Meredith, you're a hoot.

You may think I'm nuts, but here's another opinion. The guy has probably been physically attracted to you all this time and didn't know what to do about it. One day, his emotions got carried away and he kissed you. Whoops. To that point, I don't see anything wrong with that. Was it a peck or a wet one? I have girlfriends I'll peck or hug when moved and I don't want to date them.

Thanks Meredithbead for your comments. You got it mostly right. I think after he kissed me, he had no clue what to do. I think the thing that did it for me was his actions after the kissing incident - the fact that he just disappeared with no communication for 6 weeks, and then proceeds to tell me he wants to do this and that but can't because he would be "dating" me. However, he certainly felt it was ok to kiss me even though we were not "dating". And then to see him on the dating websites where he has lied about his age.

I think he is a VERY CONFUSED MAN, and I'm not into confused men at this point in my life. Also, he does not have the character I am looking for. If he was interested in me then he needed to be straight forward and ask me to do the other things with him (and I would have given it a shot), and then taken it from there. Who knows how it would have turned out. The bottom line is that I don't think he is capable of intimacy and a real partnership with a woman. Sad.

Dotsie, thanks for another perspective. I think there is some truth that he was interested in me and the kiss was to test the waters. However, when a guy you have been doing things with for over a year suddendly changes the rules without anything leading up to that, my response was one of shock more than anything else. It was a kiss between a peck and a wet one. BUT THE THING THAT DID IT FOR ME: When he just left me standing there, drove off and nothing else for over 6 weeks, and then his reason was: WELL WE WERE NOT DATING. Duh! We were very involved with each other and having a great time. Now he is spending a lot of time on the websites looking for someone and lying about his age.

He is a VERY CONFUSED MAN, and does not have the character I am looking for.

If he had just been straight forward with me, and told me he would like to do some of these other things with me, I would have given it a shot, and who knows where it would have gone. We did have a foundation on which to build a relationship.

I actually am now grateful that we did not take it to another level. I am looking for a man who has it together, and he does not.

Mama Red - thanks for your comments. I thought it was very strange that he felt it was ok to kiss me even though he was not dating me. He is a very confused man, and I want a man who has it together. In the meantime, I will continue to have a full and meaningful life and continue to grow. Maybe a partner will see these qualifies in me and be attracted.

Anne - you are so funny. I have done a lot of dating since my divorce in 1991, but I find that as I get older, I want to do it less and less. It is time-consuming and people play so many games. My feeling now is that I just want to do things I love, such as cycling and hiking, and if I meet someone, great. If not, I have a great life.

I'm sure you have heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Sounds like the divorced guy you mentioned in your post would be doing this if he got back with his ex. But, people do lots of things because they can't be alone.

I know. You're right about what happened after the kiss. I can't imagine abandoning someone for six weeks after having spent all that time with you. ODD. Glad you are feeling comfy with your decision.

Cyclinggal here's a link to a great cycling group of long distance cyclists who are primarily in their 50's and up.

http://www.cccts.org/welcome.html
http://www.cccts.org/index.html


My partner (who is 65) has done 2 bike trip rides with them. They have organized group rides in past to Montana, Denmark, etc.

I do know 2 women from this group who have gone on their rides. they are both in their late 60's. One of them I guess reached 70 this year. A grandmother.

For certain, I find most of the older guys who cycle consistently several times week, at least don't smoke, do recreational drugs or drink alcohol much at all. Otherwise they can't continue cycling long at all!

Anne, the Martians don't want them back.

That is waaay too funny!!

OK, maybe this is way off base. But maybe this man does crave love and "coupledom" again, but he's scared witless to think about actually committing to it, afraid of failing for some reason.

Obviously he is confused and bewildered. But he "did" have the guts for the kiss.

I've had a few "oh crap" moments myself. But disappearing for months after the fact says he's immature. And gutless. Good thing you found out about that when you did.

Next.

Geez. We "are" the stronger sex, aren't we?

Whirlwind