Ladies, chatty found this artilce online and we wanted to share it here:

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlematch.aspx?cp-documentid=9708247&GT1=32023

We thought it was worth sharing.

Thanks Dotsie for posting this article, I hope it helps someone. It opened my eyes somewhat on a few things...

Its weird I know but I have NO desire to date. I would rather be out and about with girlfriends just laughing and having a ball. Men are too much trouble!

I think the statement "It's not so much about meeting the right person, as it is about becoming the right person," says mountains about a relationship. I am a better person in my relationship but it came at the cost of a divorce.

chick, I totally agree. In relationships, we too often point the finger at the other person when we should really be pointing it at ourselves. How can we change to make the relationship better?

Chick...100% agree and if there is one thing I've learned through the lessons I've been handed is 'I can't change someone else, I must be the person I want to attract'. And, dadgummit, I sure wish someone else could do the work (grin). It sure would make my life easier if that would happen! Reminds me of a saying my dad used often "wish in one hand..."

Mama, I agree. I've known plenty of women who've wanted to work at a relationship, but the men are stubborn. Can't get very far like that.

Nope, Dotsie, you're right! And it seems to me, although my opinion *could* be a bit biased (grin), that women get to lead the way on the relationship front!

Choose to focus on the good things, starting with the fact that you are ready for or have found love again. Love is meant to be celebrated; not something of which to be afraid."



"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Glenn concludes.

I love that last quote more for a mantra for life than just about love again after being widowed. A reallie good find chattie and Dotsie

i think i gonna nick that quote poor rumi had his day lol.

Good Morning Ladies,
You've all got good points. We must work on ourselves first, to be our best selves, in order to have a successful relationship; hopefully, we all learned that the first time around in the romance dance. It's been quite an experience finding myself again after losing my husband, then working on that new self, learning new things, discovering a brand new life. But, I have to say that I'm with Chatty. I'm having a blast with friends, starting a new career and fully appreciating my independence and freedom. I loved my husband, he was a sweetheart, but I'm really not interested in looking around for love again. Men are a lot of trouble. I spent 35 years training the last one; don't think I have the time or patience to train another. I'm having too much fun as I am.
Copygal

BRAVO to you Copygal, keep up the good work. It just keeps getting better and better.

copy, you are a breath fo fresh air, and I'm sure an inspiration to other widows. I'm happy to hear you're making the most of life. I'm really proud of you.

Hey Dotsie & Chatty,
I appreciate the kind words. You & the rest of the Boomer Gals have played a huge part in helping me in this journey. Thanks for the all the encouragement & support you've shown. You Gals are the best!
Copygal

Copygal, thanks for coming in and giving us an update on your life. It sounds as though you have found purpose. I love that and I'm so very happy for you!

I for one hope we will see lots more of you too Copygal. Have a happy holiday ands special New Year.

I've said it before and I'll say it again--You Gals are the best! Ya'll are part of the reason I've found purpose and joy in my life again. 2009 looks to be bright and wonderful! I'm starting a new job, finding my own place and hopefully getting my book published. My new boss/friend is an angel, who has been so helpful in promoting my work. What can I say? I'm blessed when it comes to friends, online and off.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone here on the Boomer site!
Alanna- aka Copygal

Maybe you can help me clear this up. We are family of a widow that lost her husband last August, I am her daughter-in-law. I was one of the first to recommend that she should date and get on with her life. The problem is now that she is dating, she is trying to introduce her "new boyfriend" to her granddaughter (our niece) and generally force acceptance on her kids of the new man, whose name we don't even know yet.

That, and she is lying about the amount of time that she has been dating him. When confronted about it, she alternates between hanging up the phone and screaming and twists the problem into the fact that we don't like the fact that she is dating, which is not true at all.

My spouse has angered her by not accepting her behavior as rational or normal given the situation, especially since one of the reasons that she is giving for dating is to find a man to renovate her house. She is also flying to Vegas with this man in a month that we don't know the name of, a place she liked to visit with my ex father-in-law. She is not a gambler but I am worried that the new squeeze is.

