that too many people are going to give her too many endless suggestions and pressure with what to do. I want to emphasize to her that she should make whatever decision she wants to. I am first and foremost concerned about her happiness. I want her to enjoy her life and I know my dad would want that too. He was so worried about her and I believe he hung on as long as he did to make sure she would be okay.

Cheers and Love,
Cathi

How blessed your mom is to have so mnay remaining freinds. My FIL and Dad don't have many living friends these days. It's so sad. We went to a funeral today - my FIL's best friend died. They'd talk to one antoher everyday until my FIL's Alzheimer got worse this year.

Anyway, it sounds like Mom will be okay if she stays where she is. I'm amazed by the way she travels, but I guess it's a way of life for her.

My parents were great friends with a couple Dad met when he was in Korea. Dad is the only one of the four that is still living. It must be hard to outlive everyone.

One of the most important things I've learned is our loved ones, who have passed, are right here with us. I know we've all heard this said, and said it ourselves, but "KNOWING" it makes all the difference in the world. Daddy recently sent me a peanut. No ONE can convince me differently. Mother as much as told me, "Learn to Love Again," the most important thing she could have said to me. I am so OPEN to them visiting me. Daddy was in a very real dream two nights ago. He had his left hand on my right forearm, as we were checking out at a retail counter somewhere. I could feel the softness of his touch and the warmth from his hand. IT WAS SO REAL! They're here in me, near me, for me and because of me!!!! I know this and with it I find great comfort and peace... esp. knowing they are helping prepare a place for me when it's my time. Mother knows I want a purple room in that mansion she earned!!!
Love ya, Mother!
Love ya, Daddy!
Keep the faith Cat, and all.... we are with them, as they are with us!
If you'd like to see my mom's memorial page, go here: Mother if that doesn't work, search for Squyres (M).

For each of us who have lost a loved one, I pray we grow with the losses...
(((hugs)))... special one for Cathi![[[HUG]]]

gims, I guess I missed reading that your mom died. I remember some of the angst you were going through some months ago with your family. I'm sorry for you.

Cathi, I'm sorry to read that your dad died recently.

It's been a year now since my dad died. Mom is going downhill really quickly.

Gims, I love-love-love your post so much!!! What a sweet light you pour into our grief. I too absolutely believe that they're with us, rooting us on, comforting us and trying in every way to help us KNOW how much we are loved. I have so many caring, tender "Gary-moments", some vivid Mom-moments and a few treasured Dad moments. I swear that the cicadas that are nesting in our front garden are Dad's gift...it's the first time they've ever been here and Dad is one of the only people on earth (er, heaven too, LOL) who would know how much I love cicadas and what a gift they are to me.

Cathi, I just woke up to news of a fire in Athens. I thought of your Mom and all the rellies. I pray they are fine and well out of range.

Gims, I have only just come to know that your Mom passed away and read the memorial to her. My sincerest condolences to you and yours. God bless.

Wow, gims. What a lovely Mother you had girl. She was beautiful and talented. How proud you must be! Both of your parents were
the perfect gene pool. And I know what you mean when you say
they're with you now. I love that!

The Spirit is an interesting topic. It is hard to explain but
you can feel people's spirit. You can feel The Holy Spirit as
He adds strength to your being.