Are we being ridiculous here to be concerned about her and this behaviour? We're not really sure what to do. My greatest fear is that this new guy is a con artist and we should get a background check done, but my spouse is too angry at her to go that far. He maintains that she is an adult and is responsible for her own choices, but I am concerned that her choices here may land her in the poorhouse.

Should we just do as she wishes and ignore everything without any opinions on the matter, or should we go ahead and get a criminal record check done by a PI, if only just to show her and the rest of the family?

If I am completely off the reservation here, please feel free to let me have it with both barrels. I came to a community of boomer women so that I would have the opinion of women from her generation. All the kids/spouses etc. are in their low to mid thirties.

Angelawest, it's better to be safe than sorry.

The one time I let my guard down after my husband died, and didn't follow the sensible things that should have been done and just blindly stepped off the cliff into oblivion, I regretted it. I got taken to the cleaners bad! I am still having problems with this slug coming around even though I divorced him in 2001.

Sounds to me like you MIL has doubts deep down inside, you know that little voice that nags at us from within, we all have one. Sounds like she wants to hurry up and have fun before the bubble bursts. Check him out to be as sure as its as possible to be. She might hate the idea if he turns out to be a fraud but will thank you down the road.

You can lose a lot of money in Vegas very fast before you realize what hit you. Try to convince her to only take SOME cash and leave her checkbooks, and credit cards at home. This way she can only lose so much and yes, everyone loses!!! I should know I've lived here in Vegas now since 1985 and before that off and on since 1970. This town was built on losers money...

Angelawest, welocme to BWS where women will answer honestly.

What's up with her not giving you his name? I don't get it. Is she afriad you'll do a background check? If so, that's fishy.

I'd do what I could to learn his name, and I'd do a background check on him. Don't be surprised if you learn something, tell her, and then she blows you off. If she's in love, love can be blind.

Perhaps she'd spend less money if she paid someone to renovate her home...

How did she meet this guy? Does anyone know of his past?

I agree that you have every right to be concerned, BUT she is an adult and can behave foolishly if she pleases. That doesn't mean you should just ignore her, but I'd be really cautious about getting a background check on this guy and then showing to the rest of the family. Once you ring that bell of interference in someone else's life, you can't unring it, and you may well drive her further away. If someone cornered me with background information and had already shared it with the family, I'd probably never speak to her again -- even if she turned out to be right. It's just an embarrassment you can never live down.

That said, however, your MIL does sound like she's behaving strangely. Do you all live near each other? Is there someone near who can visit her casually and try to find out what's going on? Frankly, she sounds a bit like she's trying to use someone herself if she's looking for handyman help. I wish you luck; these are very tricky situations and people can be extremely evasive about what they are doing. I have had this happen in my own family about other problems and have had to accept the fact that I'll never learn the truth about some things.

Great point about the background check ellemm. What if she does it and only shares it with MIL if necessary. The whole family doesn't have to know. What do you think?

Oh, I'd definitely support showing any report just to the MIL at first. My caution is that, no matter how much people try to help, a lot of times the whole thing will blow up in your face if the other person doesn't want to hear about it. At least you will have tried, but the outcome is far from certain.

Unless this guy has captured the MIL, she is responsible for her own behavior. So if she's yelling at people and hanging up the phone and has already admitted that she's looking for someone to fix up her house (is this friendship? is this a business deal), she's got some major red flags as well. In addition 'forcing acceptance of the new man' sounds like the family is pretty cautious about someone new anyway. (But there's little doubt MIL isn't doing a very good job introducing him around.)

While this might not be the problem in angelawest's family, a lot of families encourage a newly single parent to start dating again and then do everything they can to sabotage the relationship. This stuff just gets so complicated. Needless to say, I hope everyone, including MIL and the new guy, keeps a cool head and doesn't do anything foolish.

If you check and find out something unfavorable and don't say anything to her, then he does something to take advantage of her, you'll be the bad guy for NOT telling her.

Second, if you do find something and tell her, you may still be the bad guy BUT usually not for as long when she comes to her senses, which most women actually do.

I would definitely check however, whatever else you decide to do or not do